Look at the bright side wrote:
CCB wrote:
Four years later he is a heavy pot smoker, possibly also sells pot. His .
Look at the bright side. You raised a entrepreneur. That is what this country was founded on.
Owning or operating a pot store does not qualify you as an entrepreneur. Small business owner, yes, nothing beyond that though.
I am not saying it is your fault or the fault of someone in your family. I realize that it is his fault.
How does one become "a heavy pot smoker" by age 15? That blows my mind. At 15 years old, there is so much to live for and so much to do and look forward to in America, without ever going down this road at all. At age 15 you have so many great experiences laid at your feet: new friends at school (because you are in a NEW SCHOOL), new girls to meet, sports at a higher level than ever before. You have more freedom to pursue fun, because you get out earlier in the day. In one year you will be old enough to get a job and make some of your own money. The sky is the limit when you are 15.
Why throw the chance at all of this away to heavily smoke pot?
I have purposely avoided smoking anything at every age specifically for this reason. However, if I had smoked heavily before 15 it would have killed me.
I am sorry he is putting you through this. It sounds awful.
The ghost of Pat Davey wrote:
Look at the bright side wrote:
Look at the bright side. You raised a entrepreneur. That is what this country was founded on.
Owning or operating a pot store does not qualify you as an entrepreneur. Small business owner, yes, nothing beyond that though.
According the the dictionary, you're wrong.
Joining this party late...
He was a dedicated young runner and swimmer? How good was he? Consistent winner? Middling talent? Hard working back-of-the pack guy? More importantly, how did you support him as a father? Pressure to improve kind of dad or "I'm proud of what you're doing!" sort of dad?
The reason that I ask is that he may be having self-esteem or depression issues. Being an high achiever in sports or the classroom can put a lot of pressure on kids that lack the emotional maturity to deal with stress. This intensifies even if you applied positive pressure/affirmation. They "rebel" by removing themselves from the situation causing the stress and replace it with activities that have little or no need to keep score. Video games, watching YouTube for hours, social media, reading alone, partying, boozing, weed, etc. are all hobbies that require little effort and don't have a formal performance metric.
Get him some mental health counseling.
I'd bribe him with weed in exchange for decent grades.
The Overexplainer wrote:
I am not saying it is your fault or the fault of someone in your family. I realize that it is his fault.
How does one become "a heavy pot smoker" by age 15? That blows my mind. At 15 years old, there is so much to live for and so much to do and look forward to in America, without ever going down this road at all. At age 15 you have so many great experiences laid at your feet: new friends at school (because you are in a NEW SCHOOL), new girls to meet, sports at a higher level than ever before. You have more freedom to pursue fun, because you get out earlier in the day. In one year you will be old enough to get a job and make some of your own money. The sky is the limit when you are 15.
Why throw the chance at all of this away to heavily smoke pot?
I have purposely avoided smoking anything at every age specifically for this reason. However, if I had smoked heavily before 15 it would have killed me.
I am sorry he is putting you through this. It sounds awful.
While I agree being a huge pot head at 15 isn't a great idea, smoking weed isn't going to deter you from meeting girls - most likely it will enhance your prospects.
You suck!
Wants to help wrote:
I have taught kids in the age range of 12-15 years.
The drug use and the loss of interest in things that used to interest him are classic signs of depression or mental illness. Trying to solve anything without getting to that taproot first will not be productive.
Strict discipline won't work. He will rebel. You can't strap him to a bed at 15.
Be firm, caring, and supportive. Offer him a choice of mental health treatments (talk therapy, a retreat, a group home, etc.) and see what he would like most. Give him some choice and see if he will take it. If not, you may need to make the choice for him, or have a counselor make a recommendation.
Pursue the mental health angle, and the discipline will follow.
Also, assuming you did the basics as a parent, this is not your fault. Sometimes kids are born with brains that just aren't meant for being a teenager in the 21st century.
+1 Therapy isn't a panacea, but it definitely can help. Check around to get some recommendations for a good child therapist. If you have decent insurance, it is pretty affordable.
This is not to say that you can't also have reasonable rules in your house, and that you can't also structure time with your son in situations where you can reestablish a stronger relationship.
At any rate, therapy worked for my son. High school was tough, but he's in grad school now and seems to be thriving.
