What about people here who have it themselves? Or suspect they might?
What about people here who have it themselves? Or suspect they might?
Mooj wrote:
Borderline personality disorder is a living hell for its victims; I should know, I was one.
I have cigarette burn scars from my mother's violent rages. 911 calls where she would threaten to beat me to death with a 2x4 because somebody stole something from her (that I had nothing to do with), and she was feeling personally upset and wanted to feel power over something, so decided to threaten to kill me for half an hour. Came at me with a knife when I enrolled in University, then claimed I was an abusive son because I picked up a chair to keep her the hell away from me.
Would break into my room and steal my things whenever she wanted. I used to come home and find marks on my step-father where she'd attacked him. When she was at her violent and most abusive, she'd tell me that if I reported her, nobody would believe me because she'd been "telling people about me for years" -- basically running a distortion campaign on me since I was six and started trying to run away from home, because sooner or later the neighbours would ask what I was running from (her physically battering my father in front of me and my sister), so she started claiming that I was an emotionally ungrateful child.
Would try to tell girlfriends that I was physically abusive to her so I could never have a relationship (didn't work, anybody outside of her enablers that she sucked up to compulsively saw her bouts of insanity), but still, it's psychotic to even try. Once, when I was 16, she threatened through email to kill an ex-girlfriend of mine to say it was me... unfortunately she tried to do it when I was at school, in class, with 30 other people, so I was immediately exonerated. It never clicked that it was her until years later when she kept insisting that I'd "confessed" to a crime I could (and did) prove I didn't commit (as an excuse to keep telling family members that I did it to assault my credibility and protect herself), when she finally did a 180 about-face and admitted, braggingly, that it was her, and it was the "only way to show people what I really was".
With other people, with the enablers she wanted to suck up to like family and friends, she was the sweetest, gentlest woman. When that door closed, it was Jekyll and Hyde time.
Borderlines are monsters, period. They have no empathy, no compassion, and no soul.
I truly feel sorry for the gentleman or lady in this thread who's in a relationship with a borderline and considers himself or herself "lucky" because of the narcotic high of idealization and/or the feeling of being the "strong hero" for standing by his or her partner. Unfortunately for them, the borderline is running a distortion campaign on them now, and it WILL all come crashing down, with brutal and bitter feelings of betrayal.
I was fortunate only in that growing up in that environment, and steadfastly refusing to give in to her attempts at brainwashing and abuse, I was smarter than her and learned early on how to protect myself. I am one of the rare few who has what is known as "earned relationship security" -- a kind of parallel to normal, healthy relationship security. Most victims of borderline personality disorder do not have that.
This is exactly what it was like, living with my ex wife. The woman was a monster who spent most of her time telling people how evil everyone else was, including me. One night, while correcting papers late, I looked up to notice her sitting on the stairs in the dark, staring at me. I asked if she was OK. She replied that she was just thinking how lucky she was to have me. She turned to go up to bed. Five minutes later she comes down and tells me that she was put on earth to rid the world of my evil.
Even after she left me alone and with 2 kids 4 and 7, she would still torment us. She would call the police and tell them the kids were being abused. I got remarried 2 years later and she claimed my wife was abusing the kids. She'd break into our house and steal things. Call my school and try to have me fired, etc. I feel really bad for not advising you to get help for anyone with this condition, but it is no good. Get out while you still can.
beepeedee wrote:
What about people here who have it themselves? Or suspect they might?
Borderlines don't think there is anything wrong with them - everything is everyone else's fault. That's why it's basically impossible to treat.
My mother is BPD - growing up was a living hell for my brothers and me (and my father), with her rages, delusions and belief that she was basically the center of the universe and her attempts to control our lives and live through us. All three of us kids are screwed up to one extent or another. I think my dad was glad to die fifteen years ago to get away from her.
The best thing I ever did was to cease contact with her four years ago - after she did something hurtful to my teenage son, basically to get back at me for an imagined transgression.
I should have cut her off a quarter century ago, at least.
beepeedee wrote:
How is living with BPD, or being close to someone who has it? What are your thoughts and experiences?
I used to work in the field of mental health, and I've worked with individuals diagnosed with BPD. It's an extremely destructive illness and can be frightening at times. It's hard to describe what BPD actually is, but one of the hallmark characteristics is the "Jekyll and Hyde" shift someone else already described. One minute they're telling you they love you and you're the best. Then next minute they're threatening to kill you because you're evil.
