I hate asking for help, but please read.

Soon to be dad wrote:

Also, I ran a 4:38 mile in 2008. That's the best I've got. Sorry.

TrackBot! PRs Dan Charles

I am confused. I live in a BIG 10 city in the Midwest, so I feel that cost of living is very reasonable. Last year I made $35,360 and I have no debt at all outside of my mortgage (My mortgage is down to $7616 after 21 years paying on it).

In 2010 I had a terrible health problem that has no cure, but I did not know that at the time and I pursued every avenue I could think of and because of this I spent $48,000 on medical care over 2010, 2011, and 2012. I had it all paid off by the end of 2012. Some of that was doctor visits (some were $400 each time, some were $100 a week for the therapist). Some of that was insurance premiums, so those were paid each month and never were debt. But at one point I had about $17,000 in medical bill debts. Again, paid off by 2012.

Add to this, in 2010 both tenants I had in my rental house moved 4 extra family turds into their 1-Bedroom apartments and I noticed the utilities were 4 TIMES what they should be. They had to be MOVED OUT. When I evicted them, they sent someone in there when it was empty to steal the copper plumbing. Now nobody can live there and the resulting damage ruined one water heater and one of the furnaces. So I was looking at about $10K in repairs.

To make things worse, the city charged me a $300 a month "monitoring fee" to watch the unoccupied house. So now the bills for the house were $1500 a month and no rent was coming in.

Add to this unforeseen problem, in 2015 I had to buy my own health insurance through the HCA marketplace and it was $250 a month.

Still own my OWN HOUSE and will pay it off THIS YEAR. Still own the rental (only owe $26,000 on it, so I am too stupid to sell it). Still going to work every day. I now have $460,000 in my 401K and $76,000 in my savings account next to my checking.

I have done this for 8 years now. Never took a loan from the bank or my parents. Never took a handout.

I am on pace to have both houses paid off by age 45, and am planning to buy a different one, a BETTER ONE, just after. I am on pace to have $1.45 M at retirement. Even if I never make more than $40K.

So you tell me how it is that you two (who MAKE THREE TIMES MORE THAN ME) need to have a handout?

You are an Engineer, so you are at the VERY LEAST a smart and reasonably organized person. You are not the run-of-the-mill American moran. You make $100K a year?!? That is $6000 a month conservatively after 10% 401K contribution and 20% withholding. $6000 a month. Even if your house payment is $2K, you should be able to find $500 a month to put onto this CC debt.

If not, BOTH OF YOU NEED to find a second job. Since you will have a baby, one of you can work weekends (probably your wife) and the other can work nights. Work at Home Depot on weekends or from 5-10PM. Be a cashier at 7-Eleven (open 24 hours). Start delivering pizzas (7 PM to 2 AM or 5 PM to 10 PM). Start a lawn cutting business in your neighborhood, where you cut 10 lawns every Saturday in your area for $30. Pocketing $1200 a month after a $1000 investment in equipment.

Have your wife work at Old Navy. Be a server at a restaurant or bar. If she is good at cooking, work for a caterer (odd hours and weekend hours are often available). Work at a clothing store on Saturday and Sunday. Have her start babysitting for your friends or people in your neighborhood). Many of you are probably laughing, but this is what it takes.

Minimum wage is now $9.25 in my state. So if it is similar for you, just 13 hours a week for both of you will $830 a month, and that is minimum WAGE!!! In seven months you will be free of this debt and you won't have to beg.

Get with it man!!

For the love of all that is holy, don’t listen to this dipsh1t. He doesn’t know the first thing about your family life. Your baby is only a baby only once. Working both of you to death or poor health for minimum wage is a waste of your time. You’ll miss all the good things that come with being a father and be only marginally farther ahead financially.

After seeing that you’ve paid the 33k down to 6k, that’s good. That info wasn’t available when I first posted.

Also, I would seriously consider researching a benefits cliff for you. You may find that some aid or debt forgiveness is available when your income retracts if your wife stops working. My friend had his medical debt wiped after 2 years of on time payments when he lost his job.

In all honesty, you both should look at cutting ALL unnecessary expenses as quickly as possible. Seriously, if you haven’t done so, go and do a deep dive and see where potential waste exists in your family.

Finally, while this is a real worry, don’t let it cloud your judgement. Men worry about money when they become a father. It’s natural. I freaked each time I added a mouth to feed. It’s normal and healthy and it means you care. The best advice I received was from my dad:

“You’re gonna get an avalanche of advice from everyone, even me. Only you know what’s best for your baby and family. No one else is gonna know your baby like you or love your baby more than you so don’t let them control you. You’ll discover what works for your family and it will be just fine.”

Thanks Dad.

OK, I reread every post (including yours) and I think see a clearer picture here of what you are worried about.

1) Two of you make $100K, and that was fine until you were hit with an illness and the $33K that THAT entailed. I am right there with you. Had some myself.

