Losing my girlfriend in college..

FriendlyLobo wrote:

fooly cooly wrote:

like other guys said, by your mid-late 20s the tables will have turned.

Not to hijack this thread, but as a younger, undergrad-age individual myself, can you explain how exactly the tables turn?

In your early 20's you're competing for the same women with late 20's men who have more money, confidence, and experience. Thus if you're further into your career in your late 20's you have an advantage with women several years younger.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I'm really pissed off now. I'm completely done with all this bullshit. I'm going 100% beast mode. I just lost the girl of my dreams and I'm about to light up the running scene. I run for a mid-major D1 program by the way and in the cross season. Focusing on myself and getting to work tomorrow. You best believe, It's definitely grind time.

Lol, she's not a "girl of your dreams," you will have forgotten about her in 2 months and be into someone else

TroubledRelationship wrote:

What should I do if she texts me asking how I am doing? Ignore, or text back?

Cut the bs OP. Ignore all and move the eff on; there ate 100s of hot, smart funny chicks at school right now, though the best are probably in the library. also, listen to old Hank Williams and Bobby Bland records, it helps.

If you want a consolaytion blowski with edging, check the sixth floor stacks, the tables by the men's room.

The thing with girls is that while you're living like a student, maybe supported by your parents I don't know, she could be seeing guys in their mid twenties and up who are interesting have careers going. In the end, you should just try to be as interesting as you can be and then you start going after the younger girls.

27 is when women are the most attractive and also the most unstable. Beware of this age.

Melaina and Ivanka are exceptions to this rule, there's always the outliers.

MAGA

Trump2020OP-the real one wrote:

27 is when women are the most attractive and also the most unstable. Beware of this age.

Melaina and Ivanka are exceptions to this rule, there's always the outliers.

MAGA

you're off by about a decade

Go study abroad or something. Go to Spain and date some girls. You'll see that young people often are dating around. Go there and learn Spanish. It'll make you more interesting when you go back to the US.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I'm really pissed off now. I'm completely done with all this bullshit. I'm going 100% beast mode. I just lost the girl of my dreams and I'm about to light up the running scene. I run for a mid-major D1 program by the way and in the cross season. Focusing on myself and getting to work tomorrow. You best believe, It's definitely grind time.

First of all dude, congrats on generating probably the most honest, heart-felt threads I've ever read on LRC. 95% of the advice on here is dead-on accurate, and clearly comes with good intentions. Why? Because we've all been there ourselves, and know in hindsight what we should have done in similar situations. I only wish I'd had something like this to refer to when i went through my own college breakups (which were pre-internet).

Secondly, and it looks like you're going to do this, just keep your mind occupied with other stuff so you won't think about her all the time. It doesn't matter what ... just stay busy doing whatever it is that occupies your thoughts in positive ways. Stay around other people as much as you can (but don't be that brokenhearted guy telling your sad story to whomever will listen ... people will tire of that quickly).

Third, don't dive right into something serious with the next girl that walks by. It'll work to help put your ex solidly in the past. But more than likely, it'll create its own problems before long. That's not to say don't hang out with girls at all ... you should. And if you're the type, feel free to hook up with some fun party girls along the way ... just don't fall head over heels for the first one that puts out.

Finally, although it's painful right now, treasure your youth and freedom. Eventually you'll be past your prime, stuck in a lifeless boring marriage, and remembering how great it was being 20-something, super fit, and single ... even with its emotional ups and downs. Believe it or not, I (and I suspect many on this thread) envy you right now.

Good luck.

All this advice is dead-on accurate.

I let a HS relationship that got broken up because she wasnt into it anymore ruin my first year of college. As a result, I didnt really try making friends at the school, hated life, and ended up transferring. Looking back, it wasnt the school at all but my emotional seclusion that led me to thinking I needed to get out. Things worked out at my next place but it was because I was ready to engage with the school, make friends, etc. It's really hard to make a long-distance relationship work your first years in college, first because of the strain on the actual relationship in light of the new opportunities and second because it keeps you from engaging 100% in your peers who can be your new and lifelong college friends. You wont feel as connected to your college because you are always holding back, staying in to talk on the phone, go visit her, etc. when the rest of your classmates are bonding and forming their relationships.

It sucks, but this is natural and for the best. Realize it now, and start to enjoy what college has to offer. Dont be like me and get depressed, pining for something that is either already lost or unlikely to maintain anyway while the first part of college passes you by.

Good luck!

