First Holiday Season with In Laws Was Awful

Everyone in the story sounds like a twat, you included. Congrats.

There's literally nothing positive in this situation... family hates you, she threatened to leave if you defended yourself, etc... Trust me, family's bust each other's balls all the time - it's what makes it fun and, depending on the situation, tolerable... but there was no fun in this. They ganged up and attacked you, you reacted and called one fat and one ugly... and then when you vented to your wife, she said she'd leave you if you ever got physical with them.

Sorry, bro. Cut ties and run... it's not a shock to me that this is her second marriage... I can only assume husband #1 cheated and ran away because of similar reasons.

families*... those mistakes are almost as terrible as this woman's family sounds.

Twats all around wrote:

Everyone in the story sounds like a twat, you included. Congrats.

+1

They don't like you.

Now we don't like you either.

You only have to deal with them on holidays and if you escalate it to a physical fight, it would not be completely unreasonable for her to leave you.

The fight probably wouldn't go well for you, Girly Man.

Frustrated Husband wrote:

My wife said how we don’t live with her family and just have to deal with them on the holidays. But when in my anger I said how I wanted to slap her sister’s husband, she said if I ever reacted violently, she’d leave me.

your wife is 100% right on this one, and sounds like a keeper.

you need to change. just have a few beers, relax, and enjoy the show. if they crack a joke, come back with something funny. "when I first met you I though you were gay." instead of getting insulted, your response should have been "ha! if you thought that was bad, you should see me in my makeup and wig" and then ask them for another girly man.

roll with the punches and practice relentless kindness, and don't be adversarial. most importantly, recognize that the time you spend with them will be very limited and will soon be over and that they are indeed now a part of your family and you should accept them as such, and let it all just slide. don't allow yourself to get caught up in drama, unless your wife needs you to and is looking for support.

also, recognize that everything you've described is extremely mild as far as family interaction goes, and the fact that you have such a problem with, so much that you are starting to question the marriage, is a huge red flag within yourself and that *YOU* are at fault here and *YOU* need to change.

godspeed.

Her family sounds like a bunch of idiots. That being said, you all are behaving like you are 16, not 31. Learn to go with the flow and not get your hackles up over the ramblings of idiots.

Frustrated Husband wrote:

Hoping this thread will help me vent and be therapeutic.

This is probably the last place in the world you should come for any form of therapy unless your therapy includes being trolled by half-wits.

But why don't you just spend the holidays with your family or start new traditions with your wife that don't include the in-laws or severely limit the time you have to spend with them?

There are other solutions. It's not just "stay and be ridiculed" or "divorce."

Also: her family has already been through a horrific experience with her former spouse. You're a few months into the marriage. I'm sure her family still harbors some resentment against her former spouse and they are misdirecting their frustration as skepticism towards you and giving you a hard time. Take some jabs like a champ, empathize a little with them, and in a few years, it will be fine. It's not going to be like this forever.

joedirt wrote:

That being said, you all are behaving like you are 16, not 31. Learn to go with the flow and not get your hackles up over the ramblings of idiots.

this. right here. op sounds like another victim of over parenting and coddling, never having been allowed to resolve his own conflicts or develop any sort of resiliency. sorry op :(.

aoxomoxoa wrote:

Frustrated Husband wrote:

Hoping this thread will help me vent and be therapeutic.

This is probably the last place in the world you should come for any form of therapy unless your therapy includes being trolled by half-wits.

I feel like he's getting some pretty good advice, yours included.

Frustrated Husband wrote:

I’m just telling her sister’s husband how even in the winter I take cold showers for muscle recovery.

This does absolutely nothing - you've been taking cold showers for no reason. What an idiot.

Frustrated Husband wrote:

That night at dinner her husband went to attack. First he tells me how when he first met me, he thought I was gay.

This speaks volumes. Also, I don't think you need a comma there at the end between me and he. Or do you? Comma rules are confusing to me.

Avoid them on the holidays. Plus every other day.

Thank you all for both for your advice and criticism. Maffeboner, has a lot of good points. I do need to relax and roll with the punches. My wife said that also. And I know that my mom is overprotective.

This was also my first holiday season after my dad died and my thoughts have often drifted towards him making the adjustment to marriage more difficult.

To whoever said that I don’t need to chose between being belittled or running away, I also think that’s solid advice.

I do wonder now though if its time for us to have a child. Maybe I need to feel more adjusted into the family, mentally and financially before we do that. My wife stopped taking the pill the other day and does want to be a mom soon. I know she’s going to be an incredible mother, but maybe doesn’t have to become one in 2019.

God bless the friends and the trolls here.

As jesseriley said: avoid them on holidays. and try to have a lot more holidays.

Frustrated Husband wrote:

I know she’s going to be an incredible mother, .

You really think so?

You didn’t meet this crazy family before you were married??? It’s clear this is the reason her first marriage failed, as her family seems to be a mixture of uneducated degenerates and non marketable degree holders without any livable income and subscribe to idiotic movements like veganism- sister is probably overweight ya?

I meet every one of my gfs family members, and guess what. Up until know they have all been disfunctional families-that is a learned trait that will be passed onto your family if you continue in this relationship. No husband or spouse should threaten to leave the other- who does that??? Childish people.

Onto you- I would refrain from insulting the family as you don’t seem to have the patience you might claim to have. Just take it in, defend yourself, but at all costs do not fire back. This will only escalate things and lead to your marriage failing. Be the bigger man, have some respect for yourself even if others do not. Let them die of congestive heart failure at 48, you’ll get the last laugh.

Sorry to say this, but I find your wife to be the most troubling part of all of this. My family can be difficult. If they ever made my wife feel bad during a get together, I would pack our things and we would leave without a moment of hesitation. This wouldn’t even be a difficult decision to make.

I just can’t imagine prioritizing a sibling over a spouse.

Frustrated Husband wrote:We’re all eating lunch and I’m just telling her sister’s husband how even in the winter I take cold showers for muscle recovery. Her sister who is unemployed but studied biology gives no scientific argument and just says “that’s stupid.”

She's right.