Recently, we did a workout. I felt... really good throughout the entire thing (5k tempo). My heart rate was low, it was low 40s (my theory is this blocks out my pain/fatigue). Instead of feeling really proud of myself (I wasn't too far off my PR), I felt kinda frustrated/annoyed. It didn't even feel much like a workout. I felt like I was going fast but I wasn't hurting like I thought I would. The reason I felt so frustrated was that I felt like I could've gone faster last race. During the workout, I kept trying to justify how each pace felt and prove to myself that I could not have actually gone faster last race and that I truly did give it all I had (sounds silly, I know). Last race my watch also said I ran considerably more than actual race distance so now I'm beating myself up about how I ran further (which I probably did, but definitely not by that much). It sucks because 2 months ago I would have been on here ranting about how I felt like crap during a workout and wanted to quit because I was slow. I can't win.
I feel like my whole life revolves around running. I'm towards the back of the pack on my college XC team, so there's no pressure for me to score or anything. The pressure comes from myself. I've actually PR'd more than I ever thought I would in the 5k and have had a great season. I couldn't have asked for a better team. But now for this last race I'm worried I won't feel as good as I felt today. Every little ache and pain I feel drives me insane and I freak out about what to eat a couple days up before a race and how much sleep I'm getting.
Any advice about a change in mindset would help.