All couples argue and occasionally fight, but I'm wondering what is "normal" and/or healthy. I think some amount of arguing is very healthy and even occasional fights do not indicate dysfunction.
I'm wondering because I just broke up with my girlfriend because it seemed like we had fights way too often, and there really wasn't anything in between fine and fighting. We never really argued. It was either things were fine or they were really bad. I ended the relationship because my girlfriend would get very angry, livid or irate even, over things that almost seemed random to me, and when she got into this state, all she could see was red, and it was completely impossible to have any form of productive communication. She wasn't violent, but she would yell at me, twist my words, catastrophize, accuse me of lying, "not getting it," etc, and there was literally nothing I could ever do or say to make things better, calm her down, or really even communicate my thoughts because she was so consumed by her own anger. It got to where when something like this would happen, we basically just couldn't interact or communicate for 1-3 days. This wouldn't be too much of a problem if it only happened rarely, but it was happening once a week or every two weeks, so we basically could not interact or communicate at all 20-30% of the time because of how angry she was.
Even though I actually do really care about her and think she is wonderful in a lot of ways, her anger made me think and feel like the relationship was unsustainable, and it made me think the idea of ever doing a trip with her or something similar would almost be out of the question because I don't see how we could even get from point A to point B (let alone enjoy it) if she was in one of these angry states. It made me feel like I'd have to worry any time we visited people, planned something, etc, and it even made me feel kind of uncomfortable around her because of how seemingly random her mood swings were a lot of the time. I know women are emotional and have cycles, but this was much more intense than anything I've experienced before. I do wonder if maybe I bailed out too early though or that maybe this could be fixed somewhat. She is 31 though, so it's not like she hasn't had time to address this...
How often do you fight or argue? What is normal? What is healthy?