Should I give up my 4th year of collegiate running to marry my gf?

no.

CrispyChicken wrote:

No. The sooner you get married, the sooner you will get divorced. You both need to experience the real world after college before getting married.

Bingo.

I don't think you will get divorced but do think you should spend at least a year out of college before you get married. The real world is A LOT different than college. Your brain isn't even fully formed yet.

Put a little stress in your relationship and see if it sticks.

sbeefyk2 wrote:

On the one hand I think it’s silly to keep running in college. I look back at my 5 years and, even though I was a 2x D1 NCAA Championships qualifier, it was a waste of time. I regret not spending more time doing something else, such as studying and internships, instead of running. So, yes get married and blow off the 4th year. You won’t regret it.

^^^^ This part is false. Yes he regrets not studying more. But what he doens't understand yet is that if he studied more, he'd regret not focusing on running more. We as humans are always thinking whatever we aren't doing is better - it's often not the case.

Honestly, the extra year of debt seems like a bigger deal to me, although sleep Joe may just start erasing that left and right. If you can graduate and not take on extra debt I would do that. I don't see why getting married is contingent on the last year of track. You could get married and come back or get married a year later.

From an old (but still serious) runner who has been retired from work for eight years. Several points, observations, suggestions:

You are only young once. Don't rush anything. Take you running as far as you can and as far as you want to. Regrets are tough to deal with.

Anyway you cut it you are going to be working for about the next 30 years. One more year is not going to make a lick of difference in the big picture. $10,000 in debt is nothing if you get serious about paying it off and maybe delay having kids until you do.

In the future, no one will give a toss that you graduated in three years. Anymore than if you graduated in five years with dual majors so you could use your last year of track eligibility - like I did. Most employers just look at "College degree?' "Check" and move on . That you have the degree puts you 90% there with most jobs. A grad degree can help with promotions in certain careers.

If she loves you, she will understand and support you. Just like you would support her if the roles were reversed.

Take you time. Enjoy life and your youth. College may the easiest time in your life until you retire.

If you stay the last year, then work like heck and make it count!

Good luck and choose wisely.

rojo wrote:

Bingo.

I don't think you will get divorced but do think you should spend at least a year out of college before you get married. The real world is A LOT different than college. Your brain isn't even fully formed yet.

Put a little stress in your relationship and see if it sticks.

+1 This one right here.

I'd recommend you continue running your 4th year, and if she really cares about you and the relationship, she would support you on that. After all, you do need to experience the real world before getting married like rojo stated. Where will she be in a year? Probably still looking for a job or maybe grad school if that is the case, and still trying to figure out her life. So, why rush it and get married when both of you are not well settled and know exactly where your life is headed? Enjoy your 4th while you can, by this time I think running has become part of your life, and I can't see how easily would it be for you to give that up.

RUN.

To respond to Ca$hclay first, I think there’s a good chance this a troll post and I took your post as “I’m joking.. but it’s also the truth”.

This ‘real world’ stuff is overrated IMO. First, college kids deal with a heck of a lot of perceived stress. I’m not going to quote the percentage of mental health/depression/anxiety issues in college students because all the stats vary from source to source, but it’s crazy high. Anyone in higher ed can attest. 40 year olds can claim ‘life will only get harder’, but the reality is everything is relative. If you’re depressed, you’re depressed.. regardless of if “adults” deem the issue is a big deal or not.

So with that, I think it’s dumb to say your relationship won’t be strained in college. You’re balancing school, running, probably a job, having a college social life, having practically no money, and figuring out literally everything of how to live on your own. With all that, there’s good odds at least one of the two in your relationship is dealing with anxiety or depression. So far, college was BY FAR the most straining time of my relationship with my wife. Once we got married, our life in college was actually far easier and more enjoyable. Although I’m certain we will face tough times in the future.

I’d also like to challenge the idea you need to be ‘settled’ before you get married. Your life is never going to be perfect. In a lot of professions, you could be fired at almost anytime. Almost everyone is going to have something that disrupted their life after they thought they were ‘settled’. Man, I absolutely loved it in college when people said “How are you going to pay to live being married in college?” I said “uhh.. I currently pay rent, and so does she... our studio is actually going to cost less than what we pay collectively”. In addition, we’re both going to get a $3,000 pell grant each semester now that we’re independents with no income, so we’re both saving money AND making $14,000 from grants.” After college, we weren’t ‘settled’. We lived with our parents- both hers and mine- for almost 3 years total. I know, we’re such losers right? Lol, Man the stigma of living with your parents is so stupid. We saved $15k a year in rent/utilities/etc. (CA cost of living) I don’t regret it at all. You know what we did the extra $45k... bought a nice freakin house we’ll enjoy for the rest of our lives for 3 measly years of slightly less than ideal living.

