How to disappear ???

When I was 25, I was a college grad with a great girlfriend but my career was floundering.

I joined the army - best thing I ever did.

Either take an anti-depressant or grow the f*** up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and moping around.

DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS to your family, your friends or the people around you that count. Doing that will hurt them all more than you could possibly imagine. You are in a tough spot at moment, many are ... but what you are thinking about doing will not solve anything, only make it worse. PLEASE, doing that will destroy your parents and grandparents. You have good friends who will be hurt beyond words. No one looks down on anyone who is willing to work hard to get to the next place. You have to be open to all possiblities and continue to work on things that are in front of you as well. If you are feeling this way about the relationship, it sounds like you were not getting the support you needed from it in tough times. Your only focus needs to be on you, not someone else.

Hoping this was just a "get it off your chest" moment. Your idea is the worse possible option. I have three kids and one "adopted", and it would KILL me if any of them chose this option.

what i can say is your a huge pussy, i get bitched at for floundering but i dont have 30k, i make shit and live paycheck to paycheck like so many people right now. start your own business, travel, stop with this pity party when you have money to burn!!

sit back and think about the thousands who have less than you and are stuck in the shithole job they have cause they dont have the finances to get or move someplace better. your a spoiled little brat who needs to have a hug and a pat on the back for everything huh?

find something you enjoy and use your 30k to start your own business in a new and exciting place, otherwise give me the money so i can do something worth a damn!

One word

LIBYA

I can't say my situation is exactly like yours but here's one way it can play out:

After college I got a dead-end hourly-wage job unrelated to my major, let my life fall apart and pretty much gave myself up as a failure. One by one I alienated myself from my friends and family because I couldn't deal with the shame I felt being around them. Finally quit my job, moved to another city where nobody knew me and went back to school. Cut pretty much every tie I had.

But obviously the problem was never my friends or family; it was me. Every problem I had, I brought with me. Now things are basically the same as before, except I have no support network and am deeply in debt. When I first made the move I patted myself on the back for having the courage to do it but in retrospect, running away was pure cowardice.

Anyway, my $.02, good luck to you whatever you choose.

this is me, too. running don't work; sorry to say it. you might not think of it as running, but it is. i've moved 10 times in the last 7 years. and everywhere i go, there i am. same old anxious bullshit circulating in my mind.

How well do you want to disappear?

http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/

Whatever you do, don't just disappear. It will destroy your parents -- you're worth way more than whatever money you leave behind. Tell them that you need some time to figure things out, take the 30K, finish paying for the car, then take the money left over and the car and just go. But let you parents know so they won't be going crazy looking for you.

If you can't think of your parents, think of yourself: you just disappear one day, your parents call the police and they look for you because they think something's wrong. You tell your parents that you're leaving for a bit, and police don't get involved, and nobody goes looking for you.

Translation from below (by paragraph): You are too illiterate to write complete sentences and use proper grammar. You too lazy to proof read and fix that personal flaw. You state this as if you are proud of it.It's daddy's money. Reinforced: It's daddy's money. You quit your job to make a family with your serious girlfriend, then broke up with her because you don't have a job. Well played, sir. This kind of logic is probably how you ended up in sales then got fired.You desperately want people to beg you not leave or to come back, but you really don't have the gonads to leave and stand on you own two feet.

another average american wrote:

Whatever you do, don't just disappear. It will destroy your parents -- you're worth way more than whatever money you leave behind. Tell them that you need some time to figure things out, take the 30K, finish paying for the car, then take the money left over and the car and just go. But let you parents know so they won't be going crazy looking for you.

If you can't think of your parents, think of yourself: you just disappear one day, your parents call the police and they look for you because they think something's wrong. You tell your parents that you're leaving for a bit, and police don't get involved, and nobody goes looking for you.

i mean seriously. if the OP is not a troll, he has already acknowledged here the selfishness of simply disappearing, but simply typing the word selfish does not do justice to the amount of pain he would cause his family and friends if he really did this.

trust your parents and friends. tell them you are unhappy and you think you need a change of scenery. travel for a bit, settle in a new city, limit communication with your parents, whatever you think will make you happier. but do not cause your parents more pain than necessary. why would you do that to them?

same situation. I know exactly how you feel with the embarrassment of being back in your hometown and wanting no one to know. I too went to college on a scholarship, a big deal was made about it as people rarely leave home here, and when I came back all I felt was embarrassment and guilt for living at home with my parents. After about a year of living at home, working a very low paying job and kind of getting my feet under me a little bit, I took a chance and moved out.