For example, I used to work in a group home and one of our residents had a BPD diagnosis. I remember one day he came up to me and my supervisor and said to my supervisor, "I like working with him. He's the best worker you've got here." A little while later I was sitting at a desk doing paper work and he walked in the door, sat down on the couch in front of me, and just stared at me with this very dark, threatening look in his eyes (I'll never forget it). I asked, "Hey, what's up?" To which he loudly responds, "You're nothing but an ass-kisser. I'm gonna put you in a body bag one of these days." But then the next day when I brought the incident up he seemed genuinely confused and insulted, saying he didn't mean it and I should just forget it. He was actually mad at me for even mentioning it. Then that same day he yelled at me for "sneaking into my room at night and having orgies and Satanic rituals while I sleep." Of course I denied this but he said he had video evidence that he would give to my supervisor. Strange job, that was.
[/quote]
Borderlines don't think there is anything wrong with them - everything is everyone else's fault. That's why it's basically impossible to treat.
[quote]
THIS.
My husband's ex wife is borderline. She is an emotional terrorist of the worst kind. She lies, manipulates, twists situations and is the most wretched person I have ever come across in life. But everything is always the fault of someone else.
My advice to anyone with a borderline in his/her life is to cut them out. Unfortunately my husband has 2 daughters with Crazy but the court order terminates in 2 years so contact with Crazy should drop to nil.
I'm really sorry for the experiences people have had and they sound horrific, but I can't help wonder if there was something else (psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder?) going on on top of BPD with those people.
One of my friends has BPD. She's a lovely person. She hates herself. I've known her for five years and never witnessed the truly horrible behaviour listed above.
Out of interest I just looked up the criteria for it and it seems like people need to have 3 of 6 criteria.
She feels empty, hopeless a lot and so on, but she's also one of the most kind, caring and truly empathetic people I've met. She wants to help people. She isn't some kind of evil monster.
Anyway, looking at the new DSM 5 criteria I don't know if she was diagnosed wrong or something because it just doesn't seem to be her.
This is useful.
From my understanding, Borderlines can fall into one of two categories. There are those that turn feelings of hatred onto themselves (like your friend). The other type (and more common type) turns feelings of hatred onto others.
Wow, sorry to hear about these terrible experiences. Abuse and all. There are probabaly degrees of how extreme this disorder can be, right?
My parent seemed to have some tendencies but was not physically abusive like some of these described in this thread. Nor was this parent ever blatantly cruel/verbablly abusive.
Here were the symptoms that we had growing up (and beyond, this parent is still alive):
Self-centered-narcissistic, almost a compulsive need "to be understood" and center of attention (POV of the others very minor).
Idealization/rejection of others, numerous "crushes" on individuals of the opposite sex followed by a disagreement and rejection of that person.
Bubbly and manic one day, "I'm creative, leave me alone"' and down the next (sleeping/lying down in bed for days at a time, "I'm blue or don't feel well, leave me alone").
Frequent threats of suicide or leaving. And actually leaving (impulsively in anger) for hours at a time. Frequent semi-planned trips away: "I'm out of here tomorrow see you next week." And several extended absences while we were very young while growing up (traveling for 2-4 months at a time while our other parent took care of us).
Lots of attempts at manipulation (attempts to meddle with our marriages etc.), even when were adults.
This parent could also be very generous with helping those in need, within and outside our family. Confusing and confounding. Yes.
nyrun wrote:
From my understanding, Borderlines can fall into one of two categories. There are those that turn feelings of hatred onto themselves (like your friend). The other type (and more common type) turns feelings of hatred onto others.
My experience is that it can go both ways.
I was married to a BPD and the only red flags were her anxiety, self image issues, and parental issues.
At the time we wed her parents had left the country due to financial misdealing.
Only after her parents returned from hiding 7 years later did she morph into the BPD that turned her issues against others. This was primarily focused on myself and two older (6 and 14) kids. After 7 years of relatively OK marriage it took many more years for me to realize what I was up against.
Almost immediately after I started research on her condition I came upon many websites about BPD. Although I would have identified her as socio or psychopath the more I came to under stand BPD I realized that it can be an "umbrella" term for a varied and complicated condition.
My divorce was hideous. At the time of the separation the first thing she did was obtain a restraining order based on her fabrications that she was raped by me. I forced her to have an abortion. I threatened her and her father (a sociopath) with a knife. I was a white supremacist/ anti-semite, etc. This in an effort to prevent me from contact with my kids.
Two years later I have fought an insane legal battle and am now on the edge of gaining full custody.
It's easy to tell someone to run when they encounter a BPD, the tricky part is that one of the BPD's greatest strengths is hiding their condition until you can't easily escape.
alpha wrote:
It's easy to tell someone to run when they encounter a BPD, the tricky part is that one of the BPD's greatest strengths is hiding their condition until you can't easily escape.
