I'm 29 and can honestly say I prefer being single to any relationship I've been in.

I like seeing other people happy and at some point that means/meant putting in a lot of work to make a special gal very happy. I'm not saying your selfish and I don't even want to say that choosing to be selfish is necessarily bad, but as a person who likes pleasing others I would find it very difficult to go years avoiding the opportunity to find a girl I can regularly make smile. And then there is something about that investment of time and energy that is rewarding when you see it give another person some kind of happiness.

It sounds like you've had enough opportunities with enough women to meet your level of interest that you have been able to sustain this lifestyle where you can take or leave them as needed. It seems to be working for you in terms of supply and demand. Are you seeing these girls for the real people they are, though, and not just what they can do for you?

If you are social enough (sounds like it despite saying you're an introvert) and decent looking you should be able to sustain this for years to come. There are always women who want attention at any age. Most of them want to lock in regular attention, so I do expect you'll continue to lose women when you don't commit. At some point you may meet a woman who you think is worth the investment. Don't be too bitter if the girl you attracted shares your original attitude, though, and isn't interested in pursuing something longterm. It might take that kind of heartbreak to make you think about what you're missing, though.

That's the last thing to think about. You are somewhat judging longterm relationships in ignorance and still at a relatively young age. You may like your life fine, but it's hard to say anything with certainty when commenting on a life that you haven't pursued that hard. As the old saying goes, "You don't know what you're missing." While I've had better PRs and more freedom with my time as a single guy, I've found longterm relationships very fulfilling. It's easier for me to think that if you meet enough women you might change your mind. But if you go the introvert route then wanting to be single may be a self fulfilling prophecy.

That is fine to have that attitude. Marriage and kids aren't for everyone. That being said, you will find fewer women of quality that are interested in you the older you get (and a lot of your single friends will drift out of your life as they get married and establish their own family lives). Eventually you will be left with women with a ton of baggage (and likely kids and diseases) that are interested in you. There is no harm in staying single, just understand that what lies ahead isn't as nice as what you have experienced to date.

comedyrelief wrote:

That is fine to have that attitude. Marriage and kids aren't for everyone. That being said, you will find fewer women of quality that are interested in you the older you get (and a lot of your single friends will drift out of your life as they get married and establish their own family lives). Eventually you will be left with women with a ton of baggage (and likely kids and diseases) that are interested in you. There is no harm in staying single, just understand that what lies ahead isn't as nice as what you have experienced to date.

This is not true at all. Maybe it was 30 years ago, but not anymore. More and more people are choosing to stay single. Yes, some friends will drift away, but that would still happen if you were married. If the pressure to be in a relationship becomes too much, just date a doctor. She will care less about you than her job and you'll both be happy.

I am a 32 yo single female. Though I have felt similarly most of the time, there are times I yearn to be in a committed relationship. I can't seem to get a relationship to last longer than the Target return policy though. I also seem to find men like you, who are happy single and not really sold on the whole relationship thing. Though the last guy I dated claimed all of this and now he is dating someone new so I guess the desire to be single couldn't have been too strong. Anywho, you aren't abnormal; just choosing a lifestyle outside the norm. Though as other posters said, it is becoming more common. Be grateful that you enjoy your own company!

maybe you're gay?

My girlfriend is a medical resident (she is 29, I am 55). While she actually in all probability values me as much or more than her job (five years and she is still over the moon), the long hours and her being out of state guarantee plenty of time apart, and helps keep things low-maintenance, which I prefer. Bottom line is the willingness to walk away if the relationship doesn't allow you what you want (in my case independence to work on my demanding career/lifestyle with enough intimacy and support to make it a plus).

Couple of things:

1) Being "selfless" is providing assistance to the unfortunate.

It is NOT shopping for feminine (or masculine) status items, watching TV "as a family," buying useless crap for your kids, and driving around endlessly in a huge car.

2) Emotional and economic weakness are the primary reason that most people are in "committed" relationships.

3) Companionship, a shared vision, and shared memories - are good reasons to be in a committed relationship. (And a small number of people are actually i. relationships for these reasons).

