Advice: 15 Year old son’s downward spiral

Sign him up for some gardening classes with a bunch of old people.

CCB wrote:

Four years later he is a heavy pot smoker, possibly also sells pot. His .

Look at the bright side. You raised a entrepreneur. That is what this country was founded on.

military school

Cant afford military school. Lower middle class.

CCB wrote:If you have experience with this would appreciate advice.

I had this exact same experience when my son was that age, about 12 years ago now. Unfortunately my experience didn’t end well, so my advice may be of limited value. I can tell you in hindsight what I would do differently if I had another chance. There was an awful lot of conflict between us, and I regret that. We fought a lot to no particular purpose over things that turned out not to matter so much. I think in part he needed better examples from his mom and dad, and in part he had some powerful internal struggles that really needed professional intervention for evaluation and advice.

Good luck to you and your son, you only get one try, there are no practice runs.

I'm interested in a little bud... do you think your son can help me out? It's my birthday today.

My son never had the level of initial drive that your son had, but otherwise the situations are generally similar. I suspect that your hurts more because the change is harder to take in terms of what your hopes and plans were. It is hard to not be able to have much effect on your son, especially with the constraints of ordinary life (we are older and have accumulated more assets which helps some, but also makes us more 'distant' from him). Understanding that you are not failures as parents from this is important, possibly more important than most other things, otherwise it is hard to keep an even keel and judging when to push back and when guide more and when to let them play out their life. The 'not caring about school' is a common mantra; of course it is also convenient because it takes work and my son would prefer not to be bothered by such things. I can start to see him a bit worried about things now, although in the short run that makes him a bit more fatalistic and wanting to have his fun now before the his actions start to limit his options and his friends take off for other pursuits and leave him a bit behind. Friends have more impact than we do, and sometimes that is a way to keep him from going off the deep end.

Some more basic societies (Masai?) would let the young males just go off because they were not adults and it would be a long time until they were. In our society it is more complicated because were are more responsible for their actions and the accumulation of human capital (learning, skills, contacts, friends etc) tends to accumulate in this age and missing it creates problems.

I can feel your pain and am glad a couple of the things you list are a bit less in may case.

My son gave me the same problems, even worse. He is young, stick with him. DO NOT GIVE UP !! Things will get better if you stay on him.

It's not easy, raising kids was harder than any frkn marathon or race.

My son ended up doing 5 year's in the service and all is well.

Good luck brother.

Outward bound?

Some of those kind of programs do good stuff.

Go on a big vacation with him to the wilderness somewhere. If he doesn't like the sound of it trick him into thinking it is somewhere you think he would want to go. Then go to the wilderness place. Some time away will teach him about life. I recommend somewhere like Chad, Siberia or Mauritania. He will learn about morals and ethics and wherever you go the local indigenous people can help you develop as people and grow now outlooks on life and you will learn lessons in life from them. He will literally be a new person by the end of it. You would probably need a few months to do it over summer vacation.

Seriously - this worked for me.

Get involved in what they are doing. Sound interested give them suggexstions on how it should be done and constantly talk about the plan to open a pot shop. When his friends come over- talk to them about you and your sons plans.

Fastest way for him to lose interest in the pot.

Pretzel Man wrote:

My son gave me the same problems, even worse. He is young, stick with him. DO NOT GIVE UP !! Things will get better if you stay on him.

It's not easy, raising kids was harder than any frkn marathon or race.

My son ended up doing 5 year's in the service and all is well.

Good luck brother.

Not giving up is the single most important thing you can do. Many parents give up which allows their child to spiral even more downward. Hang in there.

Change of environment. A positive one.

In case this isn't some sick minded troll.

I am a father to a young boy, and to say I haven't thought about scenarios like this would be a lie. As I am not in your particular situation, what's his general school environment and friend group all about? 12-13 is an odd age as there is so much change about to happen within their mind and body. I'd probably just start with talking to him. Gauge what drew him to that path and get him talking. I've worked in a MS/HS before and one thing I took away, it's a very weird time in their development and it's likely never just one variable that could play into their behavior. Let him know you care deeply about his future and would love to hear more of his thoughts with why he wants to get into the cannabis business, at least to get him to open up. I am a full on supporter and card holder, but I definitely don't want my 15 year old smoking. I would rather him be focused on school and developing as an athlete.

I am guessing you might be a runner too if you're on this site. Offer to go on runs with him or just get him out and about moving and feeling good. If he feels he is under constant attack from you, it's likely only going to push him away further. I wish you and him the best.

Not my real fake name wrote:

CCB wrote:If you have experience with this would appreciate advice.

I had this exact same experience when my son was that age, about 12 years ago now. Unfortunately my experience didn’t end well, so my advice may be of limited value. I can tell you in hindsight what I would do differently if I had another chance. There was an awful lot of conflict between us, and I regret that. We fought a lot to no particular purpose over things that turned out not to matter so much. I think in part he needed better examples from his mom and dad, and in part he had some powerful internal struggles that really needed professional intervention for evaluation and advice.

Good luck to you and your son, you only get one try, there are no practice runs.

Do something like this. It seems like the OP is focusing on results and outcomes, rather than attempting to understand himself and his son as people, and focusing on his son's relationship with family close to him.

This is a tough position to be in. As others have said, there is no easy answer, as I'm sure you know. I think the best thing you can do as a parent is be supportive in the areas that you feel warrant support. You might not see any right away, but look for them, and support them.

Don't be antagonistic regarding the poor choices he is making, but don't support those. Just be frank. This is bad. This is illegal. And this is most likely going to cause you problems in the future that you cannot see at the moment.

But at the end of the day, I always come back to the words of wisdom The Mountain Goats dish out, "when you punish a person for dreaming his dreams don't expect him to thank or forgive you."

Sure, not being an athlete and dealing/smoking pot might not seem like a dream to you, but no good will come from punishing this directly.

Usually pot smokers have no aspirations so you should be glad he wants to actually pursue the business side of it.

You could move to Canada, weed is legal there now. Or find a college in Canada with a good horticulture/agriculture program and motivate him to do well in school so he can go to Canada and be a weed farmer. Although I don't think you actually need a degree for that.

Move to a state where marijuana growing and selling are legal. That way you can help keep him out of jail and allow him to make his dream become reality.