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dean moriarty
Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 1:20PM Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
On the military thread, a story jogged my memory.

I was running a cool down after an indoor track meet around my college. My teammate/roommate and I had both had good races, and we were feeling great.

We were running through a heavily populated area, and there were a bunch of little kids outside playing. I would say they were between 5 and 12 years old, and there were probably five of them. As we approach, one of the kids shouts, "You're slow!"

My teammate shouts back, "You're fat!"

I yell, "Want to race?"

As soon as we get next to these kids, they all start sprinting for the end of the road. Without hesitating, my friend and I start sprinting as well.

It was a bloodbath. We destroyed these kids. I turned around and taunted them like that 400hurdler did a couple years ago for the US.

As we turn up the road, the kids are yelling horrible things at us that no kid in elementary school should say. So, my friend turns around and yells, "Next time bring your 'A' game, fatties!"

We thought it was funny at the time, but when we thought about it, it was pretty lame. After all, we were college students, and we were taunting sixth graders.

So, what is the most immature thing you have done on a run?
Curious Gorgous George
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 1:30PM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
About the same thing. I have a run that takes me past a middle school. Aside from the incessant "Run Forest, Run" comments that I usually ignore, one morning an overweight 6th grade girl coming out of a donut shop yells "Who wears short shorts?", a la the old Nair commercial. I yelled back, "Not you, fatass!".
distance guy
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 1:39PM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Not a running story, but interesting anyway. I was with a former college CC/track teammate in a Burger King after a day of golf. There were 4 kids, probably around 12-13 years old rollerblading around the restaurant. They eventually came over near us and through the window, were repeatedly calling us homos, and queer, and making obscene gestures toward us. Normally, I'd just blow it off, but they kept at it the entire time we were eating.

So my buddy and I came up with a very simple plan, and on the way out, he re-filled his large Coke. So, we got in the car and backed out of the spot. Naturally, they came over to the car to continue calling us names. As the ringleader gets within 5 feet of the car, my buddy leans out and empties his large Coke on this kid's face. I swear it was the most accurate throwing of a beverage I will ever see. This punk got all 24 oz. of soda right in the mug.

So now to avoid damage to my car, I have to haul ass around the other side of BK to get out of the parking lot. As I'm doing this, the kids are tearing across the front of the restaurant (fortunately in roller blades) and throwing whatever they can get their hands on in the process. It was a race to the exit that I won - fortunately no cars were coming so I drove right out onto the street while we saluted them and laughed out the windows.

Immature - yes.
Warrented - no doubt.
dean moriarty
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 1:44PM - in reply to distance guy Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Great story!! It sounds like something off of Jackass, and I definitely mean that as a compliment.
Brick Dodger
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 1:45PM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I ripped several Bush For President signs out of the front yard of someone's mansion, caried then down the road and chucked them in a garbage can.
thought police
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 1/1/2005 1:01AM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I grew up in Northeast Ohio and around there, exists a place called Quaker Steak & Lube. They have the most ungodly spicy hotwings ever created by man. You literally have to sign a disclaimer before you are served them, because they can easily blister your mouth when you eat them. Me, being the hardass that I am, happily sign the waiver and proceed to chomp down 6 of these wings. I get my name up on the wall for having done it, and leave the place in pain, but feeling proud.

The next morning I decide to go for my morning 5 mile run along Mayfield Rd. (some of you in the cleveland area may know where this is). Its a well traveled area, lots of cars most of the day driving along. Residences with front lawns, trees etc.... your typical suburban setting. Well I get the familiar gotta shit real bad stirring in my abdomen about halfway into the run, and its an out and back run, so I'm not that close to home. It didn't seem too bad initially so I just kept running, and thought I'd make it just fine. Well those nuclear hotwings from the night before had a different idea. I swear the next tenth of a mile was out of a science fiction movie. The wings moved through me like a f***ing bullet train through the Chunnel and I knew I wasn't going to make it. I stop to walk, and look for a place to hide and let loose, but the particular area I was in just had houses with big front lawns and no particular landscaping. At this point, the alien in my ass was sprinting for the finish line, and it was so bad, I couldn't even move, lest I shit myself right there on the sidewalk in front of a hundred soccer moms sipping their morning lattes. I shuffle step onto the lawn of a particular house in a feeble attempt to make it to the bushes directly in front of their house, but it was too late. Feeling the overspiced rocket of mud in my ass about to burst forth, I quickly and frantically pull down my running shorts to clear the path. I was about a half second too slow, as I do this the shit blows out of my ass, into my shorts which are now around my ankles, all over my hands, running watch, and forearms, and some onto the front lawn of this house.
So here I am, 9am, people driving by, slowing down, honking with a shocked and disgusted look on their face.....and I'm standing in the middle of someone's front lawn with nothing on me except my shit riddled running shorts.

