I ran in front of a car that had rolled to a stop a few feet past a stop sign. The driver wasn't looking at me, just at traffic, and almost hit me. I IMMEDIATELY flicked him off like it was nothing. I was probably like 6 feet from him, his window was down I looked right at his face.
He had big sunglasses on, I didn't get a long look, he didn't say anything. Could have been my next-door neighbor and I wouldn't have known. Could have been one of hundreds of people who would recognize me by face but not by name, especially next time he sees me running, I was close to my house. He'll see me again and know me, but I won't know him. He could already know who I am, plenty of ways to do that in my freaking hometown. Sports, school, work, my parents.
That guy, and anyone else in the car, knows me as the A-hole runner that jumped in front of their car at a stop sign and flicked them off. And that's fair, that's all I've ever done interacting with them. In this guy's reality, I'm an A-hole and he's not wrong.
In a hurry to tell this guy he did something (not that) wrong, which he already would have known, I basically said "fu*k you" to him and anyone in the car. Total dick move that I can't take back now.
I'm planning to go to confession tomorrow ND basically saying "what do you want me to do to cancel it out" because I can't come up with ab answer, and I probably won't be able to sleep because of this and I can't let it go.
There's plenty of stuff online about clearing your head of brooding thoughts but this isn't like that because this is actually my fault and my responsibility.