Dating a binge drinker

I need to see some pics to tell you if it's worth it.

silly old fossil wrote:

We divorced and it was a nightmare. (QUOTE)

How exactly?

After taking care of the binge drinking wife for years I am left with major money problems and raising 3 children. She drifts in and out of their lives, legal bills mount, visitation issues....all the typical post divorce issues.

Her drinking was a huge red flag that I overlooked in choosing my wife. I am only sharing my experience and I learned a very painful, expensive lession. Stay away from women like this!

Start bringing your friends around to do her when she's drunk. After a few months of that, the relationship will be over, you'll have some great friendships, and you'll have some great memories.

Off the Grid wrote:

As somebody who was a binge drinker (there is another name for it BTW), you are getting into a load of probelms. You will not save her.

She is angry, which indicates she is unhappy. Until she tries to figure out why she is unhappy, this will persist.

Stopping drinking wont help her figure this out, but it will stop her from killing herself. Thats one of the things that sucks about stopping drinking - your problems do not magically disappear. that is why people "fall off".

You cannot save her. Do not even try.

______________________________________________________

So in short, there is no hope. fu*k her brains out when she's drunk. bang the $hit out of her. leave her on a park bench when you are done.

True love will come along someday, and you will look back at this relationship and laugh, laugh laugh.

I am fresh out of a 1 year relationship that was much the same. It took me a long time to realize how deep her problems went, I'm sure she is beautiful and fun (mine was) but if she's in her early 30's and struggling with substance abuse then she's deeply troubled. She has made her decision not to get help with what is clearly a problem, that's her choice and she's an adult (albeit one acting like a child). You deserve better and you're not helping her by sticking around. You need to ask yourself why you're letting someone treat you this way.

Again, you cannot change her, only she can change herself, and she has made her decision.

walk away wrote:I'm sure she is beautiful and fun (mine was) but if she's in her early 30's and struggling with substance abuse then she's deeply troubled. She has made her decision not to get help with what is clearly a problem, that's her choice and she's an adult (albeit one acting like a child). You deserve better and you're not helping her by sticking around. You need to ask yourself why you're letting someone treat you this way.

Again, you cannot change her, only she can change herself, and she has made her decision.

Exactly.

You gotta be nuts, Dude. I married an abusive woman. Right now I'm about a year into what will be a fifteen year divorce. She has more mental illnesses than you can shake a stick at. Love doesn't conquer all, Dude. You probably won't be able to fix her. Don't even think about doing it. I've got a three year old boy too. I spend about a thousand dollars a week just on the divorce and there is no end in site. The divorce actually feeds her mental illnesses. She likes it.

You can't "fix" other people. They have to "see" the problem and want to fix it themselves (and then go seek help).

So if you like being a punching bag then that says more about you than her. First she will say abusive things when she is drunk. Later she will say them drunk or sober.

I had a girl friend like this years ago. She would get going drunk or not. I finally did something I have done before or since. I slapped her. That's when I realized I had the problem, not her. My problem was not walking away.

That was the end of us.

You have got to approach her with this:

You booze, you lose.

This drunk is like a skunk, she'll leave you with a foul odor unless you get the hell away.

This one has got more issues than the NY Times. Chetcrest, outtttt!

Man, I'm in this exact position myself. Somewhat dating a gorgeous 31 year old woman who drinks worse then I do, which is quite a feat. We've been somewhat dating for the past 7-8 months. I like a lot of things about this woman, and we get a long great, especially when we're drinking. She's easily the best looking woman I've ever been with or ever will be with for that matter. Although, I enjoy spending time with this woman, and if I had to, I'd say I do love her. But the drinking, and the other problems associated with that life style are a huge red flag and I'm smart enough to know that there is no way we could have a serious future together. She's not going to change until she decides she's ready for change. The best thing you can do is support her when she's making positive lifestyle decisions and turn a blind eye to when she doesn't (because she'll give you crap if you don't, and your probably not in a position where she'll really listen anyways). If she's not going to change, do what I'm doing, enjoy the ride until the inevitable train wreck.

hahahahahahahahah.

that was my first response after reading this thread.

hahahahahahahahahahahah.

that was my second response realizing that i'm not the only fool to have had this happen to him.

story time:

3 years of drinking. 3 years of blacking out, coming home at 4or5am, not coming home, fighting when drunk and not remembering what was fought about the next day, crazy exorcist sex, abuse, abuse, abuse...

i effing showered in it. why? probably because i loved sex too much to pass up some prime time aunt jemima. and because i was too much of a poon to realize that caring for someone wasn't worth not caring for yourself.

