Did your parents ever hit you as punishment?

Serves her right for ruining the damn video with her stupid-ass dancing.

I was spanked occasionally as a child, as were my siblings. However, if I recall, my parents were careful to not be angry when they spanked us, but were rather calm, simply administering a punishment.

I was given the strap once at school. A single strap across my hand. I can tell you plainly that made me reconsider my actions quite clealy and had a lasting effect on my behaviour. Had it happened to me regularly, perhaps it would have lost its jarring effect.

My mother once got really angry at me and broke a broomstick across my ass. This may seem an overreaction on her part, but I was about 16, and I was being an unbelievably unpleasant and disrespectful teenager. I deserved it and more. But she cried her eyes outin regret for doing it.

My wife and I decided together that we would not use corporal punishment raising our son because she didn't believe in spanking. So that was a joint decision, but primarily swayed by her experience and opinion. I personally believe that spanking, if used rarely (for only the most serious of offences) and properly (without anger) is a useful tool in the parenting toolbox. I bear my parents no ill will for the infrequent times they spanked me, and I know with certainty that the few times I was spanked, I deserved it.

BTW - there is a significant difference between administering a spanking, without evident anger, and hitting in anger in the heat of the moment. Slapping a child, punching, or otherwise adminstering some form of beating is completely different than applying a few firm blows to the butt.

I realize it's not particularly politically correct these days to believe in spanking. The older I get, the less I ascribe to political correctness.

My father would hit us, and it often had no correlation to anything we did "wrong." We didn't really do anything wrong. The absolute fury and out-of-control look on his face was probably worse than any actual pain. The prospect that he'd do it again was always there...up to a certain age, by which time he couldn't have gotten away with it. Anyway, it was tough to "love" dear old dad after that. Me, I'd never hit a kid.

Bill the Pill wrote:

Positive reinforcement is a MUCH MUCH more effective way of shaping behaviour in young children than is punishment. Any psychologist will tell you to reward the good behaviours and you'll see fewer and fewer of the bad behaviours, so when you do have to resort to punishment, it's FAR more effective. They'll probably also tell you that one or two swats on the butt, over the course of a childhood, for egregious behaviour is okay.

If unconditional love and warmth toward your kid(s) is the norm-- which includes straightforward boundaries for behaviour, and explicit explanations for the rules you have-- the instances of punishment (which will inevitably occur to even the sweetest kid) will be more effective. Plus, you'll probably have a generally well-behaved kid and a solid relationship with them.

I guarantee you don't have kids.

The real answer is this: it's different for every child. Some respond to positive reinforcement only, many don't. Some respond ONLY to spanking, many don't - so there's no need to go there. And on and on.

Case in point: When my son was 5 he was very agressive, lashing out at my wife whenever she attempted to put him in timeout. He was incredibly defiant, to the point he wouldn't stay in timeout, and no positive reinforcemt (as in, "I'm so glad you didn't hit mommy today") was getting us anywhere. The solution? As soon as he became aggressive with my wife, I stepped in. One quick whack - hard - with a, "you do not talk to your mommy that way" was what finally caused a behavior change.

So.. you just can't generalize. Don't copy and paste out of your Intro to Psych textbook and pretend to be an expert, dude...

kokopkopkpok wrote:

Listen you pussies -- getting your ass spanked is not that bad. Yes, it stings for a couple of minutes, and after that it's gone. I was spanked CONSTANTLY throughout childhood -- as were my brothers.

I'm not talking about "beatings" (punches, kicks, bleeding, bruising, etc.) Getting your ass smacked is a good way to curtail a behavior. You don't want the brat to engage in a certain behavior, you make them associate the behavior with PAIN.

You sound like an idiot. I blame the spankings.

If you think you changed a kid's entire behaviour with one whack you are an even bigger idiot than the other guy.

I consider myself to be quite lucky. My father came from a truly f***ed up family. His father was an abusive alcoholic who treated his family horribly. My father's older brother dealt with his anger over the situation by beating on my father. And it wasn't just physical violence, it was all kinds of weird shit that I probably shouldn't get into right now.

You hear a lot that people who are abused themselves are significantly more likely to become abusers. While my father certainly has some issues related to the way he was raised, he is nothing like his father. He has never and would never raise a hand in anger to his family. Most of us learn to parent--at least to some extent--from our own parents. My father never had much of an example to learn from. And while he's not perfect, I don't think that any man has ever tried harder to be a good father.

I think it's a damn miracle--and a testament to my father's strength--that I can say that I have never been hit by my parents.

I wasn't spanked routinely, but I did get a few hits and slaps. Once I called my mom a b1tch and she slapped me hard in the face. My dad hit me as well when he got home. There were a few other times that they "spanked" me, but they never did any damage.

People who say that anyone who spanks a child belong in jail are way off base. Spanking is not intended to inflict pain. It is intended as corrective behavior. Spanking does not leave bruises or permanently injure a child. We aren't talking about child abuse. Society has gone too soft. Remember how teachers used to hit kids in the classroom? Now teachers can't do much of anything, and that's part of why there is so much chaos in the classrooms.

All parents spanked back in the day, and people weren't as f*cked up then as they are now. Bring back the spankings.

