And shouting Brace Yourself Bridgette is foreplay?
neverever wrote:
I wouldn't marry a woman who didn't take my last name. I've never heard of a non-celebrity that didn't take the man's name. I'm the man, she takes my name, and thats that.
And shouting Brace Yourself Bridgette is foreplay?
neverever wrote:
I wouldn't marry a woman who didn't take my last name. I've never heard of a non-celebrity that didn't take the man's name. I'm the man, she takes my name, and thats that.
true american wrote:
yes. If I didn't constantly reassure myself, my ego would deflate and my argument would be proven false...
in short...I am a poor loser that resorts to petty tactics on an anonymous message board because my ego is so small that its practically nonexistant.
I am a shame on women everywhere, I gorge myself with food in the bathroom then throw it everywhere when I'm done, and I'm afraid my bf will leave me for a prettier woman. The only reason I've gotten somewhere in life is impressing men who make decisions.
But don't be fooled, this is why my children should have my name instead of my husbands. Women are powerful, women are strong. Women can throw up all the food they eat in the bathroom.
Obviously somebody else took my name (which, in response to the other poster who said they didn't like it, I agree; it was started rather sarcastically on another thread and I just haven't changed it) and they registered it.
I think it's the Thomas Gregory guy.
And in repsonse to lumpen prole, no, what??? is not me. I haven't sunk that far.
And, to the other "true american" (Thomas Gregory) who was sarcastically writing in my voice (above), please re-read the thread. I actually said I will be taking the name of my husband, and my children will have that name too. I'm simply defending women's rights not to.
I could repeat myself since it appears not many people here have actually read the posts, but I think I've articulated my position pretty clearly.
Why not both take the same new name? Both are equally changed.
Jen wrote:
I kept my last name, though it's certainly not for everyone, nor do I necessarily advocate it as such. For me, it came down to any number of things, but primarily, I like my name--it was the name I was born with, the name I've lived with my entire life, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Would any of you be willing to change your name in marriage? If it's a question of what to name the children, why not take your wife's name, and name the children that?
Wow, is this my wife? You sound just like her and have the same name.
girlie girlie girl wrote:
Good question. I understand that's it's old school, but so is the institution of marriage. In some European countries, traditional marriages are being replaced by partnerships and other arrangements. I wish that could happen here.
European civilization is destroying itself, why would you want that to happen here? "Elegant decay" is I think one of the best terms I've heard to describe the current state of Europe.
Get rid of the Liberals! The world would be a better place without LIBERALS!
Signed,
No One's Perfect
Grows a great beard wrote:
It's 2009...should a woman still take her husband's last name when they become married? Will you (or did you?)
What do people think of this issue? Is the taking of a husband's name antiquated?
I insisted when i got married to my wife she not take my name. Women are not property they are equals in our society. Plus changing all the documents is a huge pain in the ass. Also since more than 50 percent of marriages end in divorce then she is stuck changing it back or being stuck with her X's last name.
So you are thinking that there is a 50% chance your marriage will end in divorce? Way to have confidence in your marriage. It's not about women being property or being owned by the huband or the father or whatever, Maybe that was the purpose at one time, but it no longer is, at least not in the US. It is about conventions of society that everyone understands. If those societal norms stated that men changed thier names when they got married I would've done that (My wife changed her name BTW). I also think it is important for member's of a family to have the same last name, especally a family with children.
captainwildcat wrote:
So you are thinking that there is a 50% chance your marriage will end in divorce? Way to have confidence in your marriage. It's not about women being property or being owned by the huband or the father or whatever, Maybe that was the purpose at one time, but it no longer is, at least not in the US. It is about conventions of society that everyone understands. If those societal norms stated that men changed thier names when they got married I would've done that (My wife changed her name BTW). I also think it is important for member's of a family to have the same last name, especally a family with children.
Slavery was also once a societal convention should we have kept that one? By the way that's really big of YOU to have confidence in your marriage by forcing your wife to go through a lot of ass pain. You don't have to do anything.
Jen wrote:
I kept my last name, though it's certainly not for everyone, nor do I necessarily advocate it as such. For me, it came down to any number of things, but primarily, I like my name--it was the name I was born with, the name I've lived with my entire life, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Would any of you be willing to change your name in marriage? If it's a question of what to name the children, why not take your wife's name, and name the children that?
when my GF and i marry, she plans to keep her last name. i want her to do this. why? 1) its her name, and it always has been. i wouldn't want to change my name, nor do i expect her to change hers simply because we're married. 2) she's an only child. we both want to see her family name carry on.
the kids would have hyphenated names. i want their heritage from both families to be expressed in their names.
YES it would.
dude have some balls. whether it is straight or gay marriage, every family requires someone to have balls.
What are you upset about True American?
Thomas Gregory...the 'man' took your name. Isn't that what you wanted?
I thought that was the whole point of this thread. Oh well, I was just trying to be witty, apparently you're not amused.
I think its funny though.
true american wrote:
What are you upset about True American?
Thomas Gregory...the 'man' took your name. Isn't that what you wanted?
I thought that was the whole point of this thread. Oh well, I was just trying to be witty, apparently you're not amused.
I think its funny though.
Not sure why you think I'm upset. A few people have mentioned me being upset or offending, and I'm not sure why. I'm not at all...