Thank god I had a t-shirt on that morning because it was my only saving grace. I leave the shorts in the middle of the lawn, take off my t-shirt so that I'm now standing completely butt ass naked in front of probably a hundred commuters as I wipe my liquid shit off my own hands and arms with my t-shirt. Now, I have to get home. So I tie the shit stained t-shirt around myself like a loincloth from hell, and f***ing TAKE OFF. I swear to god I ran the last two miles back home faster than Daniel Komen on cocaine.

I didn't bother to return to the house later to clean up the little present I left in the dead center of their yard, I was WAY too embarrassed. I didn't run that route for about a month afterwards. I don't know if all that qualifies as immature or not, but there really was nothing I could do. Thankfully I live a far far way from there now, and I will never eat those godawful wings at Quaker Steak and Lube again.
Karl Fucking Rove
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 2:19PM - in reply to Brick Dodger Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Brick Dodger wrote:

I ripped several Bush For President signs out of the front yard of someone's mansion, caried then down the road and chucked them in a garbage can.



AND WE STILL WON!

Damn, we're STILL laughing at you clowns.
Daniel Komen On Cocaine
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 2:22PM - in reply to thought police Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Being from Columbus, and having a girlfriend from Painesville, I am all too familiar with QS&L. Great story.
redmeansdead
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 2:28PM - in reply to thought police Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
HAHA. holy shit! that story has to be exaggerated.
thought police
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 2:36PM - in reply to redmeansdead Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

redmeansdead wrote:

HAHA. holy shit! that story has to be exaggerated.


I really, honestly wish it were. I'm 26 now and started running when I was 12. In my 14 years of running, I've never had a day that comes close to the frightened shock and embarrassment that I unwittingly inflicted upon myself that morning.

It really was horrible, and looking back on it, I can't see how I could have made it easier on myself except for not eating the wings or not running. It just hit me so hard, I started to panic, and by the time I decided to look for cover, it was all over.

I'm so glad I decided to do the first mile with my t-shirt on, and then carry it with me for the rest of the run. If I had decided to go for the run without a shirt at all, I honestly don't know what I would have done! Run home naked covered in shit? Probably would have gotten arrested for that one.
2nd time around...again
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 2:59PM - in reply to thought police Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
story of the week.

great post!

I flipped the double bird to a guy about 8 inches from his side window, then realized he and his wife had two kids in the back seat.

Well, she was dropping the f-bomb at me, so I didn't feel too bad.

All because we tapped the rear panel of his car after he almost hit us.
Howard Dean Karnazes
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 3:19PM - in reply to 2nd time around...again Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
During an easy six-miler with my gal pal, I allowed myself to get sucked into a profane shouting match in a city park with someone who was quite obviously mentally ill. He had complained of the stupidity of running on sidewalks when there was a "five-mile track" nearby, and I proceeded to give him the business like I was going to kick his ass for him. He was old and I was young and powerful and would have destroyed the fellow and left him weeping.

On a strictly more immature note, I was returning to racing after quite a long absence and thought I would run well under 15:30 for 5K based on workouts. After going out in 4:55 I hit 2 miles in 10:20 and practically jogged in. As I got within about 20 yards of the finish (in about 10th place and all alone) and saw the clock ticking toward 16:50 I impulsively yelled "Awwwwwwwwww, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS!", ripped off my number, banged a hard right and kept on going right around the chute so I wouldn't be timed. There were a lot of spectators including several small children and this was in my own hometown, but if a little kid had walked up to me at that moment and told me "good job mister" I might have told him to go blow. But I've grown up a lot in the 15 years since...my 40s were a tough period for me.
tiger bomb
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 1/1/2005 1:01AM - in reply to thought police Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

thought police wrote:

faster than Daniel Komen on cocaine.




hilarious!

