Anyone out there over 40, never been married, and happy with their choice?

I'm 54 and never married. Not one regret. Only reason I could see to marry, would be to have kids. Never wanted that for myself.

Damn near EVERY one of my married friends tells me, "you're the smartest man I know."

I know the grass is always greener and what not, but still, I think there is some honest truth. I have never had a married man try to convince me that they have the better deal, and I am really missing out on something. Never.

I am not gay. Had plenty of pussy.

But I love my freedom and independence.

I am also financially sound, and will retire before the end of the year. Something I would not be doing if I were married.

I envy those guys who are married. Anytime one my friends gets married I think dang he is a really lucky guy. I tell them to appreciate and be happy with what they have.

solid single wrote:

I'm 54 and never married. Not one regret. Only reason I could see to marry, would be to have kids. Never wanted that for myself.

Damn near EVERY one of my married friends tells me, "you're the smartest man I know."

I know the grass is always greener and what not, but still, I think there is some honest truth. I have never had a married man try to convince me that they have the better deal, and I am really missing out on something. Never.

I am not gay. Had plenty of pussy.

But I love my freedom and independence.

I am also financially sound, and will retire before the end of the year. Something I would not be doing if I were married.

Why would a married guy, even a happily married guy, try to convince you that what you've done with your life is wrong? That would be RUDE beyond belief for one thing, and likely just flat out wrong as we're all different. I'm a married guy with two kids and I wouldn't trade that for your single life for anything in the world, but that's me. Glad it worked out for you though. Not everyone is meant to marry and have kids. For the record though, I'm a married guy who would NOT tell you that you're the "smartest guy I know"...that doesn't mean I don't think you've made the right decision for yourself, because it appears you have...it means that I don't envy you in the least.

Sure Nuff wrote:

40, never been married, never really dated. Play WOW most the day. Doesn't sound too great, but most of the my friends have gotten divorced or their kids are driving them crazy, and they'd give their left arm to go play Frisbee Golf with me during the week.

"never really dated", "play WOW most of the day" and "Frisbee golf" on the weekends" ?!? THAT's your life that your friends envy? Well, I can imagine some of your friends. At least you're honest man. I actually have no doubt that a good portion of letsrun does indeed actually live a similar life or aspire to your lifestyle.

I will say this for those that are not married: research definitely shows you are better off never married than ending up in a horrible marriage or one that ends in really bad divorce. So yeah, don't jump into a marriage just because you want to get married. Be sure it is the right person, which is, I guess hard to do.

I got lucky, extremely lucky in marrying up ( in every sense of the word). But that's life I suppose.

43, divorced since I was 28. A couple of years ago with my then girlfriend I saw a couple of college buddies and their families in front of a restaurant. I was talking to my buddies, the ladies were off to the side and the kids were playing. Both guys said they loved their wives and kids but if could do it over again they wouldn't get married.

no more cocoa wrote:

43, divorced since I was 28. A couple of years ago with my then girlfriend I saw a couple of college buddies and their families in front of a restaurant. I was talking to my buddies, the ladies were off to the side and the kids were playing. Both guys said they loved their wives and kids but if could do it over again they wouldn't get married.

I'm genuinely curious about their current reasons for this. Even if those buddies you saw at the time didn't give you a dissertation, I would really like to hear from those on this board, men and women, who are married with kids, and believe that if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't get married. What about your life today do you wish were different that you can't have with a family?

if you defined codependency using a spectrum like they do for autism then on the light side would be a happy marriage

any marriage contains a degree of codependency

I have been divorced for a long time and am over 40

I date women half my age because it is just for fun.They know I will never marry.Lots of younger women get this and enjoy this form of relationship.It is kinda like they get off on having sex with a guy as old as their father.The relationship last because they really do not exist.There is no relationship to end.

I stay clear of women my age.They are physically unappealing.They are also emotionally unglued.When the looks go they just seem to lose it.It is allmost like they blame men for their demise.So they walk around with all this man hate in em.

Well, I'm not about to support the lifestyle of a single guy with no kids (because it's not what I want), but it's pretty clear to see what you can do without a wife and kids:1) NO consulting regarding any decision.2) Complete freedom outside of working hours; don't have to change a diaper, pick a kid up from practice, go to the inlaws house, shop for things for the home when you'd rather not, and on and on and on.3) Financial freedom (if you do things right). A guy makes $80,000 and supports a family of 4 with no problem. A guy makes $80,000 as a single guy, and he can spend some serious money on entertainment or invest half of it and retire by age 45.Having a family is awesome, but it isn't without some sacrifice. Some people prefer not to sacrifice anything (I would call THAT being a sacrifice, but it's all in the eye of the beholder).

mrs. simpson wrote:

no more cocoa wrote:

43, divorced since I was 28. A couple of years ago with my then girlfriend I saw a couple of college buddies and their families in front of a restaurant. I was talking to my buddies, the ladies were off to the side and the kids were playing. Both guys said they loved their wives and kids but if could do it over again they wouldn't get married.

I'm genuinely curious about their current reasons for this. Even if those buddies you saw at the time didn't give you a dissertation, I would really like to hear from those on this board, men and women, who are married with kids, and believe that if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't get married. What about your life today do you wish were different that you can't have with a family?

Many, many good responses. Thanks.

Flagpole, the reason I ask is because I wasn't sure what sort of resposnes I would get. I am in my mid twenties, dating regularly, but I rarely meet anyone who makes me think "geez, I'd like to spend the rest of my life with this person".

If I sit and try to picture my future, I sometimes see kids. I like kids and I have that innate desire to procreate, but at the same time, I just don't know if it's something for me. I love the idea of freedom and money and less responsibility.

