Be honest: do you regret having children?

I see the mods have taken the axe to this thread. Lots of posts gone.

No doubt that having YOUNG kids is a VERY time-consuming activity. Glad to hear the medical issues your son went through are now past.Any new parent or someone wondering what it will be like being a parent, needs to know how all consuming it is initially.While worrying about your kids never goes away, the all-encompassing nature of it does. My kids are now 16 and just about to turn 13, and since I've seen them problem solve pretty well, I worry about them less than I did when they were younger...the worries are different though.As they get more independent, you do feel some of your own life coming back.

If I had kids, I would not use my own genes. What are the odds that my genes are the best? No, I would get the best genes available.

But I do not plan to have kids. I plan on living over 100 years and outliving even some of my friends' kids. :) Maybe with some future technology I can live 150 years. Who knows?

I am better than your kids.

http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/

Does your wife know you post on here? If she sees this, you got a problem. I have a wife and a kid on the way and I'm terrified of both of em. Kidding, it's all awesome!

Jimmy James wrote:

At times I've had second thoughts about almost all of major choices I've made in my life; the college I went to, the jobs I've worked at, and even, at times, the woman I took as my wife. That said, I have never ever, not even for a millisecond regretted having any of my 3 kids.

It's a difficult question because I love all my children and take my responsibility to be good dad very seriously. When my marriage failed, I insisted on 50/50 custody so I'm basically a single dad two weeks a month. I refused to be an every other weekend dad.

I guess what I regret is having four children without considering the financial and emotional costs and the effects on a marriage of trying to provide for them financially and emotionally. My ex and I were college educated and figured we'd have no trouble having a good lifestyle. Then we had the brilliant idea of having her be a stay at home mom for 15 years.

Also, I had my first one at 27 and my last one at 37. I'm 48 and still have an 11-year old at home. I'll be nearly 60 before she's out of college. I wouldn't take all the money in the world for my baby daughter, but I'd really love to be done raising kids.

Well said. I have two daughters in high school and the happiness they bring into my life constantly amazes me. I have always enjoyed my life, but for pure happiness it is hard to beat seeing your kids grow into people you admire.

kahl wrote:

?

Yes but, only you, son.

I regret having children work in my factories for so many years.

If some show up, I'm pretty sure I'll regret it.

My wife and I just had our first child. He's 9mos old now and I'd say that being a father is way more awesome than I had imagined. Granted, we waited a while before starting a family, paid off nearly all our debt, and saved up for daycare costs. It also helps that the kid is healthy and doesn't cry all hours of the day. I used to spend time at work thinking of where I'd go running when I got home, now I think about my smiley kid and getting home to play with him.

Rodent, what mental disorder are you struggling with if you don't mind saying?

I'm sorry that things haven't improved for you. I hope that things do change for you.

gasser wrote:

My wife and I just had our first child. He's 9mos old now and I'd say that being a father is way more awesome than I had imagined. Granted, we waited a while before starting a family, paid off nearly all our debt, and saved up for daycare costs. It also helps that the kid is healthy and doesn't cry all hours of the day. I used to spend time at work thinking of where I'd go running when I got home, now I think about my smiley kid and getting home to play with him.

What I observe...older parents -> calmer parenting.

Say what you'd like about risks, being in your 50s etc when they go to college. Men in particular are more centred. It might not make sense biologically, but it makes sense in the world we live in now.

LaVeyan wrote:

You have to look at them as a long term investment. Having children boosts your social standing and can also make you more attractive to employers. They cost a fortune but the idea is that the cost will be recouped by making them pay for retirement care etc.

Really, having kids makes you more attractive to employers??

People with kids are gone way more than the no kid folks in my office. You think that makes people with kids more attractive to hire?

stompy wrote:

I don't understand that one, either. At my workplace, we have several single guys and some married people. The single guys practically live at the office - nights, weekends, holidays. The parents in the office never stay extra and are constantly taking off for their kids' sicknesses, doctor's visits and graduations.

^^ Ditto. I'd say it has held back a lot of guys right after a baby is born. A woman giving birth is held back even more. I see the single people staying at the office longer, working hard.

Not saying that that's necessarily more fulfilling in life, just observation.

AkwardTurtle,

I hear what you are saying and I think when you say, "I can't say that I would automatically do it again if I went back in time." I think this is normal. When both of my boys had colic for 6 weeks straight and they would basically cry and be unconsolable from 6PM till about 9:30, I would probably have said the same thing. It was very stressful and my wife and I fought a lot during that time. I imagine the health issues your son had would make it way harder.

The thing is you won't think that way anymore in a few years. You havn't started to get the payoff yet. I think men with small kids don't have the same connection that their wives do at that early age. Wait until they are older and you are able to start doing stuff with them. Teaching them to ride a bike. Throwing a baseball, going camping and on hikes. That is the payoff and I guarantee you won't even think twice about your desicion when that time comes.

It's surprising how many people bring money into this discussion. There is nothing for sale that can give a person the same joy that their children can.

It's also surprising how many people seem to think you cannot be successful in your job and be a good parent, or pursue excellence and be a good parent. Of course you can... it is a matter of priorities.

hamster wrote:

Rodent, what mental disorder are you struggling with if you don't mind saying?

I'm sorry that things haven't improved for you. I hope that things do change for you.

I assume you're serious and not just trolling, so I'll answer you. If you are trolling, you got me so good for you.

Mental disorders are often co-morbid. My driving one is depression, along with obsessive compulsive personality disorder (not the same as OCD, but does share some traits). I was severely bulimic for about 6 years (yeah, I'm male and not gay, weird). Last year, I injured my knee so badly that I can no longer run (I can't even walk without crutches right now - hope that changes someday). That has absolutely fuled my depression.

My dad shared some of my traits (minus the eating disorder, add alcoholism). Needless to say, I wouldn't wish my mental or physical condition on anyone, and I'm not risking passing it on to any future generations. My problems will die when I do.

My daughter is 4 months now. My wife and I are both 33. I do not regret having her, but I will say that it is stressful from both a time and financial perspective. Once you become a parent, your time is not your own. We both knew that going in, so we are ok with it. Even a "low-maintenance" baby like ours is constant work.

I have no idea how teenagers or even younger twenties types would handle all the stresses of parenting. I know I was in no way prepared for the amount of selflessness required to be a good parent at that point.

If you are unsure at all about your relationship, do not have kids. They will not make it better. Children are a magnifying glass. Whatever you and your partner have, good or bad, kids will multiply it several times over. i.e. if you have mistrust and resentment in your relationship, it will only get worse.

Having kids is just one the joys of life. Anyone lucky enough to experience it knows just how amazing it is to have made, and raise another human being.

Running is narcissistic in nature, so asking someone on here if they regret having kids will elicit many responses of regret.

Unless you run professionally to make a living, it doesn't compare to the joy of raising a child.