Sorry about your experiences and also thank you for sharing. I guess I have always wondered why my husband didn't see through his ex wife's character before marrying and having kids with her. She has also somehow managed to get another man to marry her and I just don't understand how this woman is able to convince people.
I have BPD and it's not fun, but I am going through therapy and really working on learning how to manage it. To the posters who are claiming that all people with BPD are basically the Incredible Hulk - sounds like your girlfriends/wives had other issues, as well. Narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy, and sociopathy come readily to mind. I've never threatened anyone or been violent toward anyone, and I never will.
I do often hate myself, and can swing from idealizing to hating others quite rapidly and with little provocation. It sucks. It has made having romantic relationships difficult, and has probably been one of the main causes of all my past breakups. I don't have much of a sense of self, and I find it difficult to stay with any course of action that doesn't provide immediate reward. But I don't lack empathy. To the contrary, I often feel empathy, and every feeling, really, much more intensely than 'normal' people.
That's really one of the biggest problems with BPD - my emotions more or less rule my life. I will do almost anything to avoid disappointing someone or facing consequences for my own failings. I lie. I choose not to try rather than risk failure. And all these behaviors only make me hate myself more. But then the highs are absolutely euphoric, and really addictive.
Don't write us all off as insane or beyond help and hope. I'm getting better. I want to get better, and I know I will.
I have it also ^^^^
not all the same wrote:
I have BPD and it's not fun, but I am going through therapy and really working on learning how to manage it. To the posters who are claiming that all people with BPD are basically the Incredible Hulk - sounds like your girlfriends/wives had other issues, as well. Narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy, and sociopathy come readily to mind. I've never threatened anyone or been violent toward anyone, and I never will.
My ex was diagnosed with Narcissistic PD, and an anxiety PD during our divorce. The only way to get her into therapy was through my son's therapist. My ex, who had custody was insisting that my now 13 yr old son has a laundry list of behavioral issues. The therapist found none and told me as much, that my son does not need therapy. And by the way, this is the 5th therapist my ex has taken my son to in 2 years; she was shopping therapists to get a diagnosis that fit her "victim" narrative. The therapist is attempting to treat her under the guise of working on the relationship between her and the 12 yr old. My son and I both know what's going on, she does not.
My ex will never admit that she has a problem or responsibility for her own actions.
ray wrote:
Mooj wrote:Borderline personality disorder is a living hell for its victims; I should know, I was one.
I have cigarette burn scars from my mother's violent rages. 911 calls where she would threaten to beat me to death with a 2x4 because somebody stole something from her (that I had nothing to do with), and she was feeling personally upset and wanted to feel power over something, so decided to threaten to kill me for half an hour. Came at me with a knife when I enrolled in University, then claimed I was an abusive son because I picked up a chair to keep her the hell away from me.
Would break into my room and steal my things whenever she wanted. I used to come home and find marks on my step-father where she'd attacked him. When she was at her violent and most abusive, she'd tell me that if I reported her, nobody would believe me because she'd been "telling people about me for years" -- basically running a distortion campaign on me since I was six and started trying to run away from home, because sooner or later the neighbours would ask what I was running from (her physically battering my father in front of me and my sister), so she started claiming that I was an emotionally ungrateful child.
Would try to tell girlfriends that I was physically abusive to her so I could never have a relationship (didn't work, anybody outside of her enablers that she sucked up to compulsively saw her bouts of insanity), but still, it's psychotic to even try. Once, when I was 16, she threatened through email to kill an ex-girlfriend of mine to say it was me... unfortunately she tried to do it when I was at school, in class, with 30 other people, so I was immediately exonerated. It never clicked that it was her until years later when she kept insisting that I'd "confessed" to a crime I could (and did) prove I didn't commit (as an excuse to keep telling family members that I did it to assault my credibility and protect herself), when she finally did a 180 about-face and admitted, braggingly, that it was her, and it was the "only way to show people what I really was".
With other people, with the enablers she wanted to suck up to like family and friends, she was the sweetest, gentlest woman. When that door closed, it was Jekyll and Hyde time.
Borderlines are monsters, period. They have no empathy, no compassion, and no soul.
I truly feel sorry for the gentleman or lady in this thread who's in a relationship with a borderline and considers himself or herself "lucky" because of the narcotic high of idealization and/or the feeling of being the "strong hero" for standing by his or her partner. Unfortunately for them, the borderline is running a distortion campaign on them now, and it WILL all come crashing down, with brutal and bitter feelings of betrayal.