The "right" answer is that I'll probably just keep dating and if the right girl comes along I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

But why I started the thread is because I do have a bit of a fear that I'll choose to not marry or procreate and then on day be 50 years old and look back and regret it. I was wondering if anyone would offer that opinion. Obviously people can be happy either way, even if the path they took wasn't their choice.

Or maybe the real answer is to start a commune.

So you're in your mid twenties? You have decades before you need to start worrying about this. When the right girl comes along, you will probably know it. Until then, relax and enjoy your freedom.

stuck with match.com wrote:

I envy those guys who are married. Anytime one my friends gets married I think dang he is a really lucky guy. I tell them to appreciate and be happy with what they have.

It is a certainty you will fall into this camp when you are 40.

There are tradeoffs in every choice, the key is to never become complacent in developing your self as a person and in giving back to others in some way. I have remained single after a number of serious relationships, and have found ways to involve young people in my life in positive ways, yet as Flagpole points out, I have unparalleled freedom to do many things that are not easily achieved by those who are making the compromises that come with family life. I am able to enjoy satisfying relationships with women, on my own terms for the most part, but this requires a lot of work and personal fortitiude, as does a more "committed" relationship.

On the surface, it would seem that having a spouse and children is an investment in stability and security. After 50 years, I can say that human relationships are unpredictable and that the only real security comes from within.

hard to believe I know wrote:

On the surface, it would seem that having a spouse and children is an investment in stability and security. After 50 years, I can say that human relationships are unpredictable and that the only real security comes from within.

It might seem that getting married and having children is an investment in security but your second sentence is right, relationships (including marriage and children) are unpredictable.

harry backhair wrote:

creep wrote:

i'm mid 40's never married.. never will

had some pretty hot ass in my time and i swear i actually did get tired of having sex with these gals. i mean a man just needs his space. i had my gf over my place for several days and i was getting claustophobia. i needed my OWN BED!!! i don't know maybe we weren't on the same mental page but i think if i did married it would not last long...

so now i live alone, get some ass now and then, stay in shape, kerk off now and then, travel, work,

meh, can't complain life is good

Ok,Ok,we all agree with you. You're command of the language and phobia ,indicates your hand of preference and a bottle of baby oil is the way for you.

It also indicates that he isn't 40ish. More like 15-18. You definitely are not on the same mental page as a mature woman.

Bilbo baggins muffin man bag t wrote:

I do have a bit of a fear that I'll choose to not marry or procreate and then one day be 50 years old and look back and regret it. I was wondering if anyone would offer that opinion.

You will find people in that group too. You can't go with what others think on this matter though. YOU need to do some soul searching and decide what it is you really want. I knew very early on that I wanted to be married and have a family...not everyone is like that. If I tell you that marriage is great and someone you know who is divorced tells you that marriage is hell and someone else who is 54 tells you that being single is great and someone else who says the kids ruined the marriage...what does any of it matter? YOU have to be the one that is happy with the decision. You're still young enough to figure out what it is you want. Maybe you'll figure it out...maybe you won't. Here's hoping that by the time you figure out what it is you want, if you decision requires another person, that you find her.

More or less...the other team didn't want to play. Or at least the beautiful ones didn't or haven't up to now.

I'm reminded of a Seinfeld line, a conversation between two Senior Citizen men:

"...the ones I like, don't like me...the ones I don't like, LIKE me"

I've more or less accepted my Fate. I also dated 4 more or less cute women in a row who either went back to the guys they were dating before me, or wanted to be single Moms by choice.

They were followed by one with serious substance abuse issues. I just more or less decided the dating world just wasn't my thing and essentially gave up.

I might have made a good Minister (I'm Protestant) I suppose as it's pretty obvious nothing will happen during my lifetime. Additionally I have had to look after both my Parents who have had health issues.

haha, YO (super serial) wrote:

stuck with match.com wrote:

I envy those guys who are married. Anytime one my friends gets married I think dang he is a really lucky guy. I tell them to appreciate and be happy with what they have.

It is a certainty you will fall into this camp when you are 40.

swm.c will most certainly marry the first desparate fat girl who will agree to it, promptly start pumping out ugly kids, and suffer from the abused husband syndrome for the rest of his life while his hateful fatass of a slob runs roughshod over him and everything he thinks he used to be. he will be 50 and completely miserable, without a penny or respect to his name, driving a 15 year old minivan and rockin out to michael bolton tunes.

i know im a dick wrote:

swm.c will most certainly marry the first desparate fat girl who will agree to it, promptly start pumping out ugly kids, and suffer from the abused husband syndrome for the rest of his life while his hateful fatass of a slob runs roughshod over him and everything he thinks he used to be. he will be 50 and completely miserable, without a penny or respect to his name, driving a 15 year old minivan and rockin out to michael bolton tunes.

I'm printing this out and keeping it in my wallet for motivation. Anytime I get nervous or want to backdown from a girl I will look at this and be reminded. You've said a lot crap to me, but this time you went to far. Now I'm pissed and now I'm on a mission. My mission is to prove you wrong you dick.

I'm 47. Never been on a date. Very happy. All my friends who are married with kids are miserable. I was a shy fat kid who was awkward till I was 33. Got in a car accident. Had a total personality change. After years of recovery. I came back super outgoing and very different than I was before. Now I look about 30 and in great shape and all. BUt I'm not even slightly attracted to women even ten years younger than me much less my age. My personality is way too young for ppl my age. I'm very successful and entertaining. But I've never been on a date. No one I'd be interested in would ever want me so I'd rather do without than be with some old soccer mom with kids. I'd rather have a gunshot to the head to be honest. I do feel a bit sad that I missed out on dating and girls and all. It's just now that I want one really bad. It's too late. I suppose it could be worse. I'm lucky to be alive. I've got lots of passions that keep me busy that I could never do if I was married.