Would you get a family member arrested for DUI?

Are you around when this is happening?

Are you with this person at the time? Buy a breathalyzer and make them use it before they leave. That's really the only way to "prove" that they are over the limit.

Is this a symptom of their gender confusion?

In a heartbeat I would have a cop at the end of the driveway. Why would you want them to drive for a while first?

No, I'm not around this person when they drink. Often it is out of town driving back home. The person has their own car and place so we can't impose other restrictions. We've tried talking to them many times about this and get no where. At wits end.

Then yes call the police, it is a hard lesson to learn but overallI think that getting a DUI is a much better alternative than killing someone else.

My suggestion is to not let anyone (the person or any other family members) know that you are making the call though because then the issue may become more about your actions than theirs.

at wits end wrote:

No, I'm not around this person when they drink. Often it is out of town driving back home. The person has their own car and place so we can't impose other restrictions. We've tried talking to them many times about this and get no where. At wits end.

Are they at a bar? You could try calling the bar and telling them that someone is planning to drive after drinking. I'm not sure that they are actually liable, but they might be willing to help because no one wants to see a drunk driver.

Tomato Tomato wrote:

Then yes call the police, it is a hard lesson to learn but overallI think that getting a DUI is a much better alternative than killing someone else.

That assumes a DUI will be a wake-up call for this person. It may or may not be. For a lot of people with drinking problems, a DUI, or multiple DUIs, isn't a meaningful deterrent. People who need a driver's license to get around will keep driving after it's revoked. Etc.

I'm skeptical that pulling the criminal justice system into this will make things better for your family member. Personally, I wouldn't do it (if at all) until all other options are exhausted - repeatedly express concern about their drinking, suggest they go to rehab, etc. - which I assume you or members of your family have already done.

I understand the desire to try to control this person's actions before s/he hurts or kills someone else - but you can't. Ultimately it's their choice.

I've wondered the same thing. Would it really make a difference. At least they couldn't deny that what theyre doing is serious. Or that they are drunk driving. This person keeps doing this like weekly for months and months.

Do cops act on anonymous tips? And would they say someone called? My family would assume I did it and it would be really bad. I've never talked about doing this, but I know some in the family would hate me if I did it.

I've had friends killed by a drunk driver in every decade of my life

drunk drivers destroy lives and have no right or excuses to do what they do

if you know for a fact someone is routinely drinking and driving, you have a moral if not legal responsibility to end it one way or another

the only caution I would advise is that all calls to the police are recorded and publicly available, use the non-emergency number most police publish and use caller-id blocking on your phone for a tiny bit of protection, you are under no obligation to identify yourself when calling the non-emergency number but they will try to trick you to do so anyway

if it makes you feel any better, if the police actually do anything the person will not serve a single day in jail and will be driving again in no time at all, months if not weeks

in fact of the drivers that kills my friends, the most any time they did was only two years and there's no reason not to believe they are drinking and driving again

If the six drinks is over a few hours, they probably aren't really drunk.

Caller ID blocking doesn't even work when calling a business. Something tells me a government agency is going to see your number too.

I liked the suggestion of buying a breathalyzer to give the offender. He can rationalize how well he feels in control of his faculties, but there's no arguing with a blood alcohol reading.

If I notified the cops anonymously with a note or something, would they tell the person they were tipped off? Everyone in the family would assume I did it, even if it was an anonymous note. I need this to be completely anonymous so it looks like a random pullover.

This thread is depressing.

I need a drink.

this isn't television, they aren't going to follow up on a random note about someone drinking and driving

anything communicated to police is going to be publicly available, the question is if people know how and will follow up on getting that info and most won't bother

however you have to be the adult here, an extremely serious crime is being committed

how are you going to feel the day and years AFTER they kill or seriously injure someone and destroy lives? oh well too bad so sad?

drunks don't stop, they just find rationalization until their entire universe is finally pulled from under them and they are forced to stop because they simply don't have access to their drug

(btw you realize they are still going to get drunk after the DUI right?)

like I said, if it makes you feel any better they will be (legally) driving again in months if not weeks and won't serve a day in jail, forget prison, judges don't take this seriously and will just make them complete a "program"

actually I just thought of something, depending on your income level it is possible to tell the police "anonymously"

randomly pick a lawyer somewhere in town with absolutely no connection to you or your family

hire the lawyer and pay them to contact the police with the information

complicated and will cost you but gives you some protection if you are that afraid of repercussions

I don't drink hard liquor and have never really been drunk. This family member usually has 3 rounds. Martinis and all, not just beer or wine. If they weigh 130, how many hours til they should drive? Sounds like they are way over the limit. They say theyre just a little buzzed and drink plenty of water to help. I don't buy it. Cops always say buzzed driving is drunk driving.

Over how many hours are they drinking? Also, males and females process alcohol at slightly different rates so make sure you are looking at the right chart. I really think a breathalyzer is the best option here.

Buzzed driving is only drunk driving if you're over the limit, because that's the definition. I think police say it like that because they want people to realize that you can be over the limit without feeling like you are truly "drunk". People have different interpretations of what "drunk" means, which is the confusion.

If I hire a lawyer, the cops could still say they were tipped off and my family would all assume I did it. It might ruin my marriage. But on the other hand, this person could kill themselves or someone else by keep doing this. My family thinks I'm overreacting. At least the ones who know about this. Not many do. They say well you don't drink much so its not a big deal.

The breathalizer is an idea. I don't trust this person to use it though. They tend to act on feelings not data. If they hit 2.0, they'd probably say they still feel good. And if I asked, they'd lie and say it was lower .

at wits end wrote:

If I hire a lawyer, the cops could still say they were tipped off and my family would all assume I did it. It might ruin my marriage. But on the other hand, this person could kill themselves or someone else by keep doing this. My family thinks I'm overreacting. At least the ones who know about this. Not many do. They say well you don't drink much so its not a big deal.

The breathalizer is an idea. I don't trust this person to use it though. They tend to act on feelings not data. If they hit 2.0, they'd probably say they still feel good. And if I asked, they'd lie and say it was lower .

To clarify, someone else would have to operate the breathalyzer. I wouldn't trust any self-reporting either. I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you can't get any resolution until you get some hard data. Since you aren't personally there, it's hard to say how "drunk" the person really is. But they will either blow above the legal limit or not. If they are below, then your work is done. If they are above, and they want to drive while in such a state, then call the police if you feel that you need to report the crime. There isn't much else you can do from a distance.

My advice would be considerably different if you were present though.