Stood up to GF's uncle, lost my GF

Your ex was likely looking for a reason to break up with you and you set it up perfectly for her. She had likely been wanting to break up long before that, but didn’t have the heart since Christmas was approaching.

She realized you were soft long before that and she was most certainly lining up another guy before the sweater incident.

I suspect you were never really her type and were not able to satisfy her sexually.

Move on. She’s long gone.

You were an alpha that day wrote:

These guys are all betas bro! You did the right thing 100 percent, these guys probably get pushed around all the time, you stood up for yourself and that’s worth a hell of a lot!

Weak men never understand what real strength of character is. I'll give you a hint, you beta pu$$y, everything the OP did (in his troll post) was the opposite of alpha - he showed no strength, no character, no intelligence - he reacted like a weak azz bLtch, no different than letting out a scream when they see a mouse. A real man knows family is important, full stop. What is never important, is caring what other people think about a shirt he wears - pu$$ys care what others think. Just like you. Weak.

weak azz beta spotted wrote:

You were an alpha that day wrote:

These guys are all betas bro! You did the right thing 100 percent, these guys probably get pushed around all the time, you stood up for yourself and that’s worth a hell of a lot!

Weak men never understand what real strength of character is. I'll give you a hint, you beta pu$$y, everything the OP did (in his troll post) was the opposite of alpha - he showed no strength, no character, no intelligence - he reacted like a weak azz bLtch, no different than letting out a scream when they see a mouse. A real man knows family is important, full stop. What is never important, is caring what other people think about a shirt he wears - pu$$ys care what others think. Just like you. Weak.

Yes, this. The gf lost all respect for him, as he showed incredibly weak character and inability to handle a very minor social situation. There is NO way the gf will take him back or respect him again. She concluded - correctly - that he'll act like a little b*tch on the most minor things if he couldn't even handle this extremely small thing for her. By hiding in the bathroom, he acted like a stupid little schoolgirl (as someone else said here) - this made it 100x worse. She was 100% correct to dump him. He sounds like an immature and very weak loser.

OP - grow up, man up and get the f over it (and all those minor things that probably bother you endlessly). Be better. A lot better. Then you might get some respect, and another decent gf. Until then, women will avoid you like the plague once they've smelt the weak immaturity you displayed here.

That was my first thought, too. If this is not a troll post, this is totally a Penn State family. Forget the girlfriend!

Maybe reframe this. You haven’t dated in a year. How much sex did not wearing a shirt for 3 minutes cost you? Now do you think it was worth it?

This sounds like a post from the4:30miler. If that's the case, excellent work, 10/10. Original, entertaining, not too obvious.

If not...

Deer OP, I'm with you 100%. I think that's great that you stood your ground. (I'm way too polite, and would have likely complied while feeling it was wrong). Wait to shut down a bully! However, that also shows that you didn't care so much about your gf. Now, a year later and during the holidays (when everyone feels a little nostalgic), you are thinking of her again. That's normal and not at all an indication that you care for her.

You just need a (new) girlfriend. Go find one. It's not hard!

You are certainly in the right to refuse to wear the sweater.

But you played it wrong.

You should have first rejected the offer with humor and tact ( "Oh its fine, my college buddies would never let me live this down haha, how about I take the photo! *huge grin on face*)

If he insisted, firmly state the position, but in a friendly manner. If he continues you counter with ("It will be ok, its just a sweater and I am newcomer to the family gathering - it completely acceptable for me to not be in the photo, plus you probably don't want to remember me anyways since im [ ] alumni anyways....."

Essentially force the Uncle to make a scene and be awkward. Instead you seemed to make the scene, acted overly defensive and awkward, and skulked off to the bathroom.

You also seemed very worried about your girlfriend's acceptance on this and made it a big deal "Lets understand each others side on this". I would have firmly brushed the incident off after and if anyone brought it up been like "Really, we are still talking about a photo with sweaters, who cares...where are meeting for drinks tonight?" Leaving the party early? It's not like you punched someone in the face.....

Good stuff. I don’t even eat mount olive pickles as Mount Olive college is our school rival.

Real Family wrote:

We all know this is a troll because no one wants the boyfriend in the family Christmas photo.

Oh, been there...Not a Christmas photo in this case, but a photo at a wedding. I was really uncomfortable being in the photo since I was going to be the only boyfriend (or girlfriend) in the photo. I was also uncomfortable since I was not sure if I was going to keep dating the girl. I tried to get out of it, but I was not savvy enough to come up with a diplomatic way out on the spur of the moment.

Oh, and there are a lot of our family Christmas pics with BF/GFs who are no longer around.

pavement88 wrote:

This reeks of a Penn State family.

I don't want to dox but OP did post from the state of PA.

