Is it worth getting married?

The phrase "my ball and chain" sounds funny when you're young, single, dating. But when you're married for 5, 10, 15, 20+ years, you look back and wish you had realized just how literal and accurate "ball and chain" describes your situation.

The only reason to get married is if you plan to have children. If not, what's the point?

Married couples have higher rates of happiness, and are better off financially.

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/married-couples-are-happier-than-everyone-else-especially-in-middle-age-2019-05-23

Yes! But you need to find the right person. Settling or just getting married to be married is dumb. Rushing into things is also a poor idea overall I find but have seen the opposite as well. Don't believe the advertised divorce rate either. But I have seen maybe people get married that shouldn't have married that person and in most causes were told it was a bad idea and guess what!? It was lol. I mean you can always have a life long partner without marriage. Cheaper that way I guess lol.

Marriage is great if you are lucky enough to find the right person which most people never do.

LeBronFAM wrote:

Considering how many end in divorce, and then the unhappy ones, why does anyone bother with it. Plus when you get older and gross looking you still have to be with your old gross partner.

But you can be gross looking together ;)

The only solid marriage advice my mom gave me was, "marry someone you can stand being mad at". LOL

I think one thing that being married shows you, is all of your bad parts. So trust is important in marriage because you are incredibly vulnerable to one another, which leads to communication being just as important as being able to trust that person. Also, admitting when you are wrong. Apologizing. Never underestimate the importance of saying "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Some people grow apart, which leads to divorce. Some people marry for superficial reasons, so they don't make it because they do not have a strong foundation. Again, communication is the key and not just going through the motions as time passes by.

The whole "opposites attract" thing also has some merit. I thought I had a type of guy, until I met my husband, and he was nothing like what I had dated in the past, looks or personality wise. Having an open mind when looking for a partner, can also help, because again, people change over time. Making sure your personalities "click" is essential and also having good, inexplainable chemistry is important, in my opinion.

It has not always been easy, but for me, marriage has been worth it. And my mom was right, he is my favorite person to be mad at ;).

If you have to ask, no. Just keep an open mind and spend your time with people you enjoy being around.

IMO most people marry based on emotion rather than evaluation and consideration. When our relationship started getting more involved I thought long and hard about taking the next step including genetics, family stability, her goals and education, her health and that of her family members, and her age since she is 9 years younger than me. I engaged her in many discussions before hand to make sure she was in accord. That was 36 years ago and although we have changed a bit over the years we both still realize that we're stronger together than apart. People just need to plan well for the future.

LeBronFAM wrote:

Considering how many end in divorce,

Certainly there is a far lower divorce rate among unmarried couples.

When you find the right person it’s totally worth it. But then, after all these years I’m still not “stuck with someone old and gross looking”, so I might be biased.

ElRunner wrote:

The only solid marriage advice my mom gave me was, "marry someone you can stand being mad at". LOL

I think one thing that being married shows you, is all of your bad parts. So trust is important in marriage because you are incredibly vulnerable to one another, which leads to communication being just as important as being able to trust that person.

Trust. Trust that the other person 'gets you' or 'understands where you are coming from' or 'reserves judgement until things are fully communicated'. This sort of communicative trust will determine how a marriage lasts.

candlestick maker wrote:

The only reason to get married is if you plan to have children. If not, what's the point?

This.

Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homosexual; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a b!$#@; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your c0ck must work.

Being married rocks. Even if it ended in divorce, it would still be better than never being married. And you could get married to someone else, which would be great too.

I just celebrated 10 years. 3 kids. It’s awesome.

Lenny Leonard wrote:

Being married rocks. Even if it ended in divorce, it would still be better than never being married. And you could get married to someone else, which would be great too.

I just celebrated 10 years. 3 kids. It’s awesome.

Actually, divorce is a huge pain, even if you don't have kids. Unless neither person has any assets. Better to live with someone for five years then split up then to be married 5 years and then divorce.

Honestly marriage (followed by kids) is the #1 thing I recommend to anybody who would listen. It's very important to spend time in a variety of circumstances with the potential Mr./Mrs. right. My wife and I did not live together or shag prior to getting married at 23, but we got out and did all kinds of activities together, often with things going off the rails and ending up as a total sh!t show. You need to get into some big fights and learn how to give and accept an apology. I'd also try and get to know the in laws (and to a lesser extent, her siblings) and same for your wife. Once kids come around, you're going to want the kids have grandparent relationships (and you'll want a bloody babysitter!) and if there is major dysfunction that can complicate things and result in a ton of "wasted" energy.

I've been lucky/took advantage of opportunities and have landed in a leadership position in my industry and make more $ and have more power that I ever thought I would. The satisfaction of that accomplishment (or any other running/work/school gold star) is almost immeasurable to the joy I get from having a functioning family and a loving relationship with my wife. I know that's probably not "cool" or sufficiently cynical these days, but it's my take.

What things do you think have changed the most about your partner and how do you deal with it. Like the person you married at 23 isn't the same now

LeBronFAM wrote:

Considering how many end in divorce, and then the unhappy ones, why does anyone bother with it. Plus when you get older and gross looking you still have to be with your old gross partner.

If you would rather be alone than with your gross looking partner, then you should definitely stay single. And unless you are really rich (10 million+), you aren't getting a better looking partner at 50+ than would have at 30.

dadsfadsfdasfdsafdas wrote:

LeBronFAM wrote:

Considering how many end in divorce, and then the unhappy ones, why does anyone bother with it. Plus when you get older and gross looking you still have to be with your old gross partner.

If you would rather be alone than with your gross looking partner, then you should definitely stay single. And unless you are really rich (10 million+), you aren't getting a better looking partner at 50+ than would have at 30.

You can have a partner without being married. And you can stay with them as long as you want. The question is why marry if you don't want kids?

not the way it works wrote:

dadsfadsfdasfdsafdas wrote:

If you would rather be alone than with your gross looking partner, then you should definitely stay single. And unless you are really rich (10 million+), you aren't getting a better looking partner at 50+ than would have at 30.

You can have a partner without being married. And you can stay with them as long as you want. The question is why marry if you don't want kids?

There are legal and financial reasons to be married vs living together. For example if your partner becomes ill and can't make decisions, do you want to be the decision maker or his or her parents or siblings? Some health plans don't cover domestic partners. A spouse can inherit without paying inheritance tax. Etc. There are numerous practical reasons to marry.

For many, emotionally, marriage is different. It's just not the same being married vs living together and that commitment is important.