Parent contacting coach

coachquestion wrote:

At what time...if any....is it ok for a parent to contact a coach along the recruiting process. I understand the child should drive the reach out emails and the initial conversations but is it ok once things get more serious (official visits, etc) for a parent to reach out to the coach for an introduction and/or some questions? Thanks.

I think you let the kid visit and develop their own opinion, then when an offer is put out maybe ask to contact the coach about what you're interested in learning.

coachquestion wrote:

At what time...if any....is it ok for a parent to contact a coach along the recruiting process. I understand the child should drive the reach out emails and the initial conversations but is it ok once things get more serious (official visits, etc) for a parent to reach out to the coach for an introduction and/or some questions? Thanks.

I have two teenagers, about to go through this. Here's my opinion on this. When kids get to this age, my way of approaching it is to advise them on what to do, then leave it up to them, to do it or not. This time period (pre-college) is the time I feel I need to prepare them to take care of themselves and do for themselves, that they're able to do for themselves. Anything I do for them, that they could be doing for themselves, I always ask myself, would if be better if they did it?

I personally think it makes so sense for me to set my kids up perfectly, for success, unless they're going to buy in to maintaining that success. They need to have skin in the game. I'll help them from here to the moon, as long as their going to be helping themselves along the way.

How that applies to your question: I, personally would encourage my kid as much as possible, to send all the emails, make the phones calls and ask all the questions. Why does a 17 year old need my mouth to do the talking, when they can easily ask the same questions.? We can discuss ahead of time, good ways to approach the situation, key questions to ask. But if it's going to be their game, they need to play it. Usually, that gets it done. If at some point, they just can't get it done and I'm needed to help out, I'll do it. But they need to go hard, and give their full and best effort, first.

Ask yourself, when your kid goes to this college you're trying to set him up at, are you still going to make phone calls for him/her? Still going to call the coach? Still going to make sure they've set their alarm to wake up the morning of the big meet?

Those are just some thoughts I had from your post. Do what's best for your family.

Your kid is making their first adult decision, what college to go to. It is their decision, they need to contact the coach. You can encourage your kid to ask the questions you'd like to find the answer to, but I wouldn't be the one contacting them. The only time I think you should be asking questions is when you're physically with the kid and the coach on an official or unofficial visit to the college or if they're doing an at home visit to your house. Email and phone communication should be your kid, it's their life.

^^^

Then again if you're paying for their college then they're still not much of an adult in my opinion since they don't have any of the financial responsibility.

Just don't... just do not do this.. imagine the coach getting a call/email/text from a potential recruit's PARENT.

Great feedback. I totally agree with it all. Its why i've stayed out to this point. He's done a very good job so far. I'm sure he's missed some opportunities but that is how life will be going forward. Speak up and sell yourself. Guidance behind the scenes is the best course which is what i've done to this point. I also agree that its better to ask, if at all, during an in person visit but that isn't always possible. I guess it becomes a little muddy when you are paying for much of your child's education and don't want him/us to make a bad financial move. You hear plenty of stories of basketball/football recruiting stories and how involved the parents are in meeting the coaches and making sure their "child" is treated fairly and has asked all the right questions. So most of me agrees with every point but part of me thinks this would be a big life lesson to screw up. So I think i agree that the best time is after formal offers and just before committing...making sure he has covered all his bases on his own. With the schools that he has narrowed his list down to. And if not, get a little more involved directly or indirectly. Sound reasonable?

coachquestion wrote:

At what time...if any....is it ok for a parent to contact a coach along the recruiting process. I understand the child should drive the reach out emails and the initial conversations but is it ok once things get more serious (official visits, etc) for a parent to reach out to the coach for an introduction and/or some questions? Thanks.

Never. If you have questions then make your kid ask the coach.

To me there is a line, but I am not sure where it should be. This discussion has come up with my ex regarding our son who has gotten a couple of form letters from D3 schools and whose times will make him attractive to some D2 schools (his teammates and others have gotten some $$$ from D2 schools). I do have a daughter who just started college but is not involved in athletics and this question applies to a college student as well.

