My wife wants to divorce but stay in the house together for the children

All the advice given so far is awful.

Let me break it down for you:

You promised to love, honor, and obey your wife as long as you both shall live, till death do you part. Divorce is not as option unless you like spending eternity in hell.

You picked her. You had children with her. Work it out.

I don't even want to live in the same city as my ex. Last few days we had in the house before we divorced were miserable, even though I was the one walking on eggshells to keep any semblance of peace. You do not want that. You need to be free from her if she wants divorce. It'll be hard enough sharing kids.

And you don't want to see her with another guy, even if he is a loser.

Don't move out til the divorce is finalized. Sell the place, even if you really like it. You need a fresh start on life in a new place without her. You need to live in a place that has no memories of her.

This might be the worst post on this forum.........today.

OP should probably start finding a contractor to build an extra bedroom for the ex and her new boyfriend.

Much cheaper than paying for another whole house if OP kicks her out.

Warm weather state? She can build a she-shed in the back yard and live in there...

No advice, just condolences. That's awful.

On the other hand, lots of people bounce back from adversity. I hope you can make it out of this stronger and not bitter.

I dated a girl whose parents divorced and decided to live in the same house. It caused a lot of problems. The mom would bring guys home for dinner, just gay friends apparently, but that didn't prevent the physical fights. She said it was common for cops to be called over to the house due to the fighting. This was one of several things that really messed with her head and caused her to resent her parents.

The sad truth is that divorce is expensive and maintaining two separate households is expensive. Your wife is realizing that and trying to find a way to cope with it.

Her proposal to keep living together in the same house post-divorce is something you're uncomfortable with. You don't need to know how other people do it to make your decision. I will tell you, in the vast world, every divorce is different, and some people do continue to live together and others don't. You have to decide what is right for you.

Outside of what the court orders you, you don't owe your wife anything. So, don't feel like you have to compromise on your post-divorce living arrangements. She has to figure her living situation out herself. You're going to be giving her more than enough money to live comfortably. You will probably be the one that has to shack up in a lousy apartment.

First of all, get counseling to clarify issues and to figure out the direction of the relationship. If the relationship is beyond repair, get a GOOD ATTORNEY AND PROTECT WHAT YOU HAVE and come to an iron clad agreement on custody and child support. The scenario you are describing is very unrealistic and all it will lead to is a lot of trauma for everyone and multiple court appearances.

Let me help you wrote:

As a woman I will tell you this: The answer on the house is NO. She wants a divorce from you but she wants retain benefits of being married to you (a house she cannot afford on her own). She is going to start dating another guy while living in that house that you mostly pay for. Don’t stand for it. Stay in the house with her now for custody purposes but make sure part of the divorce agreement is selling that house.

This is a bullseye:

Also, StevePrefonDead's post is outstanding....

The key for you should be when your wife told you "she never loved you."

Right away, I knew your wife has already found someone else.

This scenario is even covered in the movie "When Harry Met Sally," which Nora Ephron wrote the screenplay to show the differences in how men and women view relationships.

She may need you around to fake charges against you, and this is all going to come down to money in a divorce court. She will accuse you of abuse to get money, and her attorney gets a percentage of what she gets, in addition to other fees.

I agree they will insist that you pay the attorney fees.

Her quest for money may be, in part, because her new lover is a loser: either also married, or a bum that will put up with her for the free sex.

This did not happen to me, but I've seen the same pattern too many times.

coach wrote:

StevePrefonDead wrote:

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

This

X 1000!

StevePrefonDead wrote:

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

This this this! (From my hard-earned experience.)

I’ll add: get a therapist (any kind) just to have someone outside of your other relationships to talk to. It’s a big load, too big for your family and friends to bear with you, and it’s worth it to have a dedicated set of ears to listen to you every week or other week.

Wow, this thread is eye opening. I just finished school last year, I’m pretty young, (23) so I can’t really give advice to the OP but as a young non married person I can say that I’m using this as a cautionary tale. Dating wise and Marriage wise I guess people really surprise you. I had a few friends get cheated on and their girlfriends seemed so innocent and I honestly didn’t even see them as the type to hook up with a lot of guys. I guess you really don’t know people, Dating wise I like many others struggle with putting people on a pedestal, when you’re very attracted to someone you often imagine themselves as a better version of a person then they actually are.

Sounds like you should have bet 2 hundred thou on red or black at the casino instead of getting married. Hindsight 20/20

Every day, every hour you are around her you are opening yourself up to accusations of abuse.

Get a lawyer, get this filed ASAP.

You have to start protecting yourself . There are no points given in court for being a "good guy".

Until you get to court you need to make sure every action, every decision involving the kids, everything to do with money is confirmed by her in writing via email. You should do the same with her.

my parents got divorced when I was 6 and neither moved out. I spent at least 5 yrs of my life thinking that they would get back together and it absolutely broke my heart that it didn't work. Whatever you do, make it clear that the relationship is over.

StevePrefonDead wrote:

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

this

You need to remember that she has been thinking about this for 10 years. You need to play catch up and get your lawyers in a row.

Literally do not do anything other than consult with a good divorce lawyer in your state. Any advice here is well meaning but does not know the laws of where you are and the real details. I have been through this and although you want to work it out with her together it does not work in practice. You do not need to tell her about your lawyer consultation just yet, but you need to do this now. Also, pay for a good lawyer, I had a crappy one who was cheap and unresponsive.

When you’re married, you can buy assets and put them in your own name, but it comes to sell, both spouses get equal proceeds from the sale.