Rojo Speaks: Off To Sacramento With Mixed Feelings

by Robert Johnson

July 13, 2000

As I prepare to depart later today for Sacramento to attend the 2000 US Olympic Trials, you'd think that because I'm going to see my identical twin brother, Weldon, compete in his first Olympic Trials on the track (he ran in the marathon trials earlier in the year) that I'd be ecstatic. What could be better than going to watch a family member try to fulfill his dream of trying to make the Olympics?

This year has been a dream come true for Weldon. He's run way better than he ever has in his entire life at just the right time. Everything (except for the actual marathon trials) have gone as good or even better than we could have ever expected. He chopped an amazing 1:22 off his 10,000 meter personal best earlier in the year, and as a result, he heads into the Trials with the No. 7 time in the country in the 10k.

While I originally urged Weldon to skip the track trials and focus on a fall marathon as I thought he had no chance of making the team, I'm now starting to think he has a remote shot of coming into the top 3 (he'd probably have to get the A standard at a later date). Weldon has recovered much better than I expected from May's Olympic Marathon Trials and just two weeks ago ran a 5k p.r. His time of 13:59 isn't all that great but he felt he had a lot left in the tank as he ran his last 400 meters in 61 seconds. Additionally, one of my sure locks to make the team, Bob Kennedy, isn't going to run the 10,000 and some of the other guys who were running really well early in the season are struggling. Thus Weldon has a remote chance which is much more than I expected.

However, instead of feeling a sense of euphoria as I head to the Trials, I really head there with mixed feelings. My excitement for Weldon is offset by the fact that the Trials represent a great amount of sadness for two close friends of mine - Scott Anderson and Kristin Manwaring.

Not Meant To Be
Scott Anderson, of LetsRun.com on-line journal fame, won't be at the Trials. At least, he won't be there as a competitor. Scott was my roommate in college for three years and he's made USATF nationals every year since 1995. After graduating from college and competing in the 1996 Olympic Trials, he has concentrated his life on preparing for the 2000 Trials. Sadly, despite four years of hard work, Scott won't even get the chance to compete at the Trials as he was unable to make the tougher 1500 meter qualifying standards set for this year.

While I feel horrible for Scott, my feelings of sadness for Scott aren't as acute as I would have expected. I guess it's because as the last few weeks have gone by without Scott qualifying, it was almost as if everyone (including Scott) gradually prepared themselves for the fact that he likely wasn't going to qualify. Thus expectations were lowered and our disappointment was spread out over weeks instead of crashing home all at once this week. If Scott had qualified at the last minute, everyone would have been ecstatic as it would have been an unexpected bonus.

Additionally, I don't feel nearly as bad as I would have thought because I saw Scott on Monday - the day after he officially failed to qualify in his last attempt - and he was amazingly upbeat. He said to me, "You know if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't qualify, I would normally be pleased with my race." He said he felt good in the race - better than he had in any race all year - and he was focused on winning the race as he thought for certain the winner would qualify. Win the race he did, in 4:00.2 but it wasn't the 3:58 that he needed to qualify.

Heartbreak Hotel Times Two
In contrast to Scott, I feel an acute sense of sadness for Kristin Manwaring as I head to the Trials. Talk about heartbreak hotel, the Trials have savagely ripped her heart out two times in a row (1996 and 2000). In 1996, they didn't have set qualifying times for the 1500 meters. Rather, there were automatic and provisional qualifying times. Kristin qualified provisionally and it looked for certain that she would be going to the Trials. Her travel arrangements were made and she was set to go. Crushingly, she learned that at the last minute a bunch of 10k runners had also signed up for the 1500 meters (as there was no reason not to in their minds as it came after the 10k), and the field was filled.

Kristin was next on the list to go and thus missed going to the Trials by a few hundredths of a second. It didn't matter that a bunch of the 10k runners pulled out of the 1500 meters after they ran the 10k and thus the filled ended up not being full on race-day. In the bureaucratic mind of USATF, the field was full since it was full on the day of the entry deadline and thus Kristin didn't get to go.

After 1996, Kristin, like Scott, set her sights on the 2000 Trials. However, for most of the last four years, it looked as if there was no way that she would make it to the Trials in 2000. She suffered a series of injuries one after another that prevented her from racing for most of that time. She didn't quit, however, and her persistence paid off this Spring as she qualified for the Trials in both the 800 and 1500 meters.

Just three weeks before the Trials on June 24th, she set a huge p.r. in the 800 meters and followed that up a week later with a 1500 meter p.r. She was ecstatic with the way things were going and couldn't wait for the Trials to begin. After persevering through injury after injury, she was in the best shape of her life just days before the biggest race of her life - the 2000 US Olympic Trials.

Sadly, just days after her 1500 meter p.r. and days before the start of the Olympic Trials begin, her fortunes changed drastically. Kristin now finds herself unable to run even a few steps and even walking is painful. Doctors are unsure exactly what her injury is (possible a torn meniscus in the knee), but unless a miracle occurs, Kristin will have trouble finishing the 1500 meters let alone racing it.

Her recent injury seems so unfair because I don't know of anyone more deserving of Trials success than her. There's nothing harder for a runner than being injured, and she's battled through injury after injury, in addition to having to deal with the huge disappointment of being the last runner who didn't get to the Trials in 1996. She persevered through it all and had very high hopes just a few days ago but now her dream has turned into a nightmare.

Is It Worth It?
Thinking about the sad plights of Kristin and Scott made me think about why people run and more specifically why they train seriously. I asked my coach, John Kellogg, ,"If you train like they did for four years and then get injured or don't qualify, does that mean it was all a waste?"

His answer couldn't have been more simple, powerful and totally correct: "Not if they enjoy it (running/training)."

With running, he pointed out, there are no guarantees of success or health and thus one really shouldn't be in the sport unless they really enjoy it.

Both Scott and Kristin have enjoyed the journey and thus there is no need for them to question the sacrifices they made. When Kristin and Scott are older, they won't suffer from the "If only" syndrome. They won't regrettably have thank to themselves, "If only I had devoted myself to running, I bet I could have accomplished something great."

Kristin, however, may wonder what would have happened if she hadn't been injured and thus I feel much worse for her than Scott. She was healthy for the first time in a long while and on the brink of a huge breakthrough, and thus one only hopes that she gets the chance to realize her potential down the road. Unfortunately, the next Trials aren't for another four years.

Scott, on the other hand, has nothing to question or regret. He has been healthy and thus can feel that he tried his best but it just wasn't good enough this time around. I think this explains why he is much less upset about his Trials predicament than Kristin who still has questions about what she ultimately could accomplish.

However, no runner should judge themselves on what they do or don't accomplish. Success or failure often can't be controlled and thus one's effort is what ultimately counts. As a result, both Scott and Kristin should hold their heads up high. I've told them both this, but nonetheless, I know they both are disappointed and thus and thus I feel bad for them. Thus as I conclude this column and head to the Olympic Trials, I do so with mixed feelings. Excitement for my brother but sadness for my friends.

Robert Johnson, co-founder of LetsRun.com, has been running all of his life, but only competing seriously since the Fall of 1997. A series of stress fractures resulted in Robert being only the fourth man on his high school cross country team and in him not running competitively in college. However, his love of the sport never died and he was able to return to competing in the sport once he backed off, allowed his body to heal and gradually got back into things - slowly building up a base so that his body would be strong enough to handle the rigors of serious training.

Since returning to competitive running, Robert has progressed quickly, and he just missed out on qualifying for the 2000 US Men's Olympic Marathon Trials by running a 2:23:11 marathon at the 2000 Las Vegas Marathon.