did i think she would come around? yes. did she? no. after all, 'girls just want to have fun.' cyndi lauper has a 3 minute song about it.

hilarious that so many people can relate.

after a while though, you start to get creative with it. sure in the beginning i played the role of the good boyfriend: changing her, staying up all night, having water in hand... but after a while you just have to go for it. maybe hide her camera or phone and tell her she lost it. maybe take the pictures off her walls and scatter them all over her floor. maybe let her sleep on the floor naked and pretend that she came home like that...

don't rape her though. seriously. rape isn't cool.

if in the end you choose to be with this girl, realize that change is borderline impossible, and amuse yourself when opportunities arise as much as you can to maintain sanity.

otherwise suck it up and tear the bandaid off. one swoop. don't be an effing nancy boy. learn from your fellow man.

my ex is still up to her old habits. hooray. i could care less now, except to laugh at how stupid i was.

dear girls of letsrun (if there are any of you out there),

don't drink. for your sake and ours. i'm just saying... YOU GET F***ING RETARDED AND NO GUY LIKES THAT! (except the raping ones. and rape is not cool.)

Start banging her friends.

Whether it be drinking or any other issue, you have to ask yourself if you can live with her the way she is for the rest of her life. You can't gamble on the chance that she'll change.

ciwpp wrote:

I think it can get better, but I'm not sure.

You have already answered your own question. "I think" and "not sure" aren't good enough to marry.

this is my first question, how often does she drink? have you caught her ever sneaking a drinki mean if she is going out and likes to get hammered with the girls once a month then i wouldn't think it is a big deal (although that gets rarer and rarer as you get into your 30s)if this is happening every single friday and saturday night then she really has an issuelike many, i drank my face off in college... i had a blast, but that behavior typically fades a year or two after graduation... at least it did for me and my friends

xylophone wrote:

Did the OP ever say how frequently this occurs? If it's intefering with her professional life? It's clearly starting to intefere with her personal life as the OP is affected. Be a man and tell her. She may think you're both having fun together.

If someone wants to drink now and then, and they don't have a family/children to support, and they don't get behind a wheel, that's not the worst thing in the world.

There is no question that this woman is an alcoholic. The OP is the target of her abuse when she is drinking, so even if she doesn't get behind the wheel of a car, she is doing plenty of damage. The OP knows this.

The real problem, in my opinion, is that he is in love with her, has considered marrying her and it's going to tear him apart to walk away from her.

I was in a similar situation with a guy a few years back. Intellectually I knew the substance abuse was a problem, but was already in too deep emotionally before I realized how messed up he was. I thought I could help him, but nearly lost my mind in the process. He would have destroyed me if I had let him.

OP, show some compassion when you tell her you are done, and then don't look back. You sound like a very decent guy who deserves better.

"i loved sex too much to pass up some prime time aunt jemima"

I have never heard the term "aunt jemima" used to describe anything other then older black women, or syrup. I may have to borrow this.

Probably the correct way to look at it is you're 0-8...you've been in 8 "serious" relationships only to have to get rid of them down the road...you're not too good at picking them are you?...you should be able to weed them out pretty quickly before you get serious if you have a decent head on your shoulders...get some foresight buddy...Next..._____________________________

Troll 45 wrote:

I did not marry her wrote:

I don't like being the dumper...being the dumpee is easier.

Yea, I'm 8-0 now in serious relationships. I'm hoping to get dumped sometime, maybe next time.

I disagree that her frequency in drinking matters that much. Her drinking is causing problems for people in her life. BIG problems, and so her drinking IS a problem regardless of the amount. Sure, I've had a few too many in my time, but I've never been abusive while drinking.

I agree that many while many people drink excessively in their 20s it doesn't mean that this kind of drinking will continue later in life. If the OP and his girl are in their 20s maybe they shouldn't be thinking about marriage anyway.

People can change and do change. Like everyone has said, though, you can't force it and you certainly can't count on it.

[quote]anEconomist wrote:

this is my first question, how often does she drink? have you caught her ever sneaking a drink

i mean if she is going out and likes to get hammered with the girls once a month then i wouldn't think it is a big deal (although that gets rarer and rarer as you get into your 30s)

if this is happening every single friday and saturday night then she really has an issue

like many, i drank my face off in college... i had a blast, but that behavior typically fades a year or two after graduation... at least it did for me and my friends

[quote][

the frequency does matter because if she was doing this once a year i'm sure he could ignore it, but it sounds like it's very frequent.

alcohol can be ugly.