Good luck
The Overexplainer wrote:
I am not saying it is your fault or the fault of someone in your family. I realize that it is his fault.
How does one become "a heavy pot smoker" by age 15? That blows my mind. At 15 years old, there is so much to live for and so much to do and look forward to in America, without ever going down this road at all. At age 15 you have so many great experiences laid at your feet: new friends at school (because you are in a NEW SCHOOL), new girls to meet, sports at a higher level than ever before. You have more freedom to pursue fun, because you get out earlier in the day. In one year you will be old enough to get a job and make some of your own money. The sky is the limit when you are 15.
Why throw the chance at all of this away to heavily smoke pot?
I have purposely avoided smoking anything at every age specifically for this reason. However, if I had smoked heavily before 15 it would have killed me.
I am sorry he is putting you through this. It sounds awful.
Obviously, for a multitude of reasons, not all of us were able to see the bright, shiny opportunities of your optimistic 15 yo scenario.
Hopefully this will help the OP. My older brother was a heavy pot smoker at age 15. To the point of mostly D's and F's through his freshman and sophomore years in HS. Actually he appeared to be a lot like your son; a rebellious, troublemaker who had it all figured out, regardless of parental or sibling input. Of course we all realize, as adults, that nothing could have been further from the truth, but at the time...
I don't remember there being a lot of discipline in our household after we turned 13 but too much before that. By his Jr. year and on his own volition he decided to join the cross country team (really he was the reason I started running), quit smoking pot and applied himself in school the last 2 years. While his comeback was too late for college, he did join the military at 17 years old, retired 30 years later, and today is a well put together, albeit, back to heavy pot smoking, empty nest Dad who is quite fun to be around.
You should let your son read this thread, both before and after getting high and see what he thinks.
Good times are killing me wrote:
The ghost of Pat Davey wrote:
Owning or operating a pot store does not qualify you as an entrepreneur. Small business owner, yes, nothing beyond that though.
According the the dictionary, you're wrong.
Here:
Dictionary
en·tre·pre·neur
/ˌäntrəprəˈnər/
noun
noun: entrepreneur; plural noun: entrepreneurs
a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.
synonyms: businessman/businesswoman, enterpriser, speculator, tycoon, magnate, mogul; More
dealer, trader, dealmaker;
promoter, impresario;
informalwheeler-dealer, whiz kid, mover and shaker, go-getter, high flyer, hustler, idea man/person
"a newsletter for young entrepreneurs"
a promoter in the entertainment industry.
Would you consider that it would require "taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to" open a pot store?
I have no dog in this fight, but I would not think so.
Surprise! wrote:
While I agree being a huge pot head at 15 isn't a great idea, smoking weed isn't going to deter you from meeting girls - most likely it will enhance your prospects.
I was more referring to the idea of pot smoking as a lifestyle damaging every part of your life. The point is that at 15 you should not have so much weight on your soul that you feel you need to be in an altered state every day, which is what "a heavy pot smoker" means to me. Also referring to the damage that it apparently has done to his athletic activities.
If you need to smoke up that much at 15, what chance will you have and how will you cope at 25 or 35 or 45? That is what I was getting at. I don't expect all the tokers on here to feel the same way.
The ghost of Pat Davey wrote:
Good times are killing me wrote:
According the the dictionary, you're wrong.
Here:
Dictionary
en·tre·pre·neur
/ˌäntrəprəˈnər/
noun
noun: entrepreneur; plural noun: entrepreneurs
a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.
synonyms: businessman/businesswoman, enterpriser, speculator, tycoon, magnate, mogul; More
dealer, trader, dealmaker;
promoter, impresario;
informalwheeler-dealer, whiz kid, mover and shaker, go-getter, high flyer, hustler, idea man/person
"a newsletter for young entrepreneurs"
a promoter in the entertainment industry.
Would you consider that it would require "taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to" open a pot store?
I have no dog in this fight, but I would not think so.
I would say that he would be taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so. Of course if his dad is paying for it then of course not.
CCB wrote:
A few things to add:
I am the kid’s mom.
You had me going... But this put your troll post over the top. There’s only been one verified female poster on these boards and she’s MIA.
Good troll post though. You hits topic these losers relate to and really got them going. Well done.
In my area, parents think their children are totally disgraceful failures when they get 1 B instead of straight A's, don't get into an Ivy League school, don't want to become a doctor or lawyer, choose to major in history instead of engineering, and all that crap.