2) You were also fine through the last 5 years and paid that debt down to $6000, which now sits on a credit card, which you are switching around to minimize interest.

3) You both have student loans but will be able to pay ALL of them off during this calendar year.

4) You think you will be able to pay off your $6K within 12 months (early NEXT year). $500 a month for 12 months.

5) Your wife will need to be OFF of work for 2 months before LABOR and for 2 months after. Roughly.

6) you are worried that DURING THIS TIME you won't have enough (because you will be DOWN $2500 a month from her loss of salary).

7) You have a "surprise" pregnancy, and I am guessing that you have 6 month or 7 months before the due date.

HERE IS WHAT YOU DO:

-> cut your 401k contrib down to the matched amount. Or if you are really freaked out, cut it down to ZERO. Do this until your student loans and $6K is paid off. Then ratchet it back UP.

-> cut your student loan payments down to the minimum (or try to suspend them and see if you can qualify for forbearance or deferment). Just until your wife goes back to work regularly.

-> Do both of these NOW and try to bank the money you aren't kicking out for payments so you have some to weather the storm for the 4 months while she is on LEAVE.

-> Start being frugal. In every way you can think of. Don't drive when you can walk. Don't walk when you can stay home. No more $4 coffees for a while. Look at your bank statement and remove every single thing that you can, cut the vital ones down. Do you drive old cars? If they are worth less than $4000 consider dropping your collision coverage. You are only risking about $3000 after your deductible, but you will save $1200 in the first year.

Consider raising your Property Insurance deductible to $1000 and your auto insur deduct to $500. You get the picture.

Really this is not a BIG DEAL. You are going to be fine. I remember when about 10 years ago if you made $100K a year you were rich. If you were making $50K and your wife was quitting work for 6 years I would worry.

But you've got this.

Talk to non-profit organizations that act as a broker between you and the credit card debt. They'll negotiate rates with the creditors that'd you'd never be able to get alone and your payment could get cut in half. $6000 really isn't that much. You're either overreacting, or there's a lot you're not telling us.

I am surprised that a self-reliant successful person would suggest that the way to overcome this would be to stick the rest of us with the bill? Benefits cliff? Debt Forgiveness? The debt is not discharged from anyone but him. The rest of us are the ones that pay for it. I guess he does also, in higher interest rates, the next time he borrows.

This family makes $100K and he works at State job, he will never be fired. For Pete Squire's Sake ... counsel someone to be a good citizen and pay it off himself for the things they consumed.

Just because I post here doesn’t mean I buy into your neocon BS. Those programs and services exist for a reason. To not use them if you qualify is your own dumb pride getting in the way of logic. OP isn’t a leech. He just is trying to get an understanding of his options.

Newsflash!!!! All of us are a burden to society at one point in our lives. There’s no shame in reviewing all options before you decide the best course of action.

Father of 3 here wrote:

Just because I post here doesn’t mean I buy into your neocon BS. Those programs and services exist for a reason. To not use them if you qualify is your own dumb pride getting in the way of logic. OP isn’t a leech. He just is trying to get an understanding of his options.

Newsflash!!!! All of us are a burden to society at one point in our lives. There’s no shame in reviewing all options before you decide the best course of action.

I also want to be clear that for the last 4+ years, I've been diligently paying this and had every intention of continuing to do so until we found out we're having a baby.

Maybe I am freaking out like someone said, but it is what it is. Also, I don't live in the midwest where it's somehow possible to pay off a debt of 1.5x your annual salary in two years. I'll try to respond to everyone else individually when I get a chance. I appreciate everyone's advice.

Father of 3 here wrote:

Just because I post here doesn’t mean I buy into your neocon BS. Those programs and services exist for a reason. To not use them if you qualify is your own dumb pride getting in the way of logic. OP isn’t a leech. He just is trying to get an understanding of his options.

Newsflash!!!! All of us are a burden to society at one point in our lives. There’s no shame in reviewing all options before you decide the best course of action.

Dear Outraged Father of 3,

I am not a conservative. And I am not "neo", I am old now. You were not suggesting the OP make use of one of society's social safety nets, you were suggesting that he walk away from an expense that he racked up. While I have made it 58 years without being a "burden to society" yet, I do believe that there is a time for all of us to use that hand up that we all contribute to. The safety nets are available to us specifically when a family who makes $100K at stable jobs DOES NOT make use of programs that were not meant for them.

There is no need to swear at people either.

Much love,

The Ghost of Pat Davey

OP, are you willing to ask your parents or in-laws for money? They might help out if it ensures their grandchild gets the care it needs.

Soon to be dad wrote:

I also want to be clear that for the last 4+ years, I've been diligently paying this and had every intention of continuing to do so until we found out we're having a baby.

