Why is "no regrets" considered a worthwhile way to live?

Its a common saying on facebook and aol messenger profiles of 15-22 year old women

Widener wrote:

It was obvious that I was talking about specific decisions that I had made. Just because I made mistakes does not mean that it affected anyone else negatively. For instance I sort of regret spending a crap ton of money for one of my degrees....I feel that it was a mistake, but my 'mistake' certainly didn't cause problems for anyone else.

Sure. But of course if you had children or a wife, then this mistake would also affect them, for example. I was just making the simple uncontroversial point that if we evaluate the meaning of life or the effects of decisions solely in terms of our own personal growth, we are neglecting also the effects of our actions on other folks.

I'm sure you didn't mean to suggest this in your initial remarks, but I think that this is one of the blindnesses behind this aphorism: it only analyzes actions from the point of view of personal growth and achievement rather than from the point of view of the effects of those actions on the quality of life of other folks.

So, for example, I could say that I have no regrets about driving a car to work every day. It's a useful way to get to work. But then if I begin to analyze the larger implications of this decision in terms of pollution or perhaps the quality of life of pedestrians, etc., I regret that I participate in a system of transportation that seems to me to be unsustainable and perhaps bring more general bad into the world than good. The same sort of arguments could be made about our footwear choices, for example. Or the clothes we wear.

podman yo wrote:

Its a common saying on facebook and aol messenger profiles of 15-22 year old women

Agreed, it's typically the self-absorbed teeny-types that cling to this mantra like it's the Gospel. They'll sleep around with everyone in the neighborhood and beat their chest saying "no regrets, bitches!", and then in the same breath say "don't judge me!!!"

"Don't judge" and "No regrets" are hand in hand. "Don't regret anything, and no one better make a legitimate criticism of the way I'm living or there will be Hell to pay."

I completely understand what you're saying, or at least believe too. I also completely agree with you. In this case though, with regards to my professors who were forced to read my writing - I truly believe that my actions only affected myself. I was actually quite anal when trying to regard any other external factors.

I felt attacked by a few posters based off of presumptions, this is why I felt the need to debate.

You can almost stretch it any way. I still say that my personal regret was just that, a solely personal regret. But then again I wouldn't put it past someone to being up the future repercussions....(instead of paying off loans, I could have made money, therefore my kids didn't have money to go to college....etc) but that is all relatively silly IMO.

Good post though, I was thinking along similar lines really, just assumed you weren't - funny considering my initial 'rage' came from assumptions.

Another way to view it would be to realize that all of our future actions will become past experiences, so you should live in such a way that you will not act in a way you will regret later. Call this "no future regrets"; a kind of pro-active philosophy.

Also, since we only have memories of our past actions, and they only affect us through our recollection of them, "no regrets" could be an act of "double-think", where you acted a certain way, and you choose to remember it in another way; a form of selective recollection. This form of "no regrets" is dangerous as it assures you will not learn from mistakes, and will be just as likely to commit them again.

Another form is to remember and learn from mistakes, but not to allow those past regrets to hobble you in the present. They have no physical form, so any deleterious or beneficial effects will come from how they are processed in the brain. Because regrets only exist in the mind, and we can choose how we use those memories; ignore them and risk repetition, or learn from them to ensure they are not repeated. I think of this as "never regret, but always remember".

I don't think you understand the phrase we're discussing. The phrase "Live without regrets" doesn't mean "to do things that you won't regret". It DOES mean that you shouldn't regret bad decisions - that's the intented meaning. And you're reinforcing that viewpoint by later stating that you don't regret the mistakes you have personally made.

Additionally, I don't think anyone is saying you should "dwell" on your mistakes. Regret does not equal "dwelling". Regret is simply thinking you made a wrong choice and feeling badly about it. It doesn't mean you should never move on. Regret is healthy because it helps people make better decisions in the future.

" truly don't regret any of my actions because I have done nothing to INTENTIONALLY hurt anyone else."