Have you ever heard of Dion and the Belmonts? They came out with a song years ago called "Runaround Sue". It will explain a lot and you will feel a whole lot better knowing that the issue you are experiencing is nothing new.

No, it keeps getting better for men and more desperate for women. We start earning more money and attaining professional success which, despite the changes in social dynamics over the years, undeniably still makes us more attractive to women.

The only downside to this is that as they get older, their desperation makes them less attractive as long term life partners. If you don't plan on getting married, no big deal; but if you plan on getting married, you have to strike in the sweet spot.

OP, while I am sorry for your pain and grief, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the speed and vigor with which you have traveled through the various stages of grief. Go get 'em brother!

Sorry to hear about it, OP. Also, glad to see you're using it as motivation for cross season.

I had a long distance girlfriend my freshman year, too. We broke up at the end of the year, and I was devastated. I had to go radio silence for a while in order to really get past the hurt. Eventually, we got on to friendly terms, though I don't think I'd say we were ever friends.

In the long run, it worked out for the best. We were going in different directions. And, I met a far more amazing woman, to whom I have been married for 11 years. The breakup and hurt from it led me to a better place. I suspect you'll be fine in the long run, too.

You need to give her space in college so she doesn't feel like you are dragging her down. Every conversation you have cannot be about your jealousy.

Long distance is different from short distance. The relationship basically needs to temporarily become like a brother-sister relationship. You should talk every 1-3 days on the phone. The distance means you can no longer have the intimate care you had before, but you can still occupy the position of a caring person that she can talk to.

If this step back is too much for you at the moment, I would recommend breaking up. As soon as one person becomes stressed about the relationship ending it usually spirals into the other person feeling trapped, and then an actual breakup.

If you do break up, cut contact. Don't talk to her at all. This will show her that you are not as needy/overprotective as she thought and will probably make her miss you and reconsider things. It will also help you actually become less needy and you will adjust to college better. You'll be better off whether you get back together or not.

Guess I missed some developments, but my advice stands. Cut contact and focus on yourself - school and running.

She's not the girl of your dreams, the girl of your dreams is someone you won't have to worry about losing. Trust me it's not ever worth it to be the one trying to keep things together when the other person is having doubts. Staying with this girl would have been stressful and miserable.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling sad, OP. It sounds like you are handling it maturely.

My mom once called the experience you are having "the Turkey dump" because it usually takes place over Thanksgiving. Of all those doomed relationships, at least yours wrapped up relatively quickly, freeing you up to move on. And for what it's worth, a lot of girls you're meeting right now are going through the same thing you went through. They might want someone to talk to who understands (are you a good listener OP?) and perhaps when the dust has settled, one of them will remember you in a nice light. Better than getting schwifty at frat parties and dancing up on people you don't know at any rate.

Good luck with XC>

NO CONTACT, period.

wait until the next gal, or lucky guy, slides a finger into your hole while s/he slowly licks and strokes your throbbing shaft...

I'm sorry to hear that she broke up with you. As others have said, it happens almost every time in a long distance relationship, but that doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you. Don't get angry or retaliate in some way. Keep it classy.

I had a couple of friends in college who were roommates. One was local, the other was from about 500 miles away. The out of towner (I'll call him Bill) had been dating a girl who was now a senior in high school. Her parents desperately wanted the relationship to continue. She was calling him almost every day. Her parents even paid for her to fly to our school to see him some weekends. But eventually, he decided that he wanted to date college girls that he was seeing every day. He would send his roommate, Brad, to go answer the phone when she called. (This was before cellphones.) "No, he's not here right now." So now she's all hot for Brad! She's flying in to see him and he's banging her like crazy the whole weekend. She stayed in her home town for college and, after another year, it was finally over. Looking back on it, it was kind of sick what was going on. Don't end up looking pathetic.

Smoove wrote:

Second for her. If she texts you, respond with: "This isn't going to work for me now. I'll be in touch when I think I'm ready. I respected your decision to break up,now I ask you to respect mine to give me space. Be well." Then block her textsif she gets indignant.

This is balls on dead accurate. It's firm and respectful and frames things going forward.

You are now in "do what's best for me" mode. You are mourning and grieving, and you need to take care of yourself first. It's incredibly painful, but you need to remember that she is actually not the best for you right now. All she can do at the moment is hurt you more.

Hang in there.

BTW - I've never seen such a nice thread on this site. Perhaps there is hope for humanity!!

Grow the fck up buddy. She's leaving you for someone else, but she has a conscience so she's making sure you're emotionally stable. Spend some time being single, practice talking to other women, and sooner or later someone special will come into your life.