Be honest: do you regret having children?

First kid at 25...Jesus Christ! Did they have abstinence only education where you grew up or something? I guess at least one of you never had a real career.

i am curious wrote:

Its not a bad question. I know several men who say they love their kids to death but wouldn't do it again given the choice. There is often a loss of sex, loss of freedom, and tons if financial stress involved end with kids. And my observations have shown me the dads who love having kids the most aren't as active in their lives. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters and my dad loved having kids but didn't do anything but make money to raise us. I have noticed this in a lot of others as well.

I've heard the same thing from pretty much everyone I've talked to about this who had children very early (like 20 years old or earlier). They love their kid(s) but wouldn't wish it on anyone.

My wife and I had one kid sorta late. He turned out pretty cool. No regrets at all.

I see people all the time who say having kids was the best choice they ever made, etc.

However, I also see the most screwed up kids and parents who say the exact same thing. When you look around and see the misery and poor choices that litter the landscape or parenthood, do you ever wonder if you are as deluded at the parents of those parents/kids who should be regretted?

Here is better question: "Be honest, how many people do you see around you who would have been better off never having their children?" Or children who would been better served never being born?

I think it's easier to see the frequent mistake of life-creating in other people than in yourself.

You have to look at them as a long term investment. Having children boosts your social standing and can also make you more attractive to employers. They cost a fortune but the idea is that the cost will be recouped by making them pay for retirement care etc.

'We are now 53 and our children are 27 and 23, will turn 28 and 24 later this year'

Glad you cleared up how that works

Surely you enjoy the free time especially if you are single more in your twenties than when you are in your fifties?

No and mine are grown up. Sometimes I wish my wife would dump me and I could re-marry and have more kids. I love them.

nyc 4 lyfe wrote:

You waited too late wrote:

You waited too late. My wife and I had our children at 25 and 29. We are now 53 and our children are 27 and 23, will turn 28 and 24 later this year. We had so much fun with our children. All the camping trips, vacations, having all their friends over, sporting events, birthday parties, etc. were great. Our son has finished grad. school and is working. and our daughter is just completing grad. school - our last graduation ceremony is tomorrow. We haven't had kids in the house since we were 46 and are enjoying the free time. That said, my only regret is we didn't have at least one more.

First kid at 25...Jesus Christ! Did they have abstinence only education where you grew up or something? I guess at least one of you never had a real career.

Why would one of never had a "real" career? We both had finished graduate school and both have good careers. I'm the CFO for my company and my wife has worked as a CPA for years.

Doclove wrote:

'We are now 53 and our children are 27 and 23, will turn 28 and 24 later this year'

Glad you cleared up how that works

Surely you enjoy the free time especially if you are single more in your twenties than when you are in your fifties?

Why would I enjoy the free time more in my twenties than fifties? My wife and I quickly outgrew the bar scene, so I don't feel I missed out on that. Do you mean being able to travel? We did travel and still do.

So people have kids for entirely selfish reasons? You do realize had you never had kids you could actually have money for retirement, right?

LaVeyan wrote:

You have to look at them as a long term investment. Having children boosts your social standing and can also make you more attractive to employers. They cost a fortune but the idea is that the cost will be recouped by making them pay for retirement care etc.

My wife and I don't regret not having kids, if that counts.

kahl wrote:

Who is Louis CK?

The guy from Opie & Anthony

yes.

I am in a nightmare situation. late 40s divorced, 3 kids.

1st the ex wife decides she is a lesbian, takes off then comes back and lives that lifestyle for a couple of years. After she spends all her (really mine) money she has some much younger man living with her. She soaks him for every dime. Well he ends up getting arrested and put in jail.

my kids have been through hell. their mental health is damaged.

I am broke, on the verge of losing my house. My once promising career has been ruined. In the middle of a painful, expensive custody battle. Kids in a therapy program.

I go on long runs and think back....wish i had a time machine or something.

Children are very expensive, time consuming, and stressful.

However, even with those drawbacks, the smug feeling of moral superiority I get to have over those without kids makes it all worth it. Sure, childless people may have more money and freedom, but society tells us that parents are simply better people. Parents are less selfish, more stable, more self-sacrificing, and better spouses.

Once you have kids, kids come first. Everybody knows that. Childless people only have themselves to look after, which makes them morally questionable at best.

Also, I really like having the ability to dismiss any childless person's opinion with the simple statement of "if you don't have kids, you couldn't possibly understand." This works no matter how logical and well-thought out the opinion.

But, to answer the op's question, no regrets, net-net having kids is a win.

Having children has been the greatest joy of my life. I looked forward to it before they were born. I planned when to have them with my wonderful wife who also greatly wanted children. I got one boy and one girl, and they are both super smart and funny and athletic and musical. They are both destined for great things.

Recently I caught the end of a news segment on television where a father was talking about his son, and with tears in his eyes he said, "If I got to pick all the qualities I would want my son to have, I would have picked exactly the qualities he does have." With my children, I never would have had the audacity to ask for the blessings that have been heaped upon them.

Even before I was a father, I enjoyed watching other young people grow and succeed...gives one hope for the future.

So, in my case, do I regret having children? No way!

Flagpole wrote:

... I looked forward to it before they were born. ...

Even before I was a father, I enjoyed watching other young people grow and succeed...gives one hope for the future.

This. Some people are very drawn to parenting, from an early age. Others are not, for a variety of reasons. If you are not, it does not mean you are broken. It means you are probably not suited to be a parent. Its an all-consuming activity, and not everybody enjoys it. so be warned.

Parenting is economically irrational. But so is competitive running. There are immeasurable psychic benefits.

Nice world view, freak. Hard to believe there are people who really believe in Hell.

I'm going to offer the flip side of this.

I don't have kids and never will, because I'm so mentally and physically flawed. To pass on my genes would be an act of cruelty.

A bit of my story:

I have a mental disorder, and grew up battling eating disorders. Of course, my running just made that worse. I was always kind of a sad kid, and I know this caused my parents a lot of heartache.

Even in adulthood, my life is a pretty sad existence. My mental disorder rages on, and now I've become physically handicapped after a severe knee injury left me unable to even walk, much less run.

I'll never have kids so this curse can die when I do. But I can guarantee you my parents regret having me. If they'd known the mess that would become my life, they would have passed on the "joys" of parenthood.

Absolutely correct.

Parent to Be wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

... I looked forward to it before they were born. ...

Even before I was a father, I enjoyed watching other young people grow and succeed...gives one hope for the future.

This. Some people are very drawn to parenting, from an early age. Others are not, for a variety of reasons. If you are not, it does not mean you are broken. It means you are probably not suited to be a parent. Its an all-consuming activity, and not everybody enjoys it. so be warned.

Parenting is economically irrational. But so is competitive running. There are immeasurable psychic benefits.