Okay, what about things you've done that UNintentionally hurt other people? You don't regret those? That's narcissistic and selfish, not to mention a little pig-headed. Just because you didn't mean to hurt someone doesn't make it okay to ignore the pain you've inadvertently caused and claim that you don't feel bad about it in the least.

And don't try telling me that you've never hurt anyone, because everyone's hurt someone else at some point in their lives.

I have to agree with some of the other posters. If you claim that you have no regrets in life, you're just kidding yourself. Not all mistakes are good. Some mistakes make your life worse, some hurt others, some turn you into a more cynical person. You can't tell me that every single mistake you've made in life was good in the long run, because that just doesn't happen. You might be happy with where you've ended up in life, but who's to say your life wouldn't be even better if you had made better choices/less mistakes?

Which is why you're kidding yourself. You're trying to convince yourself that your life is as good as it possibly could be, but it isn't.

I'm not trying to reem you for making mistakes, because everyone does. I'm just saying you shouldn't try to excuse your mistakes (and avoid guilt/sadness in the process) by claiming it made you a better person, because you can become a better person through natural emotional growth, and becoming a better person through natural growth is always better than making mistakes. Own up to your mistakes and realize that they were just that - mistakes. They aren't things to take pride in.

I don't think you understand the phrase we're discussing. The phrase "Live without regrets" doesn't mean "to do things that you won't regret". It DOES mean that you shouldn't regret bad decisions - that's the intented meaning. And you're reinforcing that viewpoint by later stating that you don't regret the mistakes you have personally made.

Additionally, I don't think anyone is saying you should "dwell" on your mistakes. Regret does not equal "dwelling". Regret is simply thinking you made a wrong choice and feeling badly about it. It doesn't mean you should never move on. Regret is healthy because it helps people make better decisions in the future.

Okay, what about things you've done that UNintentionally hurt other people? You don't regret those? That's narcissistic and selfish, not to mention a little pig-headed. Just because you didn't mean to hurt someone doesn't make it okay to ignore the pain you've inadvertently caused and claim that you don't feel bad about it in the least.

And don't try telling me that you've never hurt anyone, because everyone's hurt someone else at some point in their lives.

I have to agree with some of the other posters. If you claim that you have no regrets in life, you're just kidding yourself. Not all mistakes are good. Some mistakes make your life worse, some hurt others, some turn you into a more cynical person. You can't tell me that every single mistake you've made in life was good in the long run, because that just doesn't happen. You might be happy with where you've ended up in life, but who's to say your life wouldn't be even better if you had made better choices/less mistakes?

Which is why you're kidding yourself. You're trying to convince yourself that your life is as good as it possibly could be, but it isn't.

I'm not trying to reem you for making mistakes, because everyone does. I'm just saying you shouldn't try to excuse your mistakes (and avoid guilt/sadness in the process) by claiming it made you a better person, because you can become a better person through natural emotional growth, and becoming a better person through natural growth is always better than making mistakes. Own up to your mistakes and realize that they were just that - mistakes. They aren't things to take pride in.

DPaul wrote:

life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW, What a ride!

You are a babbling idiot. An absolute, empty, fake, babbling idiot. I really hope I never meet anybody like you. Go do an adventure race or something and bike 10 miles before it so you have an excuse.

Horrible type of person.

Or maybe you're the type of person that makes it easy to get ahead in this world because there are so many of you.

When I think of the phrase "no regrets" I think of those Sex and the City sluts getting laid and then having an abortion and then saying "no regrets, of any kind."

That's right, whore: if it doesn't suit your pleasure for the moment, get rid of it.

Yo MTV raps wrote:

[quote]DPaul wrote:

life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW, What a ride![quote]

You are a babbling idiot.

Reading this thread from the top down, I thought this poster was the first to try to steer the thread closer to what the expression means to many people....living life to it's fullest and not about ducking personal accountability. Or as Lee Ann Womack put it...

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.