I was fortunate only in that growing up in that environment, and steadfastly refusing to give in to her attempts at brainwashing and abuse, I was smarter than her and learned early on how to protect myself. I am one of the rare few who has what is known as "earned relationship security" -- a kind of parallel to normal, healthy relationship security. Most victims of borderline personality disorder do not have that.
This is exactly what it was like, living with my ex wife. The woman was a monster who spent most of her time telling people how evil everyone else was, including me. One night, while correcting papers late, I looked up to notice her sitting on the stairs in the dark, staring at me. I asked if she was OK. She replied that she was just thinking how lucky she was to have me. She turned to go up to bed. Five minutes later she comes down and tells me that she was put on earth to rid the world of my evil.
Even after she left me alone and with 2 kids 4 and 7, she would still torment us. She would call the police and tell them the kids were being abused. I got remarried 2 years later and she claimed my wife was abusing the kids. She'd break into our house and steal things. Call my school and try to have me fired, etc. I feel really bad for not advising you to get help for anyone with this condition, but it is no good. Get out while you still can.
I had a girlfriend that in retrospect I think was borderline. What psycho shit she dragged us through. Her lies nearly got my sister thrown out of college. Thank God she killed herself after I finally cut her off. Maybe you'll condemn me for saying that. So be it. I'll bet ray understands.
I'd never get in a relationship with a borderline again, and I am so glad I don't have her around to keep trying to ruin my life like you do, ray. Truly sorry to hear about your situation.
not all the same wrote:
I have BPD and it's not fun, but I am going through therapy and really working on learning how to manage it. To the posters who are claiming that all people with BPD are basically the Incredible Hulk - sounds like your girlfriends/wives had other issues, as well. Narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy, and sociopathy come readily to mind. I've never threatened anyone or been violent toward anyone, and I never will.
I do often hate myself, and can swing from idealizing to hating others quite rapidly and with little provocation. It sucks. It has made having romantic relationships difficult, and has probably been one of the main causes of all my past breakups. I don't have much of a sense of self, and I find it difficult to stay with any course of action that doesn't provide immediate reward. But I don't lack empathy. To the contrary, I often feel empathy, and every feeling, really, much more intensely than 'normal' people.
That's really one of the biggest problems with BPD - my emotions more or less rule my life. I will do almost anything to avoid disappointing someone or facing consequences for my own failings. I lie. I choose not to try rather than risk failure. And all these behaviors only make me hate myself more. But then the highs are absolutely euphoric, and really addictive.
Don't write us all off as insane or beyond help and hope. I'm getting better. I want to get better, and I know I will.
Thank-you for sharing. I haven't seen a therapist but my best friend/roommate and her therapist strongly think I have it, at least to a mild degree. I have a lot of caring and empathy for others and I am not volatile, manipulative, or angry towards people; I do have a lot of hate but it's self-directed. I often feel empty and worthless and useless. Every now and then I do things like cutting my arm or leg, or smashing my head into the cupboard, or do some pretty reckless things when biking, and I don't know why. I have trust issues and can be pretty unforgiving when people violate my trust-- I cut them out of my life as much as I can. I also push people away a lot when they start to get close to me, even if they've given me no reason to do so (yet). All my relationships with the opposite sex have been less than 5 months in duration and I never let them get too close to me, and I usually end things for no real reason. I'm wondering if I can ever have normal relationships, or if I'll be icy forever.
nyrun wrote:
Borderlines don't think there is anything wrong with them - everything is everyone else's fault. That's why it's basically impossible to treat.
How ironic! I think this explains why nobody here has it, but they all know *other people* who have it. Classic.
and for that matter, I think I do. I'm sure I have all kinds of disorders, hence my refuge here on letsrun forums like the rest of you wonderfully well-adjusted blokes.
There is no such thing as BPD. It is just another fancy nonsense term for people who aren't nice or do things that don't make sense to other people.
Psychologists make up all these imaginary illnesses to get you to sit in a circle and whine about them. Eventually you are all too willing to waste time and money on "therapy" sessions and mind-altering prescription drugs, or pressure your offensive loved ones into doing the same. Then you become dependent on these things for the rest of your life.
You can't expect to understand everybody, and there's no use inventing a "disorder" to explain when you can't. If you can't live with them, leave them.
bump
I have it. I hate it. I hate myself, my life, everything. It really is like one mire all uppity, then treality sets in in a split second, causing you to want to end it all. I cannot have stable relationships because of it. I have serious dysmorphia because of it. I hate it.