After reading the initial post, I don't need to go any further. You dated for five months a year ago and you are still thinking about this? I have sh#t in my fridge that's been there longer than five months. You need to go snort cocaine off a whore's ass until you get your self respect back.

The correct way to play this:

1. Wear the sweater, humor the big guy in his house and tell him you went to the rival school and then say "I will never live this down, ha ha!"

2. If your friends ask you about it you say "The things you do to get laid, man."

3. When a girl dumps you, it really means they dumped you a month ago and were hanging on for some dumb reason or they were waiting until a better suitor came around. If it's one thing I learned, it's that women always have some desperate dude orbiting and waiting for chance with your girl. It doesn't matter if a girl is 3 or a 10. Their is some guy who wants to get laid. It's happened with me twice, it's happened to many of my friends, it happens all the time.

You may not feel like hooking up with someone new, and that's fine. Nobody is forcing you to sleep around. But you must take the steps to detach immediately and not think about her anymore especially a year later. Absolutely no contact.

This is the sort of awkward thing that happens when nice people try to be assertive or aggresive. It's so awkward it makes me want to cringe—I can only imagine what it would have been like to be there.

You have elevate to his level of aggression. Raise your voice, saying something like "I aint gonna wear that goddamn sweatshirt!" with a smile, for example, would have worked so much better than the smug, quiet, polite "I dont 'feel' right wearing that sweatshirt, so I'm gonna pass, thank you though". I know so many people who talk like that. No one likes it, it might sound polite and nice in your head but when you say it out loud it is deceptively rude.

Also, when someone invites you into their home, and they have X and Y tradition, there is some merit in respecting it. You can get out of drinking, but something like being in some stupid picture, you aren't so great that you get to say no to stuff like that.

Not an issue worth taking a stand for. If you really cared about this girl you would have sucked it up and taken the picture. If you really cared about this girl you would take a picture with a shirt that says just about anything. Clothes and/or what other people see does not define character.

Showbiz Pizza wrote:

3. When a girl dumps you, it really means they dumped you a month ago and were hanging on for some dumb reason or they were waiting until a better suitor came around. If it's one thing I learned, it's that women always have some desperate dude orbiting and waiting for chance with your girl. It doesn't matter if a girl is 3 or a 10. Their is some guy who wants to get laid. It's happened with me twice, it's happened to many of my friends, it happens all the time.

You may not feel like hooking up with someone new, and that's fine. Nobody is forcing you to sleep around. But you must take the steps to detach immediately and not think about her anymore especially a year later. Absolutely no contact.

This.

There is plenty of advice on this thread about the school colors and about the uncle, for when other such incidents occur in the future.

Some have focused on why OP started this thread, and I think the above is the best advice from the experiences of myself and my friends...and as Showbiz Pizza says, it doesn't matter what she looks like (and doesn't matter who gets dumped), most women have at least one guy hovering around that they will use as a temp.

You're socially illiterate.

At the most basic level, I want to leave it at "you're in the man's house, wear the gift, take the picture, shut up".

That'd be dismissive, rude, and unhelpful, so should you somehow find yourself with another girlfriend, here's a "What you could've done" that'll hopefully help you stop seeing things solely in black and white (along with the pathetic self-victimization over nothing).

You get a sweatshirt from a rival school. You could've subtly worked into conversation that "this is a real ballbuster of a gift". Someone would've asked why. You would've told them. Now, if you hadn't broken down into tears at this point, you could've engaged in some lighthearted ribbing about said rivalry. Then, when it came time to take the picture, everyone would've a.) been busting your chops in a good-natured, harmless way and b.) probably commenting about what a good sport you were.

Maybe the next time you're over there, you and the uncle wear gear from your respective schools and take a goofy "put your dukes up" photo.

Families are made up of all types of people and pulling garbage like you did only makes other people uncomfortable and very obviously didn't benefit you .

Your ex didn't chose your uncle over you. She just didn't want to deal with a guy so socially unaware that he can't function in the most tepid situations.

You were in a no lose situation and someone found a way to lose horribly.

We've all f'd up relationships. Myself very verrrry much included. Your situation wasn't about that. You literally don't know how to function as a social human. The scary part is that a year later, you haven't realized that. I find it almost unbelievable that a friend didn't point this out to you right away, though I also understand that in 2020, everything I encouraged would probably elicit some accusation of myself being a proponent of toxic masculinity or something stupid about patriarchal oppression. Did you not run this by your father/older sibling/any other adult male on the planet?

7/10

You upper deck the toilet and say Roll Tide

Next time just put on the sweater and stand behind everyone. No one would be able to tell what you were wearing because the others will block you out.

Man you shoulda just taken the picture. This college rival stuff literally means nothing at the end of the day. You lost a girlfriend because you couldn’t take a picture? Yes standing up for yourself is always feels good, but was this really standing up for yourself? It sounds more like two divas got to butt heads over a stupid picture.