That’s the eating disorder talking. It never got severe for me but I used to have a weight issue too.
Earlier this year I cut down mileage to 30 mpw to focus on weight lifting, hills and faster intervals and put on about 10 lbs of muscle. Getting back into a big base was really hard. 7:15 miles felt really hard at first and it was really sad. My easy mileage pace hasn’t come down to where it was, but I’m able to run much higher mileage without getting as sore and my race times are a lot better. I’ve PRd my 400m by 3 seconds (54-51) and I feel like I’m crushing my faster pace work. I also feel like I’m ready to demolish my 800m PR as well.
Moral of the story, weight gain hurts your paces at first but pays you dividends in the end, as your body handles mileage better and you are less injury prone.
I pray for your full recovery man... eating problems suck. I know it’s easier said than done, but enjoy your food man, it’s very hard to gain unhealthy weight when running high mileage, so if you are gaining weight, that’s your bodies way of saying it needs it.