I am 39 and also prefer being single.

I am 35, in a very happy cohabitating four year relationship, and definitely can see how one could prefer being single.

I'm very solitary, emotionally. I loved being single, loved traveling alone, doing things my way on my own.

I also somehow managed to find someone I could mesh well with. It took a couple of years to figure it out but after really understanding how the other works, it feels better than being single.

But if being in this relationship were any harder, I would have just stayed single.

comedyrelief wrote:

That is fine to have that attitude. Marriage and kids aren't for everyone. That being said, you will find fewer women of quality that are interested in you the older you get (and a lot of your single friends will drift out of your life as they get married and establish their own family lives). Eventually you will be left with women with a ton of baggage (and likely kids and diseases) that are interested in you. There is no harm in staying single, just understand that what lies ahead isn't as nice as what you have experienced to date.

I'm glad you brought this up. I'm 28 and have a motto that if someone doesn't want me now, I won't settle for them when they are 40 with teenage/almost teenage kids. I'm actually kind of excited for 12 years from now when people who reject me now come crawling back and I can say nooope.

comedyrelief wrote:

That being said, you will find fewer women of quality that are interested in you the older you get (and a lot of your single friends will drift out of your life as they get married and establish their own family lives). There is no harm in staying single, just understand that what lies ahead isn't as nice as what you have experienced to date.

This is because of aging, not because you are single. Even if you are in a relationship you´ll end up with an old unattractive woman. :)

Men can maintain pretty good sexual market value to a pretty old age. Just stay in shape and have some financial success. There are always nice young women under age 40 who are interested in such men under age 60. Even at age 70 there are good looking 40 year old women that are not beyond your league.

Don't let coupled people put pressure on you. It's just a misery loves company thing. They are not happier. I work mostly with women and over half of the ones in "committed" relationships are banging other dudes.

I've been in plenty of women and relationships with women to know that I do not enjoy being in a relationship. I do enjoy female company, but I am way too introverted to handle the amount of maintenance the average woman requires in a committed relationship. So, instead of inflicting emotional pain and resentment on innocent people for whom I care, I stay single.

I'm with the OP. The old Mellencamp song "I Need a Lover" pretty much illustrates my interest in a relationship these days: I need a girl that will thrill me and then go away.

I was married for 16 years (and with my ex-wife for two years prior to marriage), and what I enjoy about being single again is the simple ability to make my own choices. Probably a very selfish approach, but having to consider only myself when determining the consequences of a choice is pure freedom.

Bottom line, finding a FWB is the only way to go.

Dandolin wrote:

I am 35, in a very happy cohabitating four year relationship, and definitely can see how one could prefer being single.

I'm very solitary, emotionally. I loved being single, loved traveling alone, doing things my way on my own.

I also somehow managed to find someone I could mesh well with. It took a couple of years to figure it out but after really understanding how the other works, it feels better than being single.

But if being in this relationship were any harder, I would have just stayed single.

Can you describe how your relationship works and what things you had to figured out about to each other to make it work? Honestly, the best "relationship" I was ever in was with a girl I wasn't even dating or sleeping with but WAS living with. Because we were just roommates and friends, there was no obligation to do a lot of things together or fight about trivial things or any of that. We each very much had our own lives but talked with one another a lot and did things together when time permitted and it was convenient. None of the women I've dated would be okay with that though. It's like if we're in a relationship together then a large portion of my life needs to be dedicated to them. It's too exhausting for me to endure.

The key to a happy relationship is separation. Have your own room and don't share money. Works.

free life advice wrote:

maybe you're gay?

this ^^^?

Velocibuddha wrote:

Couple of things:

1) Being "selfless" is providing assistance to the unfortunate.

It is NOT shopping for feminine (or masculine) status items, watching TV "as a family," buying useless crap for your kids, and driving around endlessly in a huge car.

2) Emotional and economic weakness are the primary reason that most people are in "committed" relationships.

3) Companionship, a shared vision, and shared memories - are good reasons to be in a committed relationship. (And a small number of people are actually i. relationships for these reasons).

All so true! I'm looking for companionship; that's the way to go.