The best thing that's happened is that I feel more responsible in my own affairs- like paying rent, paying bills, getting groceries, etc. I still have a low paying job and I have enrolled in a few classes at a local school but I look at this as what I have to do to get back on the right track. I don't feel like a mooch like I did before. My parents never minded that I was living at home, they understood my situation and I helped them with housework, yardwork, etc. which they appreciated, but I still felt tremendous guilt about living there at 27 years old.

The worst part that's happened has been that I still would not say that I am happy, per se, I'm just going through the motions still. I get through every day. I am afraid to take any chances or risks because I don't want to end up back at home. I am about to move to a new and bigger city again, which would put me on my 4th move in a year. I've realized this time that my problems won't stay in the city that I am leaving and that at some point I'm going to have to deal with them.

My advice is to not "disappear" ... you can't run from your parents and if anything truly bad happens to you, you will want them there to help. I was in the ER without health insurance about three months ago and my parents are splitting the bill with me- there is no way I could have paid it on my own. If I had cut ties with them I would be royally screwed. For things like this I do not feel guilt- it's out of necessity and they've offered to help because they can see that as well. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and accept help. I am hoping that once I get through school and get a decent paying job I will be able to repay them somehow.

We've all been there. You're 25 years old. I was in a similar situation as well (much like most people in their early/mid 20s.) You just have to stick it out. It's part of the 'quarter-life crisis' of figuring out what you REALLY want to do and finding a job that lets you do it. The point is you have to stick it out.

Instead of setting a life precedent of not being able to face the issues in your life, why don't you keep trying on figuring out a solution rather than running away?

Taking a big road trip is one thing; disappearing from everyone because you are embarrassed that things are shitty at the moment is another.

I'm going to answer your question first: I lived overseas for 12 years with limited contact with family/friends. At first it didn't seem like I was running away. It was an adventure and what better way to "figure out" what I wanted to do with my life? Well, the years went by. And now further away from any answers.

So, we moved back and it is THE HARDEST thing that I've ever had to do. Starting over at 37 is really not such a good feeling. I feel way behind everyone and feel so much shame for my situation of having a shitty job (and having been fired from shitty jobs)I have thought of leaving my husband because of this shame of us not having kids, a house, plan for the future, etc. I have pushed away my family because I can't stand them asking the simple question "How are you?" I'm starting to get fed up with even myself. Thank god for running!!!

There is no place far away enough to go to get away from your problems. And then you will just be lonely.

Now, my advice: Talk to your parents. You need their support, but you also need to get on a plan to get independent if you can. Do not cut contact. Your parents/hometown feel proud of you. Use that to help give you confidence that you can build a future back up. Be lucky that you have people that care. I know how you feel. But you are NOT your failures. Or your successes either. You are the same person either way.

Get back to your girlfriend. You are not married yet and you do not need to "support" her. Even if you do decide to get married that will be your motivation to get back a future. If you love her. If she loves you she will support what you want to do and want you to be happy.

Good luck and try to take things lighter.

Get your mileage up over 100 miles a week and everything else will take care of itself.

1) Why did you quit the "good job"? If it was so good and you quit it, then perhaps you need a doctor's attention -- depression, mental illness, something. Not a slam...a reality. Maybe you had a good reason for quitting. The rest of your post makes me wonder.2) Why are you sharing a bank account with your father? What a weird thing. How do you know what money is yours and what money is his?3) Why leave a car that has value and only has $1500 left to pay on it to your parents? Take $1500 out of your bank account (if it's actually your money) and pay them. Then, sell the car. How is this not obvious?4) DO NOT just slip away. Someone else already said this to you, but this is entirely unfair of you to do that to your family. I know a guy who at about your age did that for 3 months. His father was so worried he quit his job and spent a lot of money traveling the country following leads to try to find him. You want some space and time alone, then you tell your parents where you're going and why, and go be alone for a while. You owe it to them to make regular communication, however.So, what to do?Well, you won't have a car, so living in a bit city close to work so you can walk or bike or ride mass transit is a good idea. Go find a job that pays your bills and just do that for a while. At 25 you don't know what to do yet? Hell, at 44 I still don't...other than I want to retire as soon as possible.Seriously though, do some deep thinking about whether you're depressed and/or a danger to yourself, and if you think you might be, go see a doctor.

Go to St. Croix. US Virgin Island paradise. No passport. Just get a job waiting tables, chill and run.

Flagpole

Read the rest of the thread it explains things. Though I'm not saying any of it is good reasoning. Though sharing a bank account has more to do with he is my an accountant and former investment baker. He doesn't need my money and I trust him to take out whenever he sees fit to put into a stock. The profits from the stocks are put in an IRA for me and my money is returned.

Flying to a job interview as we speak. Took your guys advice. Have 4 lined up around the country in the next 2 months. I had some options I wasn't leading on to, I just felt shitty after not getting a job I wanted yesterday. Thanks guys for explaining to me I was being a bitch.