Athletics World Worried As Bolt Leaves Club Early

Sprint King's 2 A.M. Departure Leaves Fans Wondering - Does Lightning Bolt Still Have It?

April 1, 2010

World sprint king Usain Bolt startled his fans, coaches, management and event organizers by leaving Kingston hot spot "Club Reef" early on Wednesday night, saying, "I'm tired of dancing and so many women around me all the time."

Pressed for more answers on Saturday, Bolt conceded, "I've been trainin harder than ever. I just started tinkin maybe I should go to bed before the sun comes up."

Bjorn Nilsson, meet director of Stockholm's historic summer athletics meeting DN Galan reacted saying, "I almost just went ahead and canceled the meet. But I decided to wait to see if this tragedy is confirmed."

Reports out of Kingston and London - home of Bolt's management - have been mixed as some have reported Bolt's virility and creative DJ'ing to be at an all-time high, while others say his "mojo" has been on a discernible decline. "He's great 'til 1, 2 in the morning," said club-frequenter and Bolt fan Sanya Williams, "but then it's like, where'd he go? Used to be Usain would be grindin us ladies straight through 'til they kicked us out."

News of the latest developments have shaken many connected with the sport of athletics globally, but not "Mama Bolt," Mable. Reacting to the news of her son's shocking behavior, Mrs. Bolt reassured the media horde, "Usain did 4x60m on Wednesday. 'Ironhead' Mills had him out there virtually all afternoon sweating in the sun. He had to wake up before noon on Thursday. Of course he's a little tired. He was running on the beach with those kids on Monday. Training like that is hard. Don't worry, I'll fix him up some more of Mama's special yams and he'll be fine."

Across the island, Bolt's rival Asafa Powell is using this crack in the exterior as motivation. "You bet this is important. I've been popping out of bed every day, knowing in my heart that I have a chance to beat this guy now."

Others are thinking their records may be safe. "To break my 400 record Usain needs a lot of endurance, all-around training," said athletics agent and former great Michael Johnson, whose 400m world record is the only sprint record not held by the 6'6" Jamaican, "Right now 'The Humpty Dance' is tiring Bolt out. How is he going to fare in that last 100 when the record is on the line?"

For now, the athletics world from Eugene to Beijing is holding its collective breath. "Maybe he just needs a 20-piece Chicken McNuggets to set him straight," concluded IAAF head Lamine Diack.

Bolt's first test will come when he runs the rarely-run 300m in the UK in May. "I'll be ready, it's all part of my master plan," Bolt said over the club PA system at 3AM on Saturday night as he pumped up the beats. "Training like this is hard work. Some people don't have any clue what it takes to be the best."


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