Americans Appalled at LetsRun.com Employee Bonuses

Co-Founders Take Home 8-Figure Pay-Days Despite Failing Business

By: Disgruntled LetsRun.com Employee #1
April 1, 2009

(Ithaca, NY) - It is being reported that LetsRun.com, LLC, which received $600 million in bailout money in President Obama's stimulus package, used much of the cash to give lavish bonuses to top executives and employees and fund expensive corporate retreats in exotic foreign countries.

Co-founder Weldon Johnson (Wejo) was issued $45 million cash, from himself, despite his evident role in running LetsRun.com into the ground for the past 8 years. Robert Johnson, who travels to Cornell away meets in a private helicopter, received just over $30 million from Wejo. Wejo said the discrepancy in pay was "to remind Rojo where he stands in this company." Employee #1 Henry Port was rumored to receive lavish gifts including free rent, half-priced Busch Lite, and running gear discounted to retail value.

It is also being reported that all three LetsRun workers recently flew private jets to Dubai for a work retreat in luxury 5-star hotels, all on the taxpayer's dollar. In light of the down-trodden world economy, Rojo tried to put things in perspective as he took a break from motor-boating in waters filled with endangered manatee, "The caviar was a little chewier than it was in the past, and the wine was too 'oak-y', but otherwise it seems like things are still pretty good. I don't know what everyone is whining about."