yeah, what a terrible idea. showing some respect to the father and mother of the woman you want to marry. They only created and raised her, after all. what the hell do they care about her committing herself to another for life? just send them an email update when the deal is done. after you tell your 476 facebook friends that is.
handlee wrote:
yeah, what a terrible idea. showing some respect to the father and mother of the woman you want to marry. They only created and raised her, after all. what the hell do they care about her committing herself to another for life? just send them an email update when the deal is done. after you tell your 476 facebook friends that is.
priceless. and dead on, too.
seriously, buddy? are you SERIOUS? S-E-R-I-O-U-S?
if you are man enough to get married then you need to answer your own question, do you want to do this?
does showing respect for your in-laws matter to you? do you want your kids to do the same to you?
here's what I did: I asked my wife then when we announced it to her parents I told them that we wanted to get married and hoped that they would approve
now that I have a daughter, I hope anybody asking my daughter asks me too
just don't elope and then tell them you got married, that's the no-no
somebody asked my father-in-law what he would have done if I would have asked him for his daughters hand, to which he replied
"I would've said, 'what the hell are asking me for'? go ask her"
so I think it's a case by case decision
but please guys, keep up with your black and white cookie cutter outlines of existence
force your opinions on others
do so excessively
I think it's a good gesture to give a heads up that you plan to propose. Yes it seems old fashioned, but I don't think it's about needing approval, just a nice thing to do.
I guess I don't see any downside other than what can be an awkward conversation - or if the parents blow the secret to your bride to be before you actually propose.
There is no harm in doing so. That said, my in-laws only heard about our engagement a few days later and about our wedding (eloped) about a month after it had happened. No hard feelings, we have a fantastic relationship.
Wishing you the best!
I asked for approval. Then I gave him four cows.
handlee wrote:
yeah, what a terrible idea. showing some respect to the father and mother of the woman you want to marry. They only created and raised her, after all. what the hell do they care about her committing herself to another for life? just send them an email update when the deal is done. after you tell your 476 facebook friends that is.
Most people here are not questioning whether or not it is a good idea to show respect to the mother and father of the woman you want to marry. The question is whether or not asking for the father's approval constitutes showing respect.
While I agree with those who say that it is a situational thing, I am not inclined to think that it is showing respect to the parents to treat their daughter as property to be given away.
In 1989 I asked for his approval. It was a good thing to do on a variety of fronts, not the least because my wife is very close to her parents.
I would like to have the kind of relationship with my daughter's suitor that would include him running the idea by me before asking her to marry him. I have lived for a while and have experienced more of life than he has--pretty much no matter who he is (I hope). I might be able to offer a worthy persepctive.
quite true wrote:
The Truth Speaks Louder wrote:[quote] Truthfully, the proposal itself is just an antiquated custom. The whole thing is a play of tradition.
So is marriage itself.
So you're saying that an intact family structure isn't the foundation of our society? Please tell me the benfits of your wonderful cultural revolution.
I'm sure that you like to think of your lack of standards as liberation from some old guard. The problem is that those standards exist (and existed) for many practical reasons. Your goal may have been for a hot girl to walk by you in a miniskirt, but the reality of what you've done is made it acceptable obese people to wear stretch pants in public.
p.s. You ARE the establishment.
Law Of Unintended Consequences wrote:
So you're saying that an intact family structure isn't the foundation of our society? Please tell me the benfits of your wonderful cultural revolution.
I'm sure that you like to think of your lack of standards as liberation from some old guard. The problem is that those standards exist (and existed) for many practical reasons. Your goal may have been for a hot girl to walk by you in a miniskirt, but the reality of what you've done is made it acceptable obese people to wear stretch pants in public.
p.s. You ARE the establishment.
Can two people not settle down together and form a family without being married? It seems that going through a ceremony and filing for a certification from the government doesn't really change your ability to live together and raise kids. If your parents had not been married, could they not have done all of the same things that they did?
You might say that the commitment that comes with marriage forces families to stay together, but with the divorce and separation rates that exist today, this isn't a valid argument. Marriage brings no commitment unless you decide that it does. You can just as easily commit to live together and raise a family without being married. Unless, of course, you think that God will smite you if you for being together without being married. In that case, you have a whole other issue.
aaaand the truth
shall
set
you
free
The single most consistent factor in the lives of my high school freshmen who fail my class or who struggle academically: dysfunctional or broken families. It's not race, gender, nor economic status. It's whether their families are intact.
bummer wrote:
I asked, he said yes, she said no.
This made me laugh... a possibility I hadn't considered. I asked me wife to be first, she said yes, and then we told her parents together. I believe this is the most common method these days.
Johnny Rotten wrote:
The single most consistent factor in the lives of my high school freshmen who fail my class or who struggle academically: dysfunctional or broken families. It's not race, gender, nor economic status. It's whether their families are intact.
Right, but is this directly related to marriage? A family does not have to be dysfunctional simply because the parents didn't walk down the isle of a church on some random day years ago. A family isn't necessarily functional because the parents did. Are some of your kids from dysfunctional families kids of parents who are married or were married at some point?
I am not saying that families should not stay together or be functional. I'm simply saying that marriage doesn't have to have an impact on two people's ability to stay together.
I only say get approval with a close family that it would have meaning to her. You may or may not get a favorable response. I asked my now deceased father-in-law to marry his daughter; He said, "I cannot do anything to stop you." That was the sign to run but now I am middle of this nightmare! What an arrogant and self centered family!
I did. I didn't really need to but it is a sign of respect for the father and her family. Good luck with everything. Working out for me so far.
-Nacht
The old-fashioned part of it is just asking the dad. Ask both parents, but not for their permission, but rather their blessing. And ask in person if at all possible. I had to wait until the night before proposing, but it was the right thing to do.
I have no doubt this has resulted in much better Christmas presents from them than I would have otherwise gotten.
What is she property? Does he own her? What if he says No? This practice is an arcane throwback to an age we should all move on from. People die everyday in Afghanistan to give them the right not to have to follow horrible practices like this.