Need advice......My wife has asked for a divorce after 8 years & we have 2 Kids

Pics of the wife?

My advice is do whatever you can to not get a divorce. Even once you think you've tried everything keep trying. You are about to ruin your kids lives. Are you sure it is worth it?

justanotherstatistic wrote:

I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk,

There's your problem.

Stop trying to please women.

They don't want it, they won't reward you for it, and they will inevitably leave you for a "jerk" who understands this about women.

You need to speak w/ a lawyer ASAP. I have no idea what you laws regarding divorce, custody, and moving out of state are in CO, but if you do not either, you need to figure that out yesterday. The truth is whether you "let her" or not, you may not have any choice in whether she takes your kids and moves out of state or not. If you and she cannot agree a judge will make that decision.

Get a good lawyer and fight her or you'll regret it later. She needs to get a real job and stop being a parasite.

high school counselor wrote:

My advice is do whatever you can to not get a divorce. Even once you think you've tried everything keep trying. You are about to ruin your kids lives. Are you sure it is worth it?

The problem with this is that once a woman makes up her mind, in an overwhelming majority of times, there is no turning back. He's made the changes she asked him to make and she still isn't happy. Can he do more? Probably. Can she do more? Probably. Maybe they have just grown apart. Who knows.

Even though he brought up running again and being out of the house more, it's total crap from her. I say this because if he wasn't out running and was at home more, she'd complain that he is always around. I'd bet if he said to her "I'll give up running and be home more with the kids" she'd say something like "It's not that". Once you get kids involved, it changes everything.

My own thinking is that she got what she THINKS she wanted (marriage and kids) because that is what "society" has conditioned people to believe is happiness. She is now miserable because she is a stay-at-home mom, who lives away from family (and presumably friends) so she is homesick. She sees you going out and running as you neglecting your "house/dad" duties and feels like she can't ever get away from it, so this is her answer. She can pawn the kids off on grand-parents/other family and go out.

You need to talk to her and a counselor. Be willing to drop running and be willing to give up your job to move back to where she is from. This is the only way that you will save the marriage.

Give the attorneys at Cordell & Cordell a call. They protect the rights of men like you.

If the kids are in elementary school, do everything you can to try to convince your wife to stay in CO. Divorce is really hard on little kids. Combining divorce with a move can really do a lot of unnecessary damage. Toddlers and babies have no clue what is going on and a move is not as big a deal. My mom moved me and my sister when I was seven after an acrimonious divorce from my father. I am certain I would have had a more stable and healthy childhood if I did not have to move. My mother wanted a fresh start in a warmer climate. Ironically, after remarrying, she ended up following my step father back north and lives a few hours from where we used to live.

Also, as noted above, get a lawyer. There are lots of alternatives to formal divorce proceedings out there that make things work smoothly. But you need something formal and enforceable between you and your soon to be ex. Custody and visitation need to be hammered out with clarity. You may be able to convince her to say in CO in exchange for better financial support.

Avoid getting lawyers involved if at all possible. They will suck the money right out of you and prolong everything. Is Colorado a community property state? That is a big factor. Do they have an online state child support calculator like CA does? You can still negotiate it but it will give you an idea of what she may ask for. Since you are the main breadwinner, even if the kids are split 50/50 you will pay her child support since your income is $60,000 a year more than her. If she gets a well paying enough job, the child support will go away. You can't force her to work but if she refuses, you can argue imputed income (what she could make working full time based on her education and experience), and if you win the child support and any alimony is reduced accordingly. Alimony is fully negotiable too. Try to negotiate it out amicably. Don't let her take the kids out of state if you don't want her to. If she forces the issue you may have no choice but to get an attorney. If she gets an attorney you will have to. Only divorce if you know it's over. From what you said, sounds like it is. Good luck.

If you had asked her father for permission to marry her, this never would have happened.

At some point she will realize this was a dumb move. No one wants to date a 29 yo mom with 2 kids, no job, and no prospects. Slim pickings out there and she will be scraping the bottom of the barrel for sure.