I agree with many others that the kid should drive things especially in terms of where they are interested in going. I think if it is looking serious and the parent has some questions of the coach the parent should be able to ask them directly. We have more life experience and if we attended college then we have some idea of how college "works" even if some things have changed (as I am quickly learning) so we might ask questions and be able to detect getting a straight answer.

That was part of my thought process. I was very naive in high school and didn't need to learn the wrong way that a coach didn't offer me any money because i was too shy to ask. I drove the school that i felt had what i wanted athletically and academically but needed help with the "contract" side of things. I guess feeding the right questions to my kid and having him ask them all himself is one way for him to learn but perhaps another is having him watch how to ask the right questions....like an intern or apprentice might do. Like you said, there is a line that is hard to find.

I am in the process right ow.. girl who has multiple Div 1. offers (mid major types) .. A lot of good stuff on here. I would say all initial contact should be by kid . I will say that I have been very involved. My kid drives discussions but we debrief after each contact. It Has went well. I do ask questions when on visits with her and/or when money is being discussed. I will say she and I think mostly alike but there have certainly been a few schools that I liked but she said "no thanks" to and vice versa. It is her decision but an important one that I am here to be a sounding board for and get her to think about all angles.

How fast is she and how much has she been offered on average?

Depending on how good your child is the coach will want to recruit you as well. You will go for an official or unofficial visit and the coach will show you and your daughter around campus and answer any questions you both might have. Regarding the initial contact I would put together a form email for your kid to send to the coach asking the basic questions

I have tow children competing D1 already. I am always curious about the level of offers and the corresponding times. My daughter ran 4:55 for the 1600 and received very small offers.

coachquestion wrote:

I guess it becomes a little muddy when you are paying for much of your child's education and don't want him/us to make a bad financial move.

To avoid this, this is what I"ve been telling my kids, "I will have saved a fixed amount for college, for each of you. It's in your best interest to factor finances into your college choice. If you get a scholarship, go in-state, or get other financial aid, the funds will go far, perhaps even pay for part of all of graduate school, if you choose it. You may even graduate debt free. However, if you ignore scholarships, go out of state, or to an expensive private school, that's just fine. The amount of money I will be able to contribute to your education, will not change. Any shortfall will have to be borrowed by, and paid back by, you through whatever career path you've chosen. So, choose wisely."

I haven't told them the amount saved. Also, any money left over when it's all said and done, will not go to them. It'll be redirected into my retirement savings.

sub 2:18....sub 5:00 1600..... sub 10:55 3200 .....sub 17:50 track 5k. all junior year.... getting close to full rides when combining academic/athletic aid.. gpa above 4.0 with all AP/Honors classes... getting close to full rides when combining athletic/academic... bit more $$ from athletic than academic.

also.. they are mid majors NOT power 5 or perennial national contenders.

You need to have them do it. The college coach is not going to like that their athlete needs mommy or daddy in order to function and will most likely drop out or transfer. That’s how they think anyway.

Autonomy is important. You are setting up your child to fail without knowing it.

Tough love advice. Take it.

some supposedly dumb coach wrote:

You need to have them do it. The college coach is not going to like that their athlete needs mommy or daddy in order to function and will most likely drop out or transfer. That’s how they think anyway.

Autonomy is important. You are setting up your child to fail without knowing it.

Tough love advice. Take it.

I think there is a line there between needing a parent to do everything and the parent wanting to ask some questions. A key thing to remember is that once the kid is in college, the information that can be shared with you as a parent is very limited.

During recruiting it is ALWAYS ok for the parent to reach out. It is helpful for the parent to reach out but the relationship is between the athlete and coach. There is a ton of information that it is required and some times it is faster to go through the parent. In order to properly advise your child you should know who is recruiting them. Having a child pretend to be an adult is a bad recipe. A good coach will guide you and the child through the process. There is a point where you will be excluded, but it is a fact that you will be involved in the decision. It is also important for the coach to know what kind of support the athlete actually has. Now after they sign, and get to school you are sidelined. But you asked about recruiting. I advise all parents to go on visits with your kids too.