Borderline Personality Disorder- do you have it or know anyone with it?

I wouldn't knowingly date someone with BPD, NPD or HPD. Not even for guaranteed sex. If you meet an apparently attractive and seductive woman who is inexplicably single, these are the conditions you need to watch out for.

Read the book: Stop Walking on Eggshells.

guy 22222 wrote:

nyrun wrote:

Borderlines don't think there is anything wrong with them - everything is everyone else's fault. That's why it's basically impossible to treat.

How ironic! I think this explains why nobody here has it, but they all know *other people* who have it. Classic.

Three posters prior to your post admitted that they had BPD. That is a fairly high ratio. It is certainly not "nobody".

Most Borderlines also suffer from another personality disorder of some kind. If you understand the diagnosis and the history of the illness, then you would see why it has to be that way.

I was married to a Borderline. We have an eight year old son. She has sole custody. Pure evil is a pretty good description although I never really blamed her as I understand the root of her illness. This is not an illness that just suddenly shows up. These people are made this way not born this way. You should run like hell if you can. They have made great strides in therapy but as was stated, it is difficult to get the Borderline in therapy. I guess I know pretty much everything there is to know about a Borderline. If there is a specific thing you want to know, post your question. As to living with a BPD, it is living in fear. You never know when they will go off or what will set them off. They train you. You don't have a life. Everything you do becomes mindful of how they will react or their potential reaction. (Hence, the title of the book mentioned earlier, Walking on Eggshells.) It's like that.

beepeedee wrote:

How is living with BPD, or being close to someone who has it? What are your thoughts and experiences?

And they literally suck the energy out of you. You can feel yourself getting weaker and weaker as they get stronger and stronger. Maybe that's why I can't stand those vampire movies. Living with one of these monsters is just like that.

That's a great analogy. Here's another. I always felt like I was living in a cage with a wild animal. I was in one corner of the cage and the animal was in the other. I had to sleep with one eye open. I couldn't turn away even for a second or the animal could be on me. I had to move very carefully as to not startle the animal for she could pounce on me at any time.

ray wrote:

And they literally suck the energy out of you. You can feel yourself getting weaker and weaker as they get stronger and stronger. Maybe that's why I can't stand those vampire movies. Living with one of these monsters is just like that.

Hopefully I am not prying too deeply, but how was she awarded sole custody of your son? Was she just able to shroud over the evil before the court?

Dated one too in 06 - 08. Started amazing, then became the worst period of my life. Run away with your life! It will save you a world of heartache.

lade da wrote:

Dated one too in 06 - 08. Started amazing, then became the worst period of my life. Run away with your life! It will save you a world of heartache.

This is what happened to me. You are effectively groomed and told you're the most amazing person in the world, then you're controlled. The moment you push back and demonstrate you can't be 100% controlled, that's it - the insanity begins and after that, nothing you do is good enough. Prepare for a life of abject misery should you chose to date a BPD.

Bad Wigins wrote:

There is no such thing as BPD. It is just another fancy nonsense term for people who aren't nice or do things that don't make sense to other people.

Psychologists make up all these imaginary illnesses to get you to sit in a circle and whine about them. Eventually you are all too willing to waste time and money on "therapy" sessions and mind-altering prescription drugs, or pressure your offensive loved ones into doing the same. Then you become dependent on these things for the rest of your life.

You can't expect to understand everybody, and there's no use inventing a "disorder" to explain when you can't. If you can't live with them, leave them.

Spoken like an arrogant assh*le who has never had an afflicted person in their lives. Trust me, there's no illness more real than this one. And few more serious or harder to cure.

Is there any hope?

I suspect there is, but it's really hard for me to maintain hope for my sister. It's also hard for me to give up all hope. So it has been for 20 years.

In my opinion, a socially maladjusted person is just that- socially maladjusted. I'm not sure I believe in such psychological diagnoses/definitions aka BPD; however, it is best not to enter into relationships with people who are imbalanced. Not that I don't feel great empathy toward people with emotional and psychological problems. Always help a person in need- but keep a healthy distance.

webby wrote:

I suspect there is, but it's really hard for me to maintain hope for my sister. It's also hard for me to give up all hope. So it has been for 20 years.