Just had another thought - IMHO moderate, dispassionate spankings are better than the passive-aggressive emotional manipulation some parents use for discipline.

I was spanked when I was really bad. It wasn't that it hurt as much as it showed that my parents were very upset with me. It didn't happen often, but I remember when it did

Maybe it is just me, but I think you need to fear your parents a little bit, trying to convince a 3 year old to think through and use common sense doesn't always work. But I knew that there was a line between right and wrong and being respectful and disrespectful. And if I crossed it, I had to accept the punishment.

Growing up I had a friend that was spanked and occasionally hit in the face. (just slapped though) Spanking is a perfectly reasonable discipline for a child who needs correction but only as a last resort. (If the child defies several times in a row or does something very bad)

Hitting a child in the face is disgusting period. My friend had issues with self injury as he grew older. (cutting, breaking his hands, scratching himself) Even though he did everything to cover up that anything was wrong I was close enough to find out what was going on. I feel like this can be attributed to the abuse he had growing up.

kokopkopkpok wrote:

Listen you pussies -- getting your ass spanked is not that bad. Yes, it stings for a couple of minutes, and after that it's gone. I was spanked CONSTANTLY throughout childhood -- as were my brothers.

I'm not talking about "beatings" (punches, kicks, bleeding, bruising, etc.) Getting your ass smacked is a good way to curtail a behavior. You don't want the brat to engage in a certain behavior, you make them associate the behavior with PAIN.

OK. Then how about now? You screw up as an adult (according to somebody) and your pants get pulled down and someone spanks you. I'm sure you'd sign up for this, no? Every time you get a traffic ticket for example. Pull over, pull them down, wham!

If you wouldn't sign up for this (and you wouldn't, regardless of what lame nonsense you want to claim here) then you should have the integrity to admit that spanking a child is not only just as bad, it is worse.

A child is far more helpless physically and far more vulnerable emotionally.

"Oh, but they are a child - it doesn't count" Right?

Try thinking next time.

grounded wrote:

I was spanked when I was really bad. It wasn't that it hurt as much as it showed that my parents were very upset with me. It didn't happen often, but I remember when it did

Maybe it is just me, but I think you need to fear your parents a little bit, trying to convince a 3 year old to think through and use common sense doesn't always work. But I knew that there was a line between right and wrong and being respectful and disrespectful. And if I crossed it, I had to accept the punishment.

When I first became a parent I didn't believe in spanking, until the day my 2+ year old started repeatedly running away from us in a parking lot. Explaining to my 2-yr-old why she shouldn't do this did not work. After a few weeks of trying to reason with her all it took was one swat on the bottom to change her behavior.

I still think physical punishment age 5 and over is never appropriate. The handful of times my wife and swatted our kids' bottom happened in the act of the crime (not sure if this qualifies as formal spanking) they were between ages 2 to 4. Today as pre-teens they don't remember getting "spanked".

Ihaveasoreelbow! wrote:

... Spanking is a perfectly reasonable discipline for a child who needs correction but only as a last resort. (If the child defies several times in a row or does something very bad)

Spanking is a perfectly reasonable discipline for an adult who needs correction.

If you have any sort of intellectual capacity you will not be able to deny this. But the truth is you don't believe it.

And the bigger truth is that it is a difficult intellectual exercise to recognize that societal norms are not necessarily right. It is even more difficult to recognize how wrong something is when you "grew up with it and you're fine".

You and others saying spanking is OK has exactly as much validity as all of those in certain countries who insist that it is perfectly OK to beat their wives because...

You cannot think beyond your own experience and cultural norms and they cannot think beyond their own experience and cultural norms. Next time you look at the grotesque sexual discrimination, domination and violence around the world just look in the mirror - you are exactly the same and would act and think exactly the same as they do if you grew up there.

The Judge wrote:

If you wouldn't sign up for this (and you wouldn't, regardless of what lame nonsense you want to claim here) then you should have the integrity to admit that spanking a child is not only just as bad, it is worse.

By this logic, no punishment is ever appropriate. If we're going to say that a punishment is wrong if we would not willingly "sign up for" it, then every punishment is wrong. No one would "sign up" for any punishment. That's what makes it a punishment.

I wouldn't sign up to go in time out. I wouldn't sign up to be scolded. I wouldn't sign up to be spoken to harshly or to be sent to the principal's office or to be given a speeding ticket. Are all of these methods of discipline improper?

I'm not necessarily saying that I agree with spanking. There are reasonable arguments against it. However, your argument is not one of the reasonable arguments.

Any of you ever read Rousseau's "Confessions?" Remember the Mlle Lambercier episode? Yeah, that right there is an excellent reason not to spank your kids.

One time I got caught sling-shotting rocks at cars on the road. My parents refused to give me seconds on dessert for a week. That SUCKED.

Another time I slugged a guy in cooking class in middle school and was suspended for 2 weeks. My parents did not allow me to watch MTV during my suspension. That also SUCKED. That was during the early days of MTV (1981-82), when they actually played music videos like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest.

Yes, they did. Not frequently but I didn't cause all that much trouble. Teachers also disciplined us by hitting us, usually with a paddle or some such thing.

I've never done it with my kids. I have no real problem with it.