Breakup with GF or keep running?

I know several "semi-pro" triathletes that have let triathlon become all consuming. They're all divorced and happily single. One of the guy's wives did everything she could to accommodate, including finishing an Ironman, but she ultimately couldn't make it work.

The guys honestly seem to be perfectly happy pursing the dream... alone.

Obviously, triathlon is absolutely crazy time intensive compared to running or most other sports.

Good thing you guys have me around to tell you things that you should already know.

A woman doesn't want a man she can control. Furthermore, she DOES want a man who is willing to walk away.

Do you, champ.

Choose running. Leave that gains goblin and find somebody that supports your fitness

It probably won't get better even if you quit running, then you will have wasted a couple months on some girl you are not with anymore

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have a gf that I have dated for 2 years and things have gone well. However, I am a semi-pro runner who has aspirations to be able to go pro one day and support myself through running. Throughout the 2 years of us dating everything has been great, lots of fun dates, laughter, and sex. However, over the last 6 months, I have ramped up my training and have become obsessed with running. She has distanced herself emotionally from me and cut off sex. When I ask her why she says I care about running more than her. And has given me an ultimatum, either choose running or choose her. She is giving me 1 week to decide.

I know this is kinda vague info, but does anyone have any advice or experience with this type of situation?

You have one and only one chance to go for this -- your running. You may very well be able to knock off a few minutes and get into the 2:12-2:13 range. Who knows what can happen at trials. If you don't go for it know you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

As for your gf, she may very well not understand as well as she thinks she does since she may not have excelled at anything compared to where you are with running. It's not like you're on the couch being lazy or skulking around behind her back, she knows that you're RUNNING high volume. Her insecurities are surfacing and needs for attention are not being met and her response is to cut off sex -- very selfish. You'll never win with her because she'll always be able to play this card to manipulate intimacy, which ultimately cheapens the entire relationship.

Break up, chase your dreams, and go for it. You'll probably be faster because you will have less stress and run freer. When you meet the next lady you'll be able to tell her that you had the stones to ante up and give it a shot.

She's dating a treadmill walker. Those guys can go FOREVER.

Right now, at this very moment, is your one and only chance to see what you're truly capable of.

Don't give that up for a 6 month relationship with a girl giving out ultimatums. Even if she softens on her stance and you come to a compromise, she'll never be fully supportive and it's going to lead to a lot of stress in the future.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

No one has pointed out that the title doesn't match the decision the OP has to make.

I say you keep running. Ultimatums are no good.

Break up.

I would give that advice even if you were looking for an excuse to quit running.

Ultimatums are ulhealthy for relationships.

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have a gf that I have dated for 2 years and things have gone well. However, I am a semi-pro runner who has aspirations to be able to go pro one day and support myself through running.

Even I wouldn't give up running, and I'm a no-namer who never ran a sub 16 5K.

Today, it's going to be running that you'll have to give up. Next month, it's going to be biking, rock climbing, motorcycles, or whatever else you love that replaced running. Next year, your purchases will be restricted. You can't buy that fancy tech gadget, but you need to buy her something that you have no interest in, like an overpriced handbag. Then it'll be your friends that she'll be after. No more hanging around with your college buddies or co-workers on evenings and weekends.

Stand firm and hold your ground. You give her an inch, she'll take a foot. You give her a foot, she'll take a yard. You give her a yard, she'll take the whole damn mile.

Relationships can be great, especially if you love your significant other. However, you can only compromise so much, especially when other person can’t accept some things about you or criticises you, such as you with running (my wife also thinks I’m obsessed, even though I run max 50 mpw). Do what YOU want while you’re still young and have the drive to do the things YOU want to do. Break up with her and move on.

not treading the thread and feeding the troll I say

she does not buy into your dream of supporting both of you by being a pro runner, She is saying grow the fluckup get a real job with a future if you have not made it yet you aint gonna make enough money to fuel an adult lifestyle

Somewhere out there, there is a woman just like her who would love to be with an elite athlete. Go out there and train hard to get her attention.

wineturtle wrote:

She is saying grow the fluckup get a real job with a future if you have not made it yet you aint gonna make enough money to fuel an adult lifestyle

It is possible to work full time and maximize your potential in running, but you'd have to give up everything else.

The keys would be living close to work and choosing a job or career path that doesn't demand more than 45 hours a week. Every single bit of your time will be spent working, training, sleeping, or doing chores. That's it. No social life, no other hobbies, and no Netflix or any other distractions.

Not sustainable in the long term, but this can be done for a few years to see what your running potential is without jeopardizing your career.

Cut her loose....

Ladies? wrote:

Have you attempted to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend? Calling it quits without trying to find a balance is taking the easy way out.

She has already called it quits. This is not up to the OP anymore.

My .02

I think a little bit of self-reflection is in order before you make any decision. Has your running obsession caused you to be a bad partner to your girlfriend? You've been together for 2 years, so there are obviously things about you that she loves/loved. Has your self-described obsession with running made a significant dent in those qualities? Has your obsession caused you to not be as loving and attentive to her as you were during the first 1.5 years of your relationship? You say you have a job and then spend 20 hours working out each week, and then mostly talk about running...have you become one-dimensional? If so, the withdrawal of sex could simply be her reaction to her daily interactions with you - if they weren't good, why would she want to have sex with you?

The reason I ask these questions is to try to re-frame things to get you to see it from her perspective. My guess is that she is not anti-running, or against you pursuing your passion. She is probably making one desperate plea to you to be and do the (variety of) things that made her love you in the first place. You can love running and pursue it in a way that maximizes your potential while still being a multi-dimensional human being and partner.

If I were you, I would take the time to decide, absent the ultimatum, whether you still want to be with her. If you do, you should acknowledge to her how you have been different over the past 6 months and highlight the ways you plan to be a better partner while still pursuing running. Set the expectation of more honest and open communication in the future about behavior and sex such that resentment doesn't build on either side. This could be a crucial moment that allows your relationship to grow for the future. Or it could show both of you that your futures are not compatible and you can both move on.

Don't cave into women's demands for attention like this. Imagine how much worse things could get if you two get married, and she has to deal with worse things than her husband's running obsession.

If she really loves you, she would support your running all the way. Life is not all about herself.

Giving up running to be with her might work in the short term, but eventually you'll resent her for it and that'll poison the relationship. When she comes back, sit down and have a serious conversation. Someone who truly cares about you won't make you give up your passion. See if there's a workaround that allows you to still train at the same effort without completely marginalizing her.

Re-reading the OP, it sounds like the time he spends training isn't the issue. I think it sounds like all he can talk or think about is running.

This is about her ego. She wants to feel that she is more important to you than running. The fact that she gave you this ultimatum shows how important you and your goals are to her. Easy decision.