Where Your Dreams Become Reality
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Poster: Ode to college
Subject: RE: What is the worst / most bizarre thing you've done while drunk?
This thread is so great I feel the need to expand upon my stories.
1) Pissed on my Dad in HS
I was a junior in HS and a fairly novice drinker at the time. I met up with friends late on a Friday night chugged six Mike's hard lemonades. For some reason I had to go home almost immediately, so I drove the mile back to my house, pounding two more Mike's in the process. The next morning I woke up and my Dad asked me if I had been drinking. I, of course, lied and said I hadn't been. He said he knew I had been because I walked into his room at 3 am and pissed all over his feet. We never spoke about that incident again, though I proceeded to pee on the kitchen floor a month later.
2) Ate food out of the garbage disposal
It was the end of the semester at school and all my roommates and I had run out of meal plan money. I got wasted and decided that I would mix all the canned goods in our cubert together. The concoction included a few cans of refried beans, corn, pickled sausages (that we used to shoot out of a paintball gun), and various other canned veggies. The refried beans made the who mess look so repulsive I poured it all out. I proceeded to get even more drunk that night and came home with the late night munchies. Unfortunately there was NOTHING in the house to eat, except for the concoction I had made earlier that was still in the garbage disposal. I proceeded to reach in and eat handfuls of mush out of the sink. One of my proudest moments.
3) Threw a Christmas tree at a cop (and got away with it)
My roommates and I decided to hold a Christmas party. On the night of the party I left them to setup and went out to pre-game at another friends party. I blacked out before our party even began. Luckily I woke up mid-party and walked downstairs to join in the festivities of our party. Everyone cheered for my rally, or maybe they cheered because my roommates had drawn penises all over my face and I didn't realize it. None the less I proceeded to drink my face off. Sometime around 3 am, as the party was winding down, I decided to take the "Christmas tree" we had cut down from the nearby national forest and smash it against the pavement in the parking lot. Mind you I didn't have a shirt on. As I'm repeatedly smashing the tree into the pavement I notice a cop walking up to me. Certain I'll be arrested, I throw the tree at him and sprint through the front door of my house and out the back. I ran about a mile through the woods before stopping and walking back. My roommates, in their boxers wearing santa hats with no shirts(and underage), convinced the cop that I had everyone's ID and was the one who had purchased the kegs they were benching. Somehow no one was arrested.
4) Tried to cook a kitten (sorry kitty)
I got black out at another Christmas party. My friends were taking care of me as I puked all over our bathroom. I had adopted an orphaned kitten which I had named Dinosaur. Apparently in my drunken stupor I wanted to hold the kitten. My roommates graciously brought the kitten to my side while I puked into the toilet. My explosive vomitting must have scared dinosaur, who clawed her way from my hands leaving huge cuts all over my chest. Pissed off I turned on the oven and looked for the kitten to cook. Luckily my roommates thought better of the situation. Dinosuar is now happily living with a friend who adopted her.
5) Nudity, lots of nudity. Naked runs.
My forte was placing my rather large ballsack on the unsuspecting shoulders of women. Lovely reaction every time.
I'm slightly older and, usually, wiser now. No STDs, no arrests, and working my way towards a successful career. Hopefully many non-alcohol fueled stories to tell in the future.
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