Would you take a serious cut in income and a major life style change to raise your two 5 and 6 year old boys in a 50 percent

Absolutely! Step up and be a man and a dad to your sons.

You won’t regret it unless you are a materialistic, selfish person. Invest yourself in those boys. Money is empty pursuit at the end of the day. And 100k is more than plenty.

Yeah money after a certain point does almost nothing for you, especially when you have a family.

If you're single, there is definitely some experiences to gain when you EARN that money.

For a family, you just need enough to provide a safe house, and enough experiences. But most of those good experiences for kids don't cost a lot. Sports, summer camp. Couple thousand max over a few years.

You have kids and they should come before everything else, even money.

Do the right thing.

Yes. Ask yourself what’s the minimum amount you could get by one when money no longer acts as an incentive.

For me that was around 85k. So if I earn 85k or 125k, to me it doesn’t really matter. Anything north of 85k and I’m assessing the job purely on the role involved, lifestyle, family time, etc.

Do it. You can be in your kids life or you can just be some rich guy who helped them pau for college, doesnt the first sound better?

I'm going to zag while everyone else zigs. If this is even a question, I'm not sure your meant to be a 50% dad. You're worried about the impact of being with your children will have on your social life for God's sake.

Also, in almost all states these days, 50-50 is the customary split, so I'm wondering if you've had some issues yourself that resulted in you having custody a smaller portion of the time.

Plus, you're asking us idiots for input. Even if that is just as a sounding board, it's a bad sign.

Unless their mother did something horrific, maybe they are with her more for a reason and you should leave well enough alone for their best interests.

I have taken the nurturing farther than most men would and have been a stay at home dad for almost a decade now.(of course I get to run a lot). You will probably regret these sacrifices, sometimes. I do have some passive income and my wife works, so we have about the same income as you will for all of us. It's probably kind of the same deal if you consider what my wife needs to spend on herself vs. your alimony. House is very little expense for us and I made it that way as a safety factor for going unemployed. In this life you can crash from any place, so I prefer to relax more, but be responsible at the same time.

Our kids are doing great. Really great. We have very little extended family , so that is a big factor. if not for our on hands care it would be all 6 to 6. Kids thrive off of family. While I am a serious parent , I do get quite a bit of social satisfaction from being involved with my kids and the people around their activities, school, sports, clubs, and I never got the same from any group of co-workers.

You will see people around you spending all that money you are not. Sometimes that sucks, but overall I wouldn't trade it. We still vacation every year and can do our fair share at fund raisers for school and what not. kids all go to 6th grade camp , DC trips and the like. One kid plays club soccer and we have enough for everyone to participate reasonably in hobbies. It is not bad not to spoil your kids. Mine has done mountain biking races where all the kids have 5k bikes on his $700 build, and it has been fine. The main things get done. Saving for retirement can be scary. I think some people really want as much money for that as they can possibly get for that because they can imagine living frugally ever , so that's something to consider. To each his own.

On the other hand, I think our college costs are going to be less due to academic success, which is certainly tied to dedicated parenting. It's seems pretty likely that all our kids will launch pretty well and we won't be faced with supporting them or watching them be destitute until I die. That stuff is worth a lot. I have neighbors who were very successful but can't keep up their own formally very nice home due to bailing out grown kids.

Maybe this isn't best for the kids . . . wrote:

I'm going to zag while everyone else zigs. If this is even a question, I'm not sure your meant to be a 50% dad. You're worried about the impact of being with your children will have on your social life for God's sake.

Also, in almost all states these days, 50-50 is the customary split, so I'm wondering if you've had some issues yourself that resulted in you having custody a smaller portion of the time.

Plus, you're asking us idiots for input. Even if that is just as a sounding board, it's a bad sign.

Unless their mother did something horrific, maybe they are with her more for a reason and you should leave well enough alone for their best interests.

Not true. I am a family lawyer and it's what is in the best interest. I know many guys, who due to work and so on, are unable to do the 50/50. Now a days with people working more and the 40 hour work week a thing of the past, 50/50 is not an choice. It used to be every other weekend till recently, for men. I think your thinking of supervised visition, because every other weekend does not mean something is wrong here.

You sound like a douche nozzle, so no. Let your ex take care of the children.

Maybe this isn't best for the kids . . . wrote:

I'm going to zag while everyone else zigs. If this is even a question, I'm not sure your meant to be a 50% dad. You're worried about the impact of being with your children will have on your social life for God's sake.

Also, in almost all states these days, 50-50 is the customary split, so I'm wondering if you've had some issues yourself that resulted in you having custody a smaller portion of the time.

Plus, you're asking us idiots for input. Even if that is just as a sounding board, it's a bad sign.

Unless their mother did something horrific, maybe they are with her more for a reason and you should leave well enough alone for their best interests.

Agree

You are currently middle class and on track to be in the rat-race the rest of your life. You have the option to be a father to your children while still being middle class and stuck in the rat-race.

Coming from someone whose parents divorced when I was 4 and I was 50/50 (1 full week with mom, then 1 full week with dad) until graduating high school, I can assure you 50/50 is a million times better for your kids than your current setup.

Do the right thing, for your own longterm mental health and theirs.

This guy got it right...

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-05-02/member-for-perth-tim-hammond-resigns-from-politics/9718606

My summer clerks start in a month so I'll have them do a state by state survey and report back but in my state and many others, while the best interest of the child is the primary consideration, 50/50 is a rebuttable presumption as a practical matter.

In any event, as previously noted and left unaddressed, the OP still seems more worried about having his kids half of the time because of the impact it will have on his social life - half custody!!!! - I'm confident in my position.

Take advantage of the opportunity and do it. Have faith the rest will work out.

All the Dads wrote:

it would be far less then my normal. I project it would be like, 85k to 100k vs 160k. This is on top of having no social life.

I'm not sure where you've been, but, welcome to parenthood as the unwashed masses experience it.

Why is this even a question? You have kids. It's your responsibility to raise them.

There is nothing more important in your life (now or ever) than raising your sons... do whatever you have to do to have them with you as much as possible. You’ve been given a huge gift/opportunity... take it!

How is this even a question?

Be a man and take responsibility for your children.

This is a No Brainer... wrote:

There is nothing more important in your life (now or ever) than raising your sons... do whatever you have to do to have them with you as much as possible. You’ve been given a huge gift/opportunity... take it!

I concur...

This isn't about the OP stepping up an being a man, or taking responsibility. It's about what's best for the kids. I have joint custody with my ex and I see the kids two weeknights per week and every other weekend. I had the opportunity to do a true 50/50 (one week at my place, one week at her place) and it was way too disruptive for the kids.

OP, if you need to push for greater visitation rights through the courts then do. But you may find that your boys do better with the routine of sleeping in the same bed most nights and it's ok if it's at their mom's house. It hurts but a week on/week off or alternating biweekly visits is hard on everyone. Good luck in whatever you choose and coparent wisely.