Sorry for the long-a*$ post. There will be grammatical errors, run on sentences, fragments, etc. Looking for some honest feedback and hopefully very little chatter from the trolls.
I am a post collegiate middle distance/distance runner. I’ve always had the conviction and fire on the inside that I could make it the trials and become a professional distance runner. I have some reasons to believe I possess the potential/talent to do so. Like many this has been my dream since I was a teenager. Here’s timeline and training info to give you context.
- I started running XC Freshman year in High School. Ran 18 min with no summer training, 4 – 6 days per week. Longest run 5 miles. Less than 20 mpw. Did not run track played spring sport.
- Sophomore year ran low 16s w/ no summer training. Same coach, same training as freshman year. Puberty helped. Top 25 at State as individual (team didn’t make it). Next best guy 2 min slower.
- Soph Track – played spring sport and track. Different coach (football coach). Mileage was less, training was easier. Ran 2:0x, 4:50, and 10:45. 4x4 once after 4x8,1600 and 3200. Split 55.
- Junior XC & Track – No summer training. New Coach (#3). Got my ass kicked by coach. He didn’t take BS. Pushed me hard. Still low mileage. Longest run 7 miles but made workouts count. Mileage was never over 30. Ran high 15s. Going into track I finally gave up my other spring sport and focused on track. Track season I tripled every race. PRd nearly every race that season. Went undefeated till State while PRing by 2 sec (4x8) 10 secs (1600), 15 secs (3200) at state meet Ran 155, 415, 935. Those times where 10 sec, 35 secs, and 70 sec improvements from previous yr.
- Senior XC – New Coach (#4). First summer training. Best shape of my life. Started year running close to PR. 3rd race in PRd 15:48. Unfortunately had a mishap following the race. Injured my hips and back. Trained as much as I could through injury. Did rehab, massage therapy, RICE, etc. Unfortunately due to injury I started running significantly slower (45-90secs). Also started getting beat my teammate whom I was beating consistently 45 – 60 secs +. Over the final several races despite pain I was able to “manage†my injury and tie my personal best at footlocker regionals. Track – New Coach (#5). Though still a nuisance my hips and back where more manageable and I figured out ways to minimize the pain. This track season I amped my mileage up and had 2 – 3 weeks over 50 mpw. The majority of my weeks where 30 – 40 with some in teens and 20s. I was murdering my workouts. Absolutely murdering my workouts. My coach was convinced I was ready to break state records and even thought I could drop 10+ seconds from previous season PR by nats and compete for a national title. I was consistently running within seconds of my prs early season and even eclipsed my PRs (barely) early on but felt extremely flat and tired while racing. Also was having fear and anxiety before races (previous track season I was confident I was going to win every time). Long story short my season ended early. Got really sick. Didn’t make it to State in my events had to settle and run relays because I ran 30 seconds slower in the mile during the qualifying race and dnf in the 3200m. Despite that I split 51 and 49 secs (first leg) on only my 2nd and 3rd time ever running the 4x4. I also ran a PR for my 4x8 split (first leg). Both legs I handed off baton in first.
-College – Stayed local and ended up going to the last school I wanted to go to. I had 2 high school coaches that warned me about going to that school because they were known for instability and the program had been spiraling out of control for years (also rumors of cutting program). Regardless I went because I was naïve and my parents really wanted me to stay close to home (my dream and plan was to go to a top 30 D1 program and surround myself with people better than me so I could fulfill my potential). I had 2 different coaches freshman XC (#6&7). (#8) during track. Going into sophomore year we didn’t have an XC coach that summer so I coached myself to a 5k PR. At start of season we got a new coach (#9). That coach coached me sophomore XC and track. By end of sophomore year everyone from freshman year had quit. Junior and Senior year things smoothed out and got better. Had same new coach (#10) last 2 years. In college I was injured a lot. Did PR in just about every event (not by much) but all my track PRs where also wins. Ran low 350s 1500m and 150s, and high 220s for 1k. Ran 4x4 handful of times and continued to split 49 (50.xx was worst). Ran 2530s for XC. Ran 1530 over summer for PR after going out like a madman (14 low pace for first mile).
College Mileage –
Freshman XC and track – 25 – 50 miles. 2 – 3 weeks over 50. SB – 2630, 400 1500m.
Sophomore XC – 50 to 70 mpw. High 72 miles. PR – 1530, 2530.
Track – 20 – 40 mpw. Never over. 1 week under. Low 350s.
Junior XC – Sick, DNR
Junior Track – 30 – 50 miles. Many under towards end. 1-2 weeks over. Injured mostly. Took 3 weeks off 10-15mpw w/ lots of underwater treadmill. Matched 1500m PR at end of season winning by 10 seconds and leading wire to wire.
Senior XC – 40 to 70 mpw. w/ 2 – 3 weeks over. Only managed 26:05. Felt weak and tired all the time.
Senior Track – 30 to 50 miles mpw. Ran 3:02 with 1:57 close in DMR 1200m leg. Ran low 150s PR by 4 secs in open. Also won by 5 seconds with huge 2nd lap negative split. Did not run 1500m.
Post Collegiate – Depressed, suicidal for a time. Quit running and exercise altogether. Got a crappy job. Horrible diet. Literally didn’t give a f. Lived a boring life. Gained a lot of weight over course of 5 years of minimal activity. Finally got some sense and realized the religious group that I joined freshman yr and had brainwashed me was a cult (there was actually a write up on them in school newspaper and they nearly got banned from out campus). Once I left things got much better. Things became clearer. They were constantly encouraging me to quit running in college and their influence definitely undermined my confidence (didn’t realize that at the time).
Now - Finally got some momentum going around year 5 post graduation. Lost about 75% of the weight through healthier diet and running. Ive been running consistently for a couple years and I am happier and healthier. At a healthy weight but still carrying 10-20 lbs more than college. I have managed to run some ok times but still haven’t even eclipsed my high school bests. Training wise I am way more consistent that college. I avg close to 50 mpw for a year last year. I never ran over 2k for a year in college (less than 40 mpw avg). Heres the problem. Im in my late 20s and I still want to run professionally. I still think I can run sub 4. I realize Im still carrying some extra weight and Im in process of losing it. This comeback has been HARD (I realize mostly perception). Part of it has been trying to sift through the past and figure out what went wrong and how to fix it (that religious click really screwed me up…I didn’t date at all in college because of swallowing that religious nonsense). I don’t wanna just run. I want to win. I want to be good. Running 16 flat at local 5k isn’t ok for me. I’d rather just quit than be mediocre. I also rather give everything and fail than hold back. This is both a strength and weakness. I realize that in one sense much of the above is an excuse for not being successful and making it. But in another I realize putting things in context helps and just because I only ran XX time doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go for it and try and make it to the next level. Hindsight I realize I could have responded to circumstances better and did things differently. There is a lot that I regret. As much as I want to try and force myself forward I can’t. I know many would write me off and say its too late or reason that I don’t possess enough talent. I’m convinced otherwise. Still I really need some help getting there. I’ve been trying to navigate myself on this journey and I’m doing ok. I don’t want to waste anymore time.
Other Notes – for exception of my first year ever running I have always been the best runner on my team. Like mentioned above, the majority of my PRS were run while winning. I have also only been outkicked 3 times in the my career. I know each of those runners by name. One was a national champ in high school (sub 410,150), the other 2 where both 2 time state champs one running 4:15, 9:10 in high school the other ran 4:04 mile in college. Also ran 200m once in race within 30 min after running other distance event. Ran 23 low. Won my heat.