With this ranking revival spurred by Grote and continued by A Goofy Runner, I decided it was time to re-erect the most beautiful poll you’ve ever seen. Given the lack of depth in my research, the poll is only going half-stock. It might not be the longest poll, but damnit, it’s the magic inside that counts. Without further ado, let’s rock the semi-edition of the Beat Poll:
1. Wisconsin – These asses play their cards tighter than Chris Moneymaker, but just like the World Series of Poker, that s*** as is old and annoying as re-runs of Lavern and Shirley. That said, no other team boasts three true individual contenders (Bairu, Solinksy, and Withrow for the dumb). Flank that with Ford, Eagon, Lockhart, and Wagner and take away those other non-crap dudes that fill out their Griak and Jim Drew rosters, and the Badgers are the favorite. Personally though, if I was Teg or Spiker and carried Wisconsin as an elite program the last few years and my coach decided to sit some healthy All-Americans in a greedy attempt for back-to-back titles, I’d be as angry as a Native American medical school reject. (For those of you that don’t know, med schools love Native Americans. Personally, I’m for affirmative action… hell, we tried to wipe out their entire people. If they can survive that, they can survive a few science classes. Med school and cross country – all about conviction.)
2. Colorado – They’re the defending champs (duh) and they bring back Billy Nelson. So where’s Brent Vaughn? Bring him along for the ride and CU has the 2nd best 1-2-3 punch in the country. Pifer, Strang, Hakrader, and Batliner give the Buffs some reliable depth as well, unlike their lady counterparts. Jackie hasn’t scored as much as she did at Pre-Nats since the last Dyestat convention.
3. Arkansas – OK, they destroyed an obviously over-rated Iona team at VCP. They also did real well at that home 9k they put on. But truth is, barring injury, I still haven’t seen enough to think the Hogs will knock off one of the two previously mentioned teams. Their pack at VCP was right under 24:50. Back when I ran, that time translated from anywhere to 30th to 60th at Nationals. However, with time inflation, you gotta figure that’s only getting worse. At Short Pepper, the pack was 20 seconds off of Forrest, who was behind most of the same Africans that Solinksy toasted and Benninger ran with at ND Invite. UW and ND will both have better spreads, and CU beat ND at Pre-Nats (no Vaughn to a 50% Van Ort). So why rank the Hogs in front of the Irish? Because they’re scoring 4 as long as Boit’s racing and they have the potential to have a 3rd low stick (joining Forrest), if Kosgei regains normal form. Now that’s way too much logic for internet cross country rankings, so back to mindless and offensive jokes.
4. Notre Dame – With O’Donnell improved, a healthy VanOrt should supply South Bend with a podium spot. Crap, I was supposed to resort to jokes… well how about this one: This Irish squad’s conception won’t be immaculate, but at least it will be automatic. Get it, it’s a Catholic school and they should get an auto spot. And since that wasn’t funny, how about some trivia – who was it that was immaculately conceived? If you guessed Jesus Christ, God love you, but you’re wrong. It was the Virgin Mary, who was born without original sin. Jesus conceived without sex is simply baffling, not immaculate. Of course I’m no theologian and what I just said could constitute heresy. Grote went to a Catholic school, ask him.
5. Arizona – Physiologically speaking, Kenyans just don’t do as well in the cold and Cheseret always peaks at the West Regional. And as always, these are predictions for Nationals, not rankings of current performance, so I stick the Wildcats here.
6. Stanford – Does anyone else read it Forrest Had-a-nippon?
7. BYU – Next year, with his 7th attempt, I think Rohatinsky will finally realize that the goal is to peak the Monday before Thanksgiving. I’m predicting another slide (see ND Invite vs Nationals 2004). In other news, Kantgogo (since TCU is banned from post-season competition) would have given the Cougars a legit podium shot.
8. UTEP – Texas Western has imported some damn good talent the last few years. While I could argue that their 5th man could hurt them, New Mexico proved last year that a few low sticks alone can get you in the top 10 as long as non of your scorers find themselves ‘racing’ next to the Hoosiers six and seven (see 2nd to DFL and DFL 2004).
9. Portland – Grote’s inferiority complex can stand at ease as the Pilot’s grace the top 10. The young team will improve with the added 2k.
10. Georgetown – Just like Debole will never be smoked, Fleet will always be Beat.
There you have it, the Beat Poll. It’s good to be back, I hope it was half as good for you as it was for me.