Should I give up my 4th year of collegiate running to marry my gf?

9/10 on this troll post, you got 4 pages of legitimate answers from people believing your post. Well done sir!

The Dump Truck wrote:

I gave up my 4th year of eligibility at a Power 5 D1 program because I graduated and had a job offer. I was a 15:00/31:00 mid packer with no scholarship, so I had no regrets.

If you're not trolling I have to ask why you were allowed to train with the team with those times? You'd be over a min in the 5k off the last scoring runner at any "power D1" program.

A human is allowed to change their mind.

Re: all the paragraphs I did not cut into this reply, you make good points that sound extremely unique to your personal situation and maturity level at the time. And it sounds like it all worked for you, so congrats and well done. You managed to succeed at something that the majority of people don't regardless of age or circumstance.

Re: this last paragraph from you I did include: this is precisely why most males should not get married before they are 30. It boils down to maturity and what is reasonably foreseeable for that particular person. How many 20 something males are in fact "immature, impulsive, poor decision-maker(s)?" Most? At least 1/3? The hypothetical and well reasoned factors you reference above simply are not considered by young men. They just get married and hope for the best.

You neglected to add kids to the equation, which don't come with all marriages, but certainly do with most. Asking a young 20 something who has had very little life experiences and has only been out of the nest for a few years to take care of himself is hard enough; add another human life to the picture and things tend to go terribly wrong very fast. Do people make it work nonetheless? Of course. Does that mean it will work for most 20 something males who do tie the knot? The statistics say it won't.

IF YOU TWO ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, SINCERELY WANT TO MARRY EACH OTHER AND BE TOGETHER AS LONG AS YOU ARE LIVING ON THIS EARTH, THEN GET MARRIED AND LET THE JOY BEGIN!

I agree with pretty much all of that. The intention of my post wasn't actually to convince the OP to get married (decent chance it was a troll post anyways). I actually just wanted younger people reading this (if there are any) to really contemplate the qualities that form a strong marriage. You are correct that most young men are not thinking about those factors and therefore not in a stage of life where they should get married. I 100% agree, which is why I posted what I did. I believe that framing it in the way I did has the potential to be more effective than simply saying "Don't get married until you're older". Or at least, it gives another perspective:

We tend to show everyone the divorce rates and all the reasons why marriage doesn't work. That needs to be said, but if we want things to change, it has to be followed up with how we can create good marriages that thrive. Young men and young women need to be taught so they can understand the factors that create a healthy marriage. Saying "wait until you're older" isn't teaching. That's lazy advice by an older generation. Instead say, "Wait until you've developed these habits and skills... here, I'll help you get there". (I'm talking in general, not specifically to you Ca$hclay.. I think we're somewhat on the same page).

So I believe people need to be mentored or taught how to improve their personal development so that when they meet someone they like, they are a person who is on their way to becoming a good spouse. Then throughout the relationship, the couple needs to have mentors that help them answer the tough questions and contemplate the factors that lead to a successful marriage- instead of the couple simply having fun and then deciding to marry.

And I also wanted older people to maybe not have a cynical view on marriage despite their bad experiences with it. When my wife and I were engaged in our early 20's, I can't tell you how many people "warned us" about the challenges of marriage. We always assumed people were well-intentioned, and we knew their concerns had merit, but sometimes the overwhelming negativity around marriage was a little much (especially with very few people giving us any positives). If you and your spouse do contemplate the factors I mentioned, and get married at a time that is appropriate for each of your (regardless of made-up societal timelines), then marriage can be one the greatest joys of your life, and it's absolutely awesome and amazing. Let's strive for something awesome, instead of just avoiding negatives. Marriage is hard at times for sure, but it should be easy for runners to understand that something can be both hard, challenging, frustrating, disappointing, a lot of work, etc. but also the greatest source of joy and fulfillment in your life.

I'm not a marriage expert by any means, and I can guarantee I'll be frustrated with my own marriage many times throughout my life, but that's my 2 cents.

Quite a few years ago, I chatted with someone who had to deal with divorces.

I asked for the statistics.

1. Finances (not even close)

2. One spouse gets more education (training) after the marriage, and changes who they are and what they want and who they want to associate with.