I think it is rather funny too. For me this is just an interesting cultural phenomenon that seems like one of the few lingering "male-domination" cultural norms in a society that's running the direction of gender equity and it's just interesting why this one didn't go the way of "men make the money, women raise the kids." I'm approaching it from an anthropological curiosity point while others think there's a "right" and "wrong" here. I've never made any assertion of the sort and thus I think it's funny when some people seem to think I'm either some raging feminist or upset mustached ugly duckling.
You get confused easily then. I am a teacher. None of the Asian kids' moms have the same name as their kid since that's the way they do it in their countries. Sometimes I ask the kid what their mother's name is so I know. Wow, really hard to figure out. Whenever I look at a race results I always look at the women's results and wonder who I know from back in the day but don't realize it because their names have changed.
Get Ready wrote:
frozen north wrote:I didn't change my name. I would if I felt like it, but as another poster said, I really like my name. Unlike other posters, I think CHANGING your name is really confusing. You lose track of people more easily when they change their names.
For kids, they can take their dad's name. No confusion, no problem.
I think it is fine for people to keep the name they were born with. I am male and changed my name when I was 21 because my dad had left when I was 9 and our family didn't have much to do with him anymore. I realized that the boys would pass on his name and the girls would not. My mother (who hated my dad) would have grandchildren with the dreaded name and some with random names. Seemed irrational. Once I changed my name to my mother's maiden name I do admit feeling some loss of sense of self, like women who get married do. I was used to that name, it sounded OK, and I had "been" that name for 21 years. I don't regret it overall though, and think it was the right thing.
In response to the above: still confusion, still problem. I go to the park one day. See a friend, she intros me to a Mary Pletcher who has a 7-yr old boy with her named Henry McCormick. She doesn't say that it IS her son and she has no wedding ring. I guess that she is the nanny, or that she is a BIG SISTER (wait they don't have those for boys), so that might be her son, and she didn't take her husband's name, or maybe she is Henry's aunt? this all comes and goes in 1 second and then it is gone.
A few weeks later said child is at park with a Dan McCormick and Mary Pletcher, who intros himself as Henry's dad. Someone asks where Mary and Dan live. they respond with different addresses. Slightly embarassed, person says "Oh, I didn't know you were not married any longer." Mary responds that they were "never married" and "why do people assume they were married at some time?"
The odd couple gets huffy, the asker is red-faced and I am laughing at how dumb it is.
You see, these two made a child and to the uninitiated, nobody can tell that this is her child. She didn't even get married to screw this up further.
I have run into many people in my life who don't have the same names as their kids and all it does is cause confusion. YES, it does allow their mother to keep that name that they so needed to keep ... but to say that it doesn't cause confusion is just being in denial.
Anytime the kids have people meet their parents, it IS confusing if the mother's name IS NOT the same as their's like the other 95% of America.
The only people I knew growing up who DID NOT have their Dad's name were kids who had a stepdad. Nothing wrong with that, but that is what you are setting your kids up for if won't take your husband's name.
If your husband has a terrible name (seen recently -- Assmann, Boldhead, Klunzinger, there are worse), then I think it makes GREAT SENSE to keep your name or even have the husband take YOUR NAME. If I had a terrible last name I would have pre-emptively changed it the day that it was legal to any more palatable version.
This is not an issue of chauvinism or outdated male domination, this is an issue of practicality and not making life hard (harder?) for your kids.
Women who take a hyphenated name are just dumb. Be strong enough to just (selfishly) keep your name if you hate the other name so much, or just knuckle under and take the "new one". Hyphenating AGAIN is just not practical. I have a friend who married and they BOTH took the hyphenated name. It is ...
John and Sarah Chartier-Mittendorf.
What was wrong with Chartier? What was wrong with Mittendorf? Either one would have been fine. When you make reservations or an appointment of any kind, when you sign your name on a CC slip, it just IS NOT PRACTICAL to have that long a name. People in America are too stupid to know how to spell either name without spelling it for them (Letsrun has proven that to me) and so it takes four minutes every time you need to spell it out.
Thankfully these misguided people did not have kids.
Thomas Gregory Smith-Jackson wrote:
Off the Grid wrote:Chinese people do not change names when they get married. The child takes the father's name.
You should ask yourself, "What purpose does it serve?"
Are you an idiot? women regularly take their husbands names in China and almost every culture in the world.
No, they do not.
Ma Chao Hau (man) marries Lu Hui Zi
She becomes known as "Ma taitai" - "Mrs. Ma", but does NOT change her name to Ma Hui Zi. the children take the father's surname.
Unless in +16yrs of living in greater China, I have missed something, this is the way it has worked for 5000yrs.
I think it should be a choice between both parties. Personally, if I ever get married I would have no problem changing my last name to my wife's. I'm not particularly attached to it, and I have never liked the sound of other people's names combined with my surname.
Heck, I would change my first name when it comes down to it. It's just a name. I don't consider it a part of me.
I wouldn't marry a woman who wouldn't change her name to Pocahontas.
If the woman wants to keep her name or have me take hers she better buy my meals, pay for our dates, open my door, ask me out, and suprise me with gifts to show she cares. Otherwise these neo-feminists need to shut the hell up and crawl back under their self appointed pulpits. What is so wrong with culture? It's our history. It's a name, it changes, you'll survive!
BTW You get way more fun parts than we do how is that fair?
I suggested that my fiancee not take my last name when we get married. I like her the way she is and to me it would feel weird for her to have my last name (almost incestuous).
Surnames for European people have only been around for 1,000 years. It's not that long if you think about it. If you have English heritage, your family in the 1500s might not have even had a surname or it wasn't a surname that was passed on to children.