NightNinja13 wrote:
I think ultimately this is a nuanced conversation. If you're texting kids on the team constantly, running with individuals daily, and generally showering a particular kid with attention, you're asking for trouble. But the "never have a private conversation with an athlete, ever" mindset is deeply flawed as well. A good coach will be somewhere in between those two poles.
I actually agree with this. I looked back and saw your response to my earlier post. Let me add some detail for context:
I coach at an exclusive private school in South Florida. Tuition north of 40K. Parents have more power than they should. Many feel they should get what they want because they pay the 40K.
I coached girls high school soccer (I stopped doing that 5 years ago) and currently track and field for boys and girls. A male high school girls basketball coach at this school was caught and subsequently fired for having an inappropriate relationship with his 16-year old athlete a few years back. Among the things he did, he would drop this girl home after games to help out the parents who both worked (does this sound like something that was posted in this thread?) A track coach that worked for a rival school caught and fired for making inappropriate contact with several of his female athletes last year. So, male coaches and their relationship with female athletes has been under tremendous scrutiny. We've had workshops, been briefed on new policies etc.
Part of why I quit coaching girls soccer was the nonsense from the kids and the parents. In my last season, that ended in the state finals appearance, I had an athlete claim to her parents that I yelled and called her names and threaten to never play her. Totally false and that was backed up by a female assistant coach that I intentionally asked to be present for a "pep" talk I had with this athlete after a practice. She was a senior who just wasn't giving effort in practices and her performances were being affected as a result. She flat out demanded that she should start and play more and threatened to quit if she didn't get more playing time. I took a very positive approach, was encouraging but made sure to say that her playing time was directly connected to how she did in practices. If she didn't practice hard, she wouldn't play as much as she wanted. Two days later I was called into my ADs office and asked to explain why this athlete claimed I was "abusive." After the season another parent claimed I cursed at her child and said it happened during a private post-practice meeting. I don't have private meetings and I NEVER curse while coaching. Both as private policy. The allegations weren't believed (as far as I can tell) by the AD, but that was it for me.
Having good relationships with your athletes is vital. As a throws coach I've found that if the student-athletes respects and trust you, there is so much more that can be achieved. Success isn't guaranteed, but the chances of achieving goals are significantly increased if the rapport between athlete and coach is good. If there is a need for a "one-on-one," and there is, during practice or competition, then it can happen under the right circumstances. Out in the open and in front of others, while keeping the conversation private. So I do it, and do it effectively.
But there isn't a single acceptable circumstance that I can think of where a male coach should be a lone in a car, a room, an office or anywhere else that is secluded with their female or male high school/middle school/youth athlete. It's just too risky, Too risky for the coach. Too risky for the kids.
It stinks, yes. But a few bad apples have absolutely changed the game. And if you aren't taking the right precautions as a coach you are leaving yourself open for trouble. Remember, all it takes is one false accusation. The moment that it becomes public, your life as you know it is over.