Maybe I am freaking out like someone said, but it is what it is. Also, I don't live in the midwest where it's somehow possible to pay off a debt of 1.5x your annual salary in two years. I'll try to respond to everyone else individually when I get a chance. I appreciate everyone's advice.

The medical expenses were $48,000 over THREE years. The debt reached $17,000 at one point. There is a difference.

I must have paid ~$12,000 a year on those expenses. Most of them were paid monthly. Also, I had 2 additional jobs during that time. I did those jobs because I knew I had about $1000 a month in medical expenses with no end in sight. I also dipped into my savings to the tune of $3000-5000 a year during those years.

Dear Old Fart,

You’re irrelevant to the discussion. Look again at your life. Youre so old you don’t remember the struggle of raising kids or you never had them. If you did have them, then you had them so long ago the financial aspect has no bearing on the OP. The world changed while you became elderly.

So glad you never were a burden, but you and I know you weren’t independent since the womb. You also know you’ll need care when you get super old. Some are lucky enough to have family to help. Others

We’re born with money. Some were lucky to save enough. Some have no safety net at all. Not everyone is your charmed existence. Everyone needs a hand once in their life so don’t paint your rosey picture and BS holier than thou attitude on us.

Sincerely,

A Realist

How much different is this than anyone else?

-"my wife will be unable to work for at least the last few weeks of pregnancy, plus for whatever amount of time we're able to afford after the baby is born. " 1 month of her pay is just $3300!

-You owed 39K, about the price of a new car (admittedly more car than I would buy) but its not terrible. What's your plan when college comes up? (It'll be a lot more than 39K.) You make enough money to pay your debts without asking others to pay them.

To the OP, I have followed this thread since your first post and no one commented on it yet... I've been tempted to respond but haven't until now. There is much more information available now than in your first post however my stance has not changed: You should not be asking us for money. You are well off enough to afford the consequences of your existing debt and afford to care for your baby. IMO, you should take down the gofundme page.

6000 in debt is not very much. I'm not sure if you have exhausted all of your credit card options, but there are at least 5-6 popular reputable credit cards that offer 0% interested for 12-18 months including on balance transfers (I know because I currently use them). Have you looked into these? They are VERY easy to get. I currently have 4 of them for a total of about $23,000 in available 0% interest.

You are paying off your student loans this year, you own a house, you contribute a lot to a 401k, you have a pension, you been able to pay off about 25k in medical bills in the past 5 years... you are VERY well off. Much more well off than most other couples who currently make 100k a year total. I'm sure the medical bills have been difficult to pay off, but 33k down to 6k is a great accomplishment. The last 6k will be paid off this year without any stranger's help; about the time when your baby will be born.

With all due respect, you don't need our help. Congratulations on the unexpected pregnancy, I do hope it goes smoothly.

I forgot one more thing: You said you have an emergency fund for expected medical bills or something like that.. Please do not ask strangers to "donate to your cause" before you have even used your emergency fund!

How dare you ask us for money for an "emergency" (having an unexpected baby when you have unpaid medical bills) BEFORE you even use your OWN money?!?

Whats an emergency fund for if you don't use it for an emergency and instead have the audacity to ask stranger's for their money?

(I realize this post has a slightly more angry tone than my last one, but it's gotten me very worked up, haha... I still wish you the best and congratulations on the baby coming.)

I mostly agree with all this advice, but I would add that you should get another job (even if its just working at 7eleven) and work as much as you can until your wife needs to quit working. Try to make as much money as you possibly can in the next 5 months, and pay down the high interest debts as quickly a possible. You have no choice, you are going to be a Dad, you do what you have to do. Years from now you will look back and be proud of how you and your wife handled the challenge.

8/10

Great troll job! Bonus points for potentially getting paid to troll. I’ll raise my rating if the OP is rojo

Soon to be dad wrote:

I'm posting under a different handle than I usually do because I'm not the most popular guy here...

Shouldn't have said this - you've outed yourself right away as someone no one likes. DiscoGary? truthseakr? Deez Nuts? John Utah?

1. $10/hr second job 4hrs/day 5days of the week is $800/month. $9600/year. Debt is paid off in 8-9 months. If you’re willing to do some extra hours on the weekend, then debt is paid sooner. Don’t worry, you won’t “miss being a father”. In my experience “being a father” is not playing with a baby, it’s providing for the baby’s future even if you can’t go to every Gymboree class. I respect my fathers work ethic. I don’t remember if I saw him when I was 7months old. I remember being told he’s working late for me.

2. Get the second job now. You will finally feel in control of the situation, feel empowered to fix these tough but fixable problems, learn the lesson that you can take care of most of the problems you’ll face in the future, and you’re wife and baby will have serious respect for you. This takes work. And it’s not impossible. You can do it!

3. Remember, if you don’t get a second job, then donors are not paying you’re medical debt, they are paying for you to be free in the evenings and weekends (which I assume you have off as a government employee).