As has been mentioned before, the biggest difficulty lies in getting them into some form of therapy. They have to come to terms with their illness for a significantly uninterrupted length of time, which is tough due to the nature of BPD itself. You can tell them what they are doing over and over, but it means nothing until they tell themselves, and more importantly, see a reason to change.

Purchase the book The Buddha & the Borderline, by Kiera Van Gelder. The unique thing about it is that it's an articulate funny, and personal book written by someone with BPD herself, who has found a way to successfully deal with it. It's also a great eye-opener for those who don't have BPD, but love, or loved, someone who does.

The primary tool she used was dialectical behaviour therapy, which is partially derived from Buddhist meditation (it sounds a bit weird, but it's been demonstrated to be quite successful).

Again, the primary goal is to have the BDP sufferer to voluntarily want to treat their illness. This book can help, as it's designed to make the reader identify in a non-judgemental, humorous manner, with an understanding that life can be much better. Just buy it and hand it to them. Find a reason to give it to them without insulting them.

Bad Wigins wrote:

There is no such thing as BPD. It is just another fancy nonsense term for people who aren't nice or do things that don't make sense to other people.

Psychologists make up all these imaginary illnesses to get you to sit in a circle and whine about them. Eventually you are all too willing to waste time and money on "therapy" sessions and mind-altering prescription drugs, or pressure your offensive loved ones into doing the same. Then you become dependent on these things for the rest of your life.

You can't expect to understand everybody, and there's no use inventing a "disorder" to explain when you can

't. If you can't live with them, leave them.

The social construction of reality by people in power is the reason for the dsm. Never let others define reality for you. Always be true to yourself, listen to your heart, defy all labels and mental diagnosis. The mental health industry benefits the constructors of "reality" according to the dsm. Believe what they have labeled and your life boils down to supporting the drug companies, mental hospitals, and mh specialists. There is no normal unless there are those labeled abnormal. Dont buy into it.

BPDs can certainly choose to not buy I to the label (most do, in fact), but the likely result is a very sad and lonely life. It's not about the drug companies. It is about the fact that everyone you love will eventually leave you once they've had enough emotional and/or physical abuse. So, sure, follow your heart, but know that it just might lead to death at your own hand in an empty home where your family once lived with you.

Can they learn to control their emotions, or learn to have stable, "normal" relationships? Are they doomed to being alone with everyone keeping them at arm's distance?

I don't know. A BPD has to want to get help. Often he/she keeps people who want to help an arms distance away. Those people are limited in how much they can help.

In reply to the question is there hope, I think the answer is it depends.

As far as I know there aren't any medications that can help with BPD itself.

As far as my friend goes, I know she feels hopeless.

However, as an outsider, I can see that her quality of life has improved.

She desperately wants to change so this might be one key factor. She also knew that a lot of the stuff she was feeling was unhealthy and the way she was living was unhealthy.

She has psychotherapy. Personally I'm not sure if this can help, but she thinks it's worth a try. She tried other things and they didn't make a difference.

This is what I (as an outsider) think helps her:

getting regular sleep

work

eating properly/staying hydrated

not drinking alcohol

spending time with her pet

She tried DBT. she likes 'mindfulness' and yoga.

I'd say our relationship is 'normal'. I know she struggles. She doesn't take it out on me. I'm a friend, but I'm not like a carer or anything. In some ways it's better than some of my other friendships, it's more open.

Sometimes I don't know what to say to her.

That's mainly when she says things like she sees no hope for the future and being 40 and like this and so on. I can see her point. But I hope that how she feels about herself changes.

I think the name for the condition is weird and outdated. Borderline, as far as I know, was the middle ground between psychosis and neurosis.

Having said this I suspect my friend has a type of BPD that she turns in on herself and also hides from other people. So it's not like she's going around being a bitch to other people/.