Those delusional parents should read this thread.
The real deal wrote:
In my area, parents think their children are totally disgraceful failures when they get 1 B instead of straight A's, don't get into an Ivy League school, don't want to become a doctor or lawyer, choose to major in history instead of engineering, and all that crap.
Those delusional parents should read this thread.
I agree with this sentiment and observation. The most successful people are those who can fail at things and move on without it upsetting their lives. Being afraid of failure and under performing is tantamount to living with a noose around your neck. Better to endeavor earnestly and fail than to sit by in apathy wondering 'what if'. And the quest for adulation eventually becomes a need preventing the attainment of self realization/fulfillment in life. Look at all the miserable doctors and lawyers in this world.
The best advice: Work hard at things you think you want. Celebrate your successes and failures. If you're unhappy, move on. Keep trying and growing.
Hello,
As someone who did the exact thing your son is doing to their loving parents let me share my experience.
First reflect upon yourselves, children only do what they see and hear. Is there something in the household that is causing your son to gather resentment?
For me it was financial, emotional, and psychological issues in my upper middle class house. I fell out of touch with God after being very devoted at 13-14 years old. This caused me to harbor deep resentment which resulted in rampant drug and alcohol abuse.
Second does your child have values that he was raised with? I was raised in an extremely strict
Catholic household. No TV, no cell phones, and no girlfriends in the house until I was 18. These values stuck with me. I want to give you hope because I actually made something of myself and got clean and sober.
Lastly are you spiritually in touch? I dont want to push any doctrine as that is against my own beliefs. Time and time again when I am down my parents and friends only go so far and I pick up my prayers and get closer to God. I encourage you to please please help your son become spiritually sound before you tackle the behavioral problems. I dont feel that going to church is the solution, rather acting as a family unit for the best is the better avenue. Daily prayer, or daily spirituality, routines in being grateful are all healthy.
Your son sounds like a good kid but he is resenting something and let me tell you that is the seed for addiction. Blessings to you and your family.
Update:
Tonight my husband found a quart sized ziploc bag packed full of weed, a small electric scale, a 20 ounce bottle of malt liquor. He has always denied drinking and has claimed weed is all he does.
Is the consensus that he is selling?
How much is that much weed worth?
Son denies he is selling, but admits smoking multiple times a day.
We have put the situation on the back burner and focused on spending more time with him, getting him interested in a new activity (skiing), talking to him about the choices he is making, and how they will impact his life.
Now tonight we found this. It is one thing to know he smokes but to have solid evidence he is selling is another thing.
We are going to require that he see a counselor...he says he won’t go so I don’t know how we will enforce that.
What else can we do?
Did anyone send their teen to a rehab program and have any success?
Can we involuntarily check him in for pot addiction or does he have to agree with it?
Do we ride this out and let him deal with the consequences if he is caught selling?
We have two other kids (younger) in the house.
Don’t listen to this lunatic.
His parents convinced him “God” controls everything, when he briefly realized he doesn’t exist- he got sad cause his entire life has been a lie.
Teach your son that he is the ruler and controller of his life. It goes far beyond the age of 15 and is full of much much more exciting experiences than getting a little high. Carpe diem
CCB wrote:
I don’t need comments on how I suck or have failed as I parent, but looking for those who have been down this road and can offer advice / hope.
My son has been on a slow downward spiral since 6th grade. Up to 6th grade he was a dedicated swimmer and runner. He had an amazing work ethic. Would set goals and work hard to achieve them. School was never a big strength although he qualified and was in our school district’s gifted program.
Four years later he is a heavy pot smoker, possibly also sells pot. His grades are horrible. Failed two classes last year and currently is failing 3 classes. Skips classes frequently. Grounding him / taking away things makes no difference. Doesn’t see the importance of doing well in school and has no plans to go to college. His career aspiration is to open a pot shop.
Feel helplesss and realize I have failed as a parent. If you have experience with this would appreciate a dvice.
maybe smoke a J with him and talk about this with him in a non-judgemental way. just tell ur concerns. if he wants to smoke weed u prob wont stop him hes gonna but say how ud like for him to start doin better in school and have a good backup plan incase the weed business doesnt work out.
Has he discovered püssy yet?