I was going to say do everything you can to salvage the marriage (because that's what you both promised you'd do when you took your vows, "growing apart" notwithstanding) but, frankly, anyone who would propose taking their little kids away from their father to another state without a damn good reason ("I want to be closer to my own mommy and daddy" does not qualify) is not marriage material.

logic less wrote:

At some point she will realize this was a dumb move. No one wants to date a 29 yo mom with 2 kids, no job, and no prospects. Slim pickings out there and she will be scraping the bottom of the barrel for sure.

+1

I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting him. Let us know what you think of his neck tattoo and cigarette behind the ear.

My perspective: 3 months is a very short time in an 8-year marriage. Do you love her? Does she love you? “Growing apart” happens; what you do about it is up to the two of you. Marriage is work; a long marriage is a cr$pload of work.

I’ve been married for over 20 years. I’ve seen a divorce attorney twice, both times because we’d “grown apart,” except the couch-loving partner in my scenario was my husband. Same as you, no infidelities, no domestic disputes. No kids, even, and two successful careers, plus no ill will, so it wouldn’t have been messy.

We did separate for a few months 2 years ago which I think is what saved our marriage. It turned out we really missed each other, in very heartfelt ways, not the domestic whose-turn-is-it-to-pick-up-the-dry-cleaning ways. We started talking again. We sat down and made actual lists of what each was expecting/wishing for in the other person, pros and cons, etc. We got at what’s important.

Not every marriage that “feels” over is over. After a few years, you may have settled into routines, got careless with the effort a relationship takes, and a clean break seems like a good idea. In my case, I got restless; a divorce would’ve been easy and we both would’ve moved on easily too: we’re both attractive, independent, and successful. Your wife might be restless too: she’s younger than I was when I got the itch for “greener pastures,” plus she’s been raising two small kids. I imagine that makes you want to reinvent yourself at some point. The thing is, you can reinvent yourself without abandoning the person you’d decided to spend your life with in the first place.

If all it is is feeling like you’re stuck in a rut and picture your free time differently, it’s worth some time apart and taking a second look. My husband doesn’t run or geek out like I do and I have zero interest in golf and TV. But we decided that this is mostly fluff. What matters is respecting each other’s integrity, sense of humor, and how each of us contributes differently to the team that has accomplished so much together. We’ve each made changes. I’ve diverted some miles and my husband some TV hours to kayaking and tennis and other things we both enjoy. I’m glad we did because I had almost given up a man who after 20 years I can still say is the best man I’ve ever known.

Take time apart before you call it quits and get some distance so the two of you can take a hard, honest look at where you are without recent hurt and resentment coloring the picture. If you do decide it’s not worth it, be sure you’ve really given it a chance.

sorry dude, what a bummer. She is going to put you into the poor house. She is going to alienate you from the kids your friends, neighbors etc. The court will always side with the mother and the children and she will return to court countless times to modify the judgement. She owns half of everything...period and she will get more than half. You cannot "agree" to anything, the court will decide and you can agree to that, you won't have a choice. I guarantee the wording the opposing attorney will use is going to put you thru the roof "protection order" She wants those kids away from a "abusive, unresponsive" father. Divorce gets ugly, be proactive, be offensive first. Attorneys make more $$ as this thing drags out and some will drag it out. The retainer fee is just a estimate and you will far exceed the retainer until you have to cut your losses and agree to her BS.

Running is therapy, start do Ultra training

justanotherstatistic wrote:

Neither of us have ever cheated

lol. whatever helps you sleep at night.

seriously though, you sound like a good dude that mostly has his sh1t together. lawyer up and get the best possible outcome for yourself and the kids. screw her, she's made her decision.

it sounds as though she's become accustomed to taking advantage of you good nature so its best to let a pro handle your affairs.

OP, you are screwed financially. Not only will you have to pay child support, but her lawyer will fight for alimony also.

Your $85,000 per year has now become $30,000. You think her lawyer is going to agree to what you offered? Hope you don't get a female judge re the kids.

You are also screwed in family/divorce court if she has never "been on her feet" before.

Her girlfriends will be giving her mucho advice that you are screwing her.

NEVER EVER let your wife give up work....if she ever did.

This is going to cost you way more than you think. Becoming a cuckold would be way cheaper.........seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Sorry man, that sucks.

I would still try a marriage councilor first. But of course if she doesn't want to, you can't do it alone.

justanotherstatistic wrote:

Everything we own is in my name

No it isn't. You're about to find this out very quickly.