Thanksgiving menu: wife is out of control

Sounds like you need to have a talk with your wife about why she's buying all this stuff. You need to make sure you try to understand her motives for doing so.

My wife and I haven't had Thanksgiving yet but I imagine if and when we do it'll be very stressful. To many people it really seems like a command performance and I imagine your wife feels like her Thanksgiving performance will be judged, rated, and critiqued by all your guests.

Get to the bottom of her anxieties about the day, because I imagine there's more going on than just overspending on basters, pans, etc. figure out why she feels the need to put on a perfect show--and most importantly, for whom.

tom-tom wrote:

Any advice on how to reign in her lavish spending without precipitating postnuptial shutoff?

Have sex with the turkey and have the new equipment involved as well.

This could stop your wife from buying things and make her more consience of taking care of you.

She is basting you, as you're the premiere turkey in this situation. Get control of your wife before she cooks your goose.

tom-tom wrote:

This is our first year having Thanksgiving at our new abode. My wife is already beginning to plan out our menu. She just spent close to 500 dollars on equipment from Williams Sonoma. I see also charged close to 200 dollars on a 26 lb prebrined organic turkey.

Any advice on how to reign in her lavish spending without precipitating postnuptial shutoff?

Tell her that you'll be in Baltimore to watch the 49ers destroy the Ravens, so there is no need for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

I like some of these ideas a lot! I really like the one about having sex with her $200 turkey! That will teach her! I would show her this thread in all honesty, though.

Starving Marvin wrote:

Be happy your wife cooks. My postnuptial shutoff is of the kitchen variety. Old lady refuses to cook for me- I said something negative about her meatloaf a few weeks back and she has been on strike ever since. I've been eating frozen meals and my innards are rotting, She cooks for herself and offers me leftovers if there are any in the pan. She swears she isn't going to cook for me until and unless I start sharing cooking responsibilities with her. I'm betting she has the goodwill to put this nonsense on hold for thanksgiving, at least.

Sounds like you are living in a bad sitcom.

I'd let this one pass. There are FAR worse things she could be wasting money on. Pick your battles. Hosting Thanksgiving will be stressful enough, don't make it any worse.

Just as a heads up: that 26 pound fancy turkey is going to be very tough to cook well unless she really knows what she's doing. That's a very unforgiving bird. It will likely end up either raw or a dried out mess unless she uses both an oven thermometer and a probe meat thermometer (both available at Williams Sonoma ;) ). There's a reason 99% of turkeys sold these days are factory injected with a sugar/salt/water solution. If done well the fancy turkey will taste great but a safer bet would have been two 13 pound Butterballs.

sdgnsgngm wrote:

If done well the fancy turkey will taste great but a safer bet would have been two 13 pound Butterballs.

No, a 26 lb. turkey will always taste like shit. It isn't an argument. She should have purchased two 13 lb. organic, pre-brined birds. Those would have been the shit.

We have a local butcher who does pre-orders around this time. If you want, you can even pick your bird before it is killed. Pretty cool. All local organic and done just how you want it. I always get mine double brined with a special hot salt that he offers.

Anyway, I agree with sdgnsgngm in that you need to embrace this obsession. She is obviously stressed out and wants to be prepared. I am guessing your parents might be there? OP, YOU need to control the turkey. That is the man's job, not the woman's. Let her worry about the 25 different sides that need to be perfect for the meal.

When we had our first Thanksgiving, I took control of the turkey and also made two 12" apple and pumpkin pies (4 pies total). I worked my ass off and everything was great. We had fun and my in-laws offered to clean everything up. I took them up on it while I drank beer in the back yard with my brothers-in-law.

You will have fun. Buy more alcohol than you think you'll need. Make the cranberries from scratch.

One other thing... You pre-ordered the bird, right? You don't actually have it in your freezer yet, do you?

Almost forgot. Carving the turkey is a job left to the man of the house. That would be YOU.

Read/Watch and learn. Don't look like a fool in front of your family and friends.

http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/20/how-to-cook-and-carve-a-thanksgiving-turkey-like-a-man/

Expensive food is never worth the money you pay for it! It still ends up in the same place (white porcelain), the next morning!

Dine-4-a-buck wrote:

Expensive food is never worth the money you pay for it! It still ends up in the same place (white porcelain), the next morning!

You are what you eat.

Give her the Mr. Bean treatment--

http://youtu.be/5r1akLZkVe4

She'll never bring home another turkey.

Jeebus for that amount of money she could have ordered out for the turkey and all the trimmings, sides, alcohol, etc. You, sir, have married the woman that all LR men fear: the spendthrift who will easily become upset if things don't go perfectly and will then shut you off from sex because of it. Good luck. Maybe put in an order for Chinese just in case.

I can see spending $500 at W&S very easily. She'll even justify that by saying it's stuff you can use again. Sure. But why couldn't she buy it all at Target for half the price? I'm sure it was available cheaper elsewhere.

Why is she buying organic? Is it because the two of you really care or because you're trying to impress somebody? The combination of W&S and an organic food make it start to look like she's trying to project an image of herself that your wallet shouldn't have to support. Actually, going for the epic 26 lb bird instead of the wiser two 13 lb birds also makes it sound like she is trying to be more impressive than practical/rational.

You probably will use some of the stuff again, especially if you host more Thanksgiving meals. The question is how disposable is your income. Can you afford it? Should she know better or is this pretty acceptable for you guys?

you mean watch the raven's eat the miner's aliiiiiiiive!

this is why i am never getting married.

tom-tom wrote:

This is our first year having Thanksgiving at our new abode. My wife is already beginning to plan out our menu. She just spent close to 500 dollars on equipment from Williams Sonoma. I see also charged close to 200 dollars on a 26 lb prebrined organic turkey.

Any advice on how to reign in her lavish spending without precipitating postnuptial shutoff?

Just be thankful she's cooking something and is ambitious about it. Maybe she's being too extravagant, but the opposite is worse. Be appreciative that she's trying to impress you and enjoy your nice dinner.

If you are having money problems, budget problems, spending problems, etc. those are things you have to be able to communicate about and get a common understanding about in a marriage, but do it in a calm, neutral way that doesn't involve the Thanksgiving things specifically. Jointly figure out what you can afford and set a budget for yourselves, but really try not to turn it into a struggle over which one of you gets to spend what.

All I can say is, be careful when choosing a wife! You may think you know them, but then as soon as you get married boom! they start shopping sprees daily.

Big Host Man wrote:

No, a 26 lb. turkey will always taste like shit. It isn't an argument. She should have purchased two 13 lb. organic, pre-brined birds. Those would have been the shit.

Well if the options are a bird that tastes like shit or the shit, I'll take the bird. Good call, OP.