seeking advice re: NYE party drama

He's siding with her because he doesn't want it coming back on him that he really doesn't give a sh*t. If he conveys this "doesn't really care" feeling to you, and his gf finds out he had this attitude, she'll be pissed at him, so he's trying to avoid that confrontation.

Why he didn't just say "Look man, I don't really care but (her name) is pretty pissed so you need to call her and apologize", I don't know. My guess would be that she was probably in the room with him or next to him when you two were talking about this...

Not A Therapist... wrote:

He's siding with her because he doesn't want it coming back on him that he really doesn't give a sh*t. If he conveys this "doesn't really care" feeling to you, and his gf finds out he had this attitude, she'll be pissed at him, so he's trying to avoid that confrontation.

Why he didn't just say "Look man, I don't really care but (her name) is pretty pissed so you need to call her and apologize", I don't know. My guess would be that she was probably in the room with him or next to him when you two were talking about this...

I figured...but that puts me in an awkward spot. I feel like our friendship is tainted. Debating whether an apology is in order, or ignore and move on with life.

Just ignore both of them, dude. Don't call his gf, don't do anything. He's not a true friend if he's treating you like that. Instead, put your effort into getting back in touch with the girl from the party.

This thread is useless without pics of the gf.

What?! She's mad at you anyways, why not post some pics of her for us to look at?! Ooooh, she is going to get more mad at you? Darn.

I would just apologize to your friend and girlfriend just to get that crap out of the way, put the friendship on the back burner for awhile because it sounds like a ridiculous overreaction, and then get in contact with the one girl you were chatting with. End of saga.

This isn't really advice but if the door to the room is open. it's fair game. tell your friend to learn the rules of hosting.

yikes. wrote:

This isn't really advice but if the door to the room is open. it's fair game. tell your friend to learn the rules of hosting.

Right - technically it's a "loft" apartment so there are only doors for bathrooms. So I told him I didn't know the "boundaries" of his apartment, and he fired back and said it should have been clear to me.

Geesh man. To me it would be no big deal if a couple laid in my bed - or did whatever there, especially during a party. Just change the sheets. Your bro's gf sounds irrational. I'd look at going to a party elsewhere next time.

Wolf's Bane wrote:

Your bro's gf sounds irrational..

That's a given, and I can overlook/accept that. Where it gets interesting is my friend's reaction/tone to me.

Instead of saying "look man, my gf's upset. It would mean a lot to me if you apologized" - he's like "you were very disrespectful. I expected more from you. There's no excuse for this. Now apologize to my girlfriend. And don't do it via email. Call her. Here's her number."

His reaction is what put me over the edge. Now I feel like not apologizing and moving on.

My first thought is it’s disgusting to be in someone else’s bed or for others to be in my bed.

Then I realized you seem to feel awfully comfortable in your “friends” bed.

I think you’re jealous of his new gf and miss the nights you used to share alone with him. Go find a new guy on Grindr and cut out the drama.

Not that theres anything wrong with that wrote:

My first thought is it’s disgusting to be in someone else’s bed or for others to be in my bed.

Then I realized you seem to feel awfully comfortable in your “friends” bed.

I think you’re jealous of his new gf and miss the nights you used to share alone with him. Go find a new guy on Grindr and cut out the drama.

We weren't "in the bed" we were "on the bed" - sitting on top of the comforter

Your friend and his gf sound like drama queens you don't need that in your life. Don't do anything else, move on with your life.

Not A Therapist... wrote:

He's siding with her because he doesn't want it coming back on him that he really doesn't give a sh*t. If he conveys this "doesn't really care" feeling to you, and his gf finds out he had this attitude, she'll be pissed at him, so he's trying to avoid that confrontation.

Why he didn't just say "Look man, I don't really care but (her name) is pretty pissed so you need to call her and apologize", I don't know. My guess would be that she was probably in the room with him or next to him when you two were talking about this...

Because your first paragraph is wrong. Dudes obviously being a btch about the situation.

Ignore them both, if he's blowing up that much he's not a real friend of yours.

Now, how did things end up with this girl? Are you still talking to her?

Ignore them both wrote:

Ignore them both, if he's blowing up that much he's not a real friend of yours.

Now, how did things end up with this girl? Are you still talking to her?

Yup, got her number and hanging out this weekend.

Just say to her:

I apologize .... that you're such a beeatch.

I would apologize, but subtly shade. That's mandatory. In the true north that's how we do it. And then ignore them.

not rudisha wrote:

Wolf's Bane wrote:

Your bro's gf sounds irrational..

That's a given, and I can overlook/accept that. Where it gets interesting is my friend's reaction/tone to me.

Instead of saying "look man, my gf's upset. It would mean a lot to me if you apologized" - he's like "you were very disrespectful. I expected more from you. There's no excuse for this. Now apologize to my girlfriend. And don't do it via email. Call her. Here's her number."

His reaction is what put me over the edge. Now I feel like not apologizing and moving on.

A few years ago, what I thought was a minor incident with my brother turned into a huge blow-up and things have not been the same since. It was related to a perceived slight experienced by his fiance/now wife that he communicated with me. I thought it was an overreaction on their part and tried to calm the situation, but he kept coming down hard on me and demanded an apology. Eventually, I lost my cool as well and things went down the tubes from there.

Basically, your friend is taking up arms with your girlfriend and putting her feelings as a priority over your friendship. She probably just doesn't like you and that contributed to the overall reaction. He's willing to sacrifice your friendship to make sure his girlfriend feels good. I guess the question is what it's worth to you to play their game.

This story doesn't sound true to me. Nobody is "distraught for days" about seeing a couple lying on top of their bed, especially if this offended person is living with a dude that she is not married to.

What is this, Goldilocks and the Three Bears?