In addition, marriage is supposed to be forming a team. When sh!t hits the fan, isn’t it easier to get through it with a partner? Don’t you want to figure out life with your ‘life partner’? I don’t get it- Do people not work together with their spouses to make each better?

Lastly, people talk about ‘experiencing life’ and ‘having fun’ before you marry. Lol, I just don’t understand that one. Pretty much everything I do is way more fun with my wife... I mean, I actually enjoy being with her.. I guess other people don’t like their spouses? I travel way more now that I’m married (mainly because my wife wants too and we actually have money) and it’s freakin great. I’ve traveled to races alone- it kinda sucks- it’s so much better with my wife.

I understand not everyone has this experience with marriage. So if you don’t like spending time with your girlfriend, don’t marry her. If you and your gf don’t plan on being a lifelong team that makes each other better- don’t marry her. If you don’t have the same fundamental life goals you plan to work together towards- then don’t marry her. If divorce is an option for one or both of you simply because you “don’t feel happy or don’t feel in love anymore”, then don’t get marry her. If all your friends and family hate the girl and says she bad for you, don’t marry her. If your friends and family tell you that you’re an immature, impulsive, poor decision-maker, then don’t marry her. If she’s any of those things, don’t marry her. But otherwise, get married, and have your wife support you in having the best running year of your life.

Perhaps OP wants to know if the coach would get more money to keep OP running another year.

If so, a couple of posts have suggested that not likely.

Maybe OP is not ready to settle down, so giving up another year is too much, too soon.

Otherwise, it appears

GF thought OP would object so that she can find a way out.

GF wants to know how much control she will have over OP (before eventually finding a man with more self-esteem).

Great post. 100% in agreement.

Free_the_thigh wrote:

Dur wrote:

This should be an option, right?

My head hurts, because I can’t understand what ops issue is.

These things aren’t contradictory. You made up this imaginary either or situation.

Do you want to run a fourth year? That is literally the only real question here.

I'm equally confused. I'm not American, but just when I think I start to understand the whole college culture, threads like this confuse me all over again.

rojo wrote:

sbeefyk2 wrote:

On the one hand I think it’s silly to keep running in college. I look back at my 5 years and, even though I was a 2x D1 NCAA Championships qualifier, it was a waste of time. I regret not spending more time doing something else, such as studying and internships, instead of running. So, yes get married and blow off the 4th year. You won’t regret it.

^^^^ This part is false. Yes he regrets not studying more. But what he doens't understand yet is that if he studied more, he'd regret not focusing on running more. We as humans are always thinking whatever we aren't doing is better - it's often not the case.

Yes exactly!

I got married while I still had 2 semesters left in school and my fiancé had graduated. No reason you can’t get married this summer and run XC in the fall. You already lost a year to covid I wouldn’t give up another. What’s the rush anyways to start making real money so you can acquire things? Well 12 years into this I’m still trying to make more money to acquire things it is continuous for the rest of your life even as you make more.

I stayed for an extra semester to run track with a tuition scholarship and I'm glad I did.

Sad that you're even asking this question. If that girl isn't the #1 in your life then why is she marrying you? She deserves better. The fact that you have to think about putting off marriage for the sake of anything else shows that maybe your priorities are not set up for a successful, lifelong relationship.

You can always run. You can be married and run like others have said. But if it's a one or the other... I would always choose being married to my amazing wife.

And 10k of debt is one less thing I'd like to bring to a new marriage.

thisworldisscrewedup wrote:

Sad that you're even asking this question. If that girl isn't the #1 in your life then why is she marrying you? She deserves better. The fact that you have to think about putting off marriage for the sake of anything else shows that maybe your priorities are not set up for a successful, lifelong relationship.

Well, maybe there is a reason for that.

Marriage should not be a priority when you are still in college. You still have 10 years to do that.

You don't know yet what you want in your lifelong relationship, so waiting a little, might be a good thing.

You do realize you are allowed to be married and be in college at the same time, right?

As others have mentioned you have two questions which are totally unrelated and should stay unrelated.

Will you graduate early and get a job, graduate and go to grad school for a year, or stay on extra year in school?

Will you get married now or in a year or two?

impatient, undecided wrote:We've both talked about getting married after we graduate, and both think I should graduate early, and just get married the summer we graduate..

This is being overlooked. He and his gf have discussed this and reached an agreement and now he wants to go back on his agreement. The time to bring this up with his gf has passed.