3. Both spouses agree on their goals, but have significant differences on the time to get there. Examples, wife wants a kid within a couple of years, and husband wanted to wait 5 years until it was affordable (wife might decide she needs to be a stay-at-home mom). Husband's career takes him through several cities as he climbs up the corporate ladder, so that he can return to the city they live in now (often near her parents) in about 15 years, but she wants to not leave, or return in around 5 years.

This person told me that high school sweethearts have a better chance of staying married, because they didn't go on to college and just worked.

Things have changed, but finances are still likely the top cause of divorce.

No question OP would be getting married too young in today's world.

But maybe it works out anyway.

Above me are good points: In many pre-marital classes, a great portion is spent on navigating financial issues. Obtaining at least a basic level of financial literacy and agreeing on spending habits (or at least accepting each other’s habits) is critical. Here’s some tips to get started on a decent financial track:

1. Pay off high APR debts first (so pay off your 25% APR credit card before your 5.3% undergrad school loan). *try to avoid debt in the first place. And if you’re in high school, seriously consider community college first instead of racking up debt at a private school.

2. Live cheaply for a little while- live with your parents or low-cost rent.

3. Don’t eat out or buy drinks if you don’t have a lot of money. Learn to cook: buy food in bulk such as oats, rice, Beans, eggs, whole-wheat products, in-season fruits/veggies on sale. For most of college and early years of marriage, I didn’t buy things that were more than $1.00 per 1b, and I felt like I ate pretty well. And buying coffee, smoothies, or soft drinks every day is just dumb.

4. Don’t buy an expensive car. Go on google and search “most reliable used-cars”. Then search those make and models on a site like car guru or something. I bought a car for $1700 on Facebook that I’ve now had almost 4 years.. great car. If you can pay in cash, you don’t have to get full-protection insurance; you only need liability insurance. This can save you a lot per month in addition to not having a car payment.

5. Dave Ramsey is great, but having good credit is also great. Once in college, Get a credit card, but only buy $5-10 worth of stuff on it each month and then make your payments every month to build credit score so you can save money with a lower mortgage rate in the future. For everything else, buy with debit card so you don’t spend what you don’t have. Also, force yourself to look at your card summary each month so you know exactly how much you spent and what you spent it on.

6. Once you acquire at least some money and have paid off high APR debts, open up a free investment account at Vanguard or Charles Schwabb or something. Just get a simple ETF that covers most of the market like an S&P 500 fund (Ex. VOO).

7. Once you start working, set up a 401(k) through the same financial institution and have your employer put ‘x’ amount of dollars into it per month. (Even just $50 a month is good to start with).

8. Don’t get a mortgage that is going to be stressful to pay. Owning a home is great- and a good investment if you don’t for-close. But timing is also important. If you have poor credit and can’t put a lot of money down, I’d be hesitant to get an FHA loan. You often end up with high PMI (which could be up to $200-$300 a month and other loan fees that end up costing you a good amount of money in the long run). If you can have credit above 740 with at least 10% down, you can get a good mortgage rate and will likely only pay low PMI for about 5 years. And if you can, avoid buying in a sellers market (know the market).

9. When you start to accumulate money, your spending habits can change, but make small changes, and communicate with your spouse on your values. At some point, you have to let each other buy stuff or you’re going to have a lot of conflict. But both of you have to agree on what’s reasonable, and this will be constantly changing as your financial situation changes. You can’t just communicate once and expect to be good for life.

10. Try not to let the stress of financial burdens lead you to act like a jerk and strain your marriage. When you get in a fight, take a moment to contemplate the true cause of your fight. Would you still be having this fight if you were well-rested, happy, and financially stable? Financial stress is Hard, but don’t take it out on each other- instead, work together to overcome it... although that’s a lot easier said than done.

Really, I can't believe the OP is serious. what grown man asks a group of complete strangers for advice on marriage and his future???

Thanks for the response and here's to staying married . . . til death, but only when ready. Who would've thought that so much positivity could come from a troll post?

this was not a troll post, haha. I've been off letsrun for the past few days. Can't believe how many responses this got. Yeah, it's stupid in a way to ask letsrun for advice on this, but idrc. I think there were some really good pieces of advice here for me. Also excited someone gave me a 9/10 hahaha