Why do women marry the old shoe?

Winning1 wrote:

I think there is hope for a man with any girl if he can find the right strategy. In fact you know this to be true.

Perhaps the right strategy would be to have enough money. But to me it's all about that leverage where she likes

something about you beyond looks. "Good-looking guys are a dime a dozen."

I have heard many times that young women do not want to marry old men. But sometimes they do because the young men

do not have the "intangibles."

Keep it clean.

Discus.

The "old shoe," to a woman would be someone who she has decided is her soul mate because they

are best friends. It would be someone who she likely would have known for a long time.

Winning1 wrote:

Winning1 wrote:

I think there is hope for a man with any girl if he can find the right strategy. In fact you know this to be true.

Perhaps the right strategy would be to have enough money. But to me it's all about that leverage where she likes

something about you beyond looks. "Good-looking guys are a dime a dozen."

I have heard many times that young women do not want to marry old men. But sometimes they do because the young men

do not have the "intangibles."

Keep it clean.

Discus.

The "old shoe," to a woman would be someone who she has decided is her soul mate because they

are best friends. It would be someone who she likely would have known for a long time.

Sounds like "old shoe" to you means having established rapport, or at least some form of consistent comfort. Rapport is necessary for a monogamous relationship. But so are sexual/passionate and logical attraction. If you don't have all three then you can't have a monogamous relationship, because whoever is feeling like one of those is missing is going to seek out or at least be receptive to that missing piece to be supplied elsewhere. So yes, if you are in a relationship where the sex is hot and your lives are aligned (i.e. the relationship is logically a good idea) but you lack much to connect on or talk about, then she will seek out the "old-shoe", at least as far as rapport is concerned. But the way people and relationships work is that when one of these connections happens, at least one of them will start considering the other two. So say she has a male friend that she connects with emotionally better than with you, but the sex with you is great and your friends all think you're a great couple. Then there is always the possibility that at some point when the sex suffers in your relationship, he becomes a more attractive sexual option. Or on the flip side, maybe the sex isn't so great with you, and the "old shoe" is a guy she's been secretly hooking up with for years but could not be public about it because it wasn't socially appropriate.

Depressing thread is depressing

I like your approach and unfortunately it replays some of my own thinking. To rap up what you said; Rapport, Sex, and Logical attraction should be present for a relationship to last?

How does Rapport and Logical attraction differ?

drocha86 wrote:

Depressing thread is depressing

drocha86, only depressing if you feel like it's something that's hidden from you or that you have no control of. But if you can open up your awareness to the bigger picture of connectedness outside of just you and your love interest, and apply your logical male thinking to it, you're actually at an advantage. Because at least in my experience, a lot of women can never really get past the passive notion that things just happen. Love is generally a more magical experience for them because of that. As men, you can have more control of your emotions but it requires sort of letting the fairy tale die and it is a somewhat depressing thing but if you can get over that, you'll be more socially sophisticated and attractive.

The Top Traits In a Man wrote:

1. $ or good job/ambitious

2. Personality: funny, confident, nice or jerk depends, smart

3. Attractive

4. Big fingers

5. Tall or at least not short

1. I used to be ambitious but lost that recently.

2. I can surprise people and be funny but I'm no Steve Martin.

3. Attractive...I used to have that one nailed. Now not so much, but I am not ugly.

4. No I have small fingers

5. I am of normal height.

According to your count I only have two strikes against me. There is hope in River City!!!

Winning1 wrote:

I like your approach and unfortunately it replays some of my own thinking. To rap up what you said; Rapport, Sex, and Logical attraction should be present for a relationship to last?

How does Rapport and Logical attraction differ?

I didn't make this stuff up btw. The difference? I would say logical attraction is logistics (convenient locations, social acceptance, common goals, "social appropriateness") and rapport would be that you have something to talk about, but with more emotional openness. Like a girl and her gay male friend have a good rapport.