When I was a youngster in college, our captain had a tradition of giving middle fingers and yelling "why don't you come and run with us you f***ing hard-on!" at any car who beeped at us who wasn't girls. So we were doing this loop and at a corner someone beeps at us and he yells "why don't you come and run with us" and stops there, so I finish with "you f***ing hard-on" for him. I screamed it. A man pushing a baby in a stroller was going by us as I did it, who I didn't see; so, essentially, I screamed "you f***ing hard-on" into a baby's face.
dean moriarty
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 4:14PM - in reply to tiger bomb Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
On my college team, we went through a period of time where we would pull down each others' pants- hopefully in front of the girls' team. Now, it got a little old, and everyone was sick of it.

So we are doing pushups or something around the indoor track, and my roommate pulls down a freshman's pants who was not shy at all. The kid took the opportunity to turn around and tell my roommate to knock it off- with his shorts around his ankles.

We all laughed about it, and then we realized that a pretty young lady in her 30's was walking with three kids around the track. All of the kids were under 6.
kingxc
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 4:35PM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I was running past a middle school soon after school let out and middle schoolers were being typical middle schoolers. Well, three with backpacks and all started running in front of me so I got in front of them and told them to race me and I started going faster. The three began going faster but two of them soon stopped but this third kid kept going and dropped his backpack so I kept speeding up and turning around and yelling "Come on BITCH, you can't beat me, HURRY UP YOU SLOW BITCH" or something along those lines. Then I ran past the teachers' parking lot and there was a teacher getting in her car and she yells "HEY!!!" because of my words. It was really funny though...
Image: http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/1997/DEVIL.JPG

ray
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 4:43PM - in reply to dean moriarty Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Back in the 70's I was given a speeding ticket by Officer Applebaum for going 35 in a 25. He also gave me a summons for failur to carry my operators license, as I told him I was on my way to the track. Jackass says, "How can you go to a track without any money?" I'm in running shorts and no T-shirt standing on the side of the road as he searches my car.

About 2 weeks later, I am doing a 5am run behind a local elementary school. There parked in a ploce car in the semi-darkness is Officer Applebaum, obviously fast asleep. I bang on the trunk of the car with all my might and then haul ass down a trail. Must hace tripped and fallen about 10 times in the dark, but it was worth it.
big game
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 5:17PM - in reply to thought police Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Thank you thought police, that story was so funny I had tears running down my face...

Whew!
Ultramiler
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 6:10PM - in reply to big game Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

big game wrote:

Thank you thought police, that story was so funny I had tears running down my face...

Whew!


Hmm. I read it, and beyond the initial humor of the waiver for the spicy wings, there's nothing funny about that. The intestines are a cruel mistress, and they can turn on you in the blink of an eye. It doesn't matter how high your threshold of pain is, or how much willpower you have. Those muscles are beyond conscious control; the best you can do is clench your buttocks and pray you can get home before you weaken. It's bad enough when it happens and nobody's around, trust me. But if there are people... God damn it, it is not funny at all. Not if you've ever experienced anything like it.
cmu
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 6:24PM - in reply to Ultramiler Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I know what you mean about your intestines!

My story is pretty immature depending on how you look at it.

I was on an afternoon workout run with my hs teammates. Our route took us down this road, with very little coverage, and no shoulders on the road. So as I made my way down mile 4 of my afternoon 6 miler, I remembered I forgot to take a dump before leaving the hs.

My bowels were in a knot. Lucky for me there was a woman, oh about 25 or so..outside her little trailer/doublewide home. I ran up her driveway, asked if I could use her bathroom. She said yes, and man I don't know if I would have been able to have run anymore if she would have said no.

After being on the "john" for about 5min. I got up and realized, I should have 'double' flushed! I clogged up her toilet, and instead of trying to fix my oops..I thanked her and ran out the door, finishing my workout.

I was going to stop back by after practice and on my way home from the mall, when I realized Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry I clogged your toilet" card.

It's still funny to everyone on my team to this day...Even my coach says that the girl is no longer outside when they are doing their summer training runs!
WestMichiganRunner
RE: Most Immature Thing You Have Ever Done on a Run 7/12/2005 6:42PM - in reply to cmu Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
This happened just yesterday: I was about a mile into a run when I realized my running shorts felt a little funny. I pulled at the legs and the waistband to make them feel a little more comfortable. Finally, I looked down at my shorts and saw that they were inside out. The black liner was outside the blue shorts. I just kept running...
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