Winning1 wrote:

The Top Traits In a Man wrote:

1. $ or good job/ambitious

2. Personality: funny, confident, nice or jerk depends, smart

3. Attractive

4. Big fingers

5. Tall or at least not short

1. I used to be ambitious but lost that recently.

2. I can surprise people and be funny but I'm no Steve Martin.

3. Attractive...I used to have that one nailed. Now not so much, but I am not ugly.

4. No I have small fingers

5. I am of normal height.

According to your count I only have two strikes against me. There is hope in River City!!!

See and that's a huge problem right there. There is hope for you? You make it sound like you have no control. In fact this is the whole issue. You feel like you are powerless, and a woman has control over you right? This is backwards. Women have all sorts of insecurities too, and wonder if there is hope for them. Women actually resent feeling in control of a relationship, and it makes them view you with pity, or contempt if you're especially annoying. Not only that but guilt is an aphrodisiac for them. Making a girl feel guilty that she's hurting a nice guy actually makes secret guilty sex with another guy more exciting. They get off on it. I have been on both sides of this. Twisted but totally true.

kkkkkkkkkk wrote:

Winning1 wrote:

I like your approach and unfortunately it replays some of my own thinking. To rap up what you said; Rapport, Sex, and Logical attraction should be present for a relationship to last?

How does Rapport and Logical attraction differ?

I didn't make this stuff up btw. The difference? I would say logical attraction is logistics (convenient locations, social acceptance, common goals, "social appropriateness") and rapport would be that you have something to talk about, but with more emotional openness. Like a girl and her gay male friend have a good rapport.

Thank you. I also appreciated your previous post. For me you are making this post worthwhile.

If nothing else it's good to have someone to bounce things off of because maybe I'll be ready for my next opportunity. All anyone can do is move forward.

Winning1 wrote:

runn wrote:

I'm 58 and divorced. I have no problem getting younger (30's) women. They tell me that I treat them with respect and I'm not selfish.

I'm also, according to them, not selfish with sex and I make them feel good about it.

Bottom line- grow up, be a gentleman and don't be selfish.

Thank you. It is good to know there is hope. They say thinking controls everything in our lives. I hope to continue to test this great theory which to this point has not worked for me in the marriage department.

'selfish' is a euphemism for not being a source of income, for young girls looking to marry to manipulate someone for money. You talk about control; this kind of person will take all of your material ability, and even dissolve any hope of equilibrium without material attachment from manipulating you.

That is certainly a great attitude. To feel like you are in control. I appreciate your posting!

Winning1 wrote:

That is certainly a great attitude. To feel like you are in control. I appreciate your posting!

Embrace your logical mind and don't ever apologize for trying to think logically, even if you're under pressure to make a hasty decision. Set that as a boundary for yourself and others, and that's a great start.

Winning1 wrote:

I think there is hope for a man with any girl if he can find the right strategy. In fact you know this to be true.

Perhaps the right strategy would be to have enough money. But to me it's all about that leverage where she likes

something about you beyond looks. "Good-looking guys are a dime a dozen."

I have heard many times that young women do not want to marry old men. But sometimes they do because the young men

do not have the "intangibles."

Keep it clean.

Discus.

The women are all right. It’s the world that’s imperfect. It’s interesting that in all the infinite possibilities that make up “imperfect,” women are apparently singlehandedly responsible for ensuring perfection in the domestic sphere, and bitterly criticized when things go awry: Alone? You should have settled. Your marriage broke up? You settled, you should have known better. Have a baby on your own? Selfish, plus greedy, because you didn’t want to marry someone you’d have to support. Baby too young? Slutty, irresponsible. Baby too old? I feel sorry for your kid, you’ll be dead by the time he’s 25.

Couples don’t know how to fight fairly. They have this romantic notion that if they are in “love” there should be no fighting. Once the fighting begins, they are so flabbergasted by the idea that someone who loves them would criticize them that all hell breaks out.

Instead of realizing that fighting can be healthy for a relationship, people become highly offended, start harboring resentment and start withdrawing from their spouse.

There is an inability to fight, make-up, forgive and get on with the marriage.