What's more detrimental to your running? Unsupportive spouse or high stress job?

I would imagine a unsupportive spouse. When my wife and I first started dating, I remember telling her "Don't ever make me choose between you and running."

It was my way of saying "I get 1-2hours a day to do what I want...you get me for the other 22-23hours." With that said, I am flexible with my schedule...if we have plans in the evening, I will get up early and run. I make every effort to ensure that my running schedule isn't disruptive to our life...but it is the one thing that I want to do.

My job can be stressful, but it isn't a problem. It actually makes me look forward to lacing up the trainers even more.

very nice wrote:

"Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare."

Lol sounds like somebody grew up next to their retired parents or didn't have to work full time. Very convenient for you.

No woman in my extended family has ever not been a full time mother, including my wife. We are not rich. This has been the norm for generations upon generations until recently. People find a way to make it work. Spend less. it's all about choices and values. understand the differences between needs and wants.

definitely the spouse. everyone has some stress at work, unless they have a job that is really not important.

finally divorced after 20 years.

now married to the world's greatest PE/Health teacher. still running.

life is good.

John Utah wrote:

very nice wrote:

"Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare."

Lol sounds like somebody grew up next to their retired parents or didn't have to work full time. Very convenient for you.

No woman in my extended family has ever not been a full time mother, including my wife. We are not rich. This has been the norm for generations upon generations until recently. People find a way to make it work. Spend less. it's all about choices and values. understand the differences between needs and wants.

I could not disagree more. A good daycare helps child development. There is not only one way to raise children and not everyone has your choices available. Its not always about money. My father died when i was young and I had to have after school care while my mother worked.

Looks the easy answer to your problems is to quit running.

I had similar arguments with my wife and also a stressful job a while ago now. At first I was angry because I had running goals I was trying to reach - and I was getting close. In the end, I realized it was the aggressive running goals that were creating the problem. As a goal oriented person it killed me to eliminate the running goal, but once I did, I became much happier in my job and marriage. In reality, I was not among the leaders in races and so nobody but a few running friends cared whether I reached my goals or not.

other running related topic wrote:

My wife hates that I run. "why do you do these races? Is it for fitness? How long are you going to do this for? I don't get it."

Later, "You're going running again? Didn't you run yesterday? You're not planning on running everyday? Don't you think you've run enough? You know you have the wrong priorities.".

I don't even run that much. 50mpw at the most. Nothing compared to most runners I know.

How do you answer these questions? I told her about Ed Whitlock racing at 70-80s. I said I'm not planning on doing that, but I do it because I like it.

Coupled with this, I have a high stress job. My solution so far is to run when I can.

Ouch. I can hear that voice from here.

I'm objective, and I say you should 100% keep running as much as you want. Your wife's nagging is an issue, but there will be WAY more issues if you stop running. You'll become less fit, regretful, and even spiteful towards your wife. Every time a race comes around that you want to run or you see a buddy get a new PR, you'll be furious that you're not out there yourself.

Make a sacrifice elsewhere in your marriage if you have to, but make this boundary unbreakable.

John Utah wrote:

very nice wrote:

"Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare."

Lol sounds like somebody grew up next to their retired parents or didn't have to work full time. Very convenient for you.

No woman in my extended family has ever not been a full time mother, including my wife. We are not rich. This has been the norm for generations upon generations until recently. People find a way to make it work. Spend less. it's all about choices and values. understand the differences between needs and wants.

So, you are saying that you have no idea what a daycare is like.

Spouse. I always find that working more causes me to prioritize the things that are important (running, for better or worse), particularly if they help manage stress at work.

truckdriver wrote:

John Utah wrote:

No woman in my extended family has ever not been a full time mother, including my wife. We are not rich. This has been the norm for generations upon generations until recently. People find a way to make it work. Spend less. it's all about choices and values. understand the differences between needs and wants.

I could not disagree more. A good daycare helps child development. There is not only one way to raise children and not everyone has your choices available. Its not always about money. My father died when i was young and I had to have after school care while my mother worked.

That is an absurd statement and totally false. It's what guilty parents use to justify their life choices. To be clear, having a single parent is obviously a completely different situation. There is no reason for anyone to feel guilt in that scenario. You have to put food on the table. You mom is a true warrior for shouldering all of the work. But this is not the case for SO many people. Most married couples can work it out so that mother stays home; they just choose not to. Good grief, families have worked it out in the past! Look at the evidence, generation after generation.

If one is so destitute that it can't be done, then don't freaking have kids for crying out loud. Sure, maybe vacations, cars and clothes aren't as nice, but don't kid yourself about what's best for the child.

"Keep running as much as you want?" What? Are you married? Are you divorced? That's terrible advice. Well, it's good advice if you want a crap marriage or a divorce.

Single people do whatever they want, whenever they want. Married people aim for win-win solutions.

The right answer is communication, clear expectations and planning. There is no way you guys can't find a solution that works. You can say compromise, but I don't like that word. I like to think there is almost always a creative situation that's a true win-win, especially when each spouse is genuinely concerned about the other one being happy. If each spouse is only concerned about trying to get their own way, then you're f&*ked.

Divorce her. Your relationship is already over, you just haven't realized it yet. She is telling you that it is over as she puts down something you enjoy. End it now instead of dragging it out over the next months or years.

Definitely the wife is more detrimental but the job...the thing is there is only so much time in a week. Have you had a serious talk with your wife about how much time you can set aside a week for running? If you are anything like me you need to run to stay healthy and sane and should be able to sell her on that. And, again if you are like me, a focused 30mpw will get you within a minute and a half of the 5k time that 70mpw will...diminishing returns. Maybe everyone can be happy if you negotiate a little.

Also, do you have little kids? Do you own a jogging stroller? Getting your kid to fall asleep in a stroller on a weekend is license to run pretty much as long as your heart desires. A treadmill is useful too because you can run while they nap or after they fall asleep at night freeing your wife to run errands or go out with the girls or whatever.

John Utah wrote:

Are you a supportive husband? And does she think you are a supportive husband? Maybe she sees you as selfish and taking time to train at 50 mpw is just one manifestation. Or maybe she's being selfish.

I stopped running cold turkey because my wife saw it as selfish that I could put in all this time and effort into running and less time and effort into other things. She was probably right. 4 years later she says she never cared one way or the other that I ran and me stopping was my own decision and had nothing to do with her... Point is you can't win with women. They are absolutely insane. They live in their own little fantasy land.

this ^^^^

LOL

Change your wife. A wife who doesnt like that her husband runs should be kicked asap!

This is silly.

My wife and I both work full-time, although she's a teacher, so she's home during the summer. My aunt watches our 4-year-old daughter most of the day, but takes her to daycare/preschool for a few hours a day to learn and be around other kids.

I make $250K, so my wife doesn't necessarily even NEED to work, at least not right now. But it's good for her to be a person outside the home, and it's good for the kids, both my daughter and my 7-year-old son, to see a woman contributing outside the home.

Regarding the point of the thread: I get up extremely early in order to get my run in before work or family is an issue. I set my alarm for around 4, and typically hit the door by 4:20 or 4:30. On weekends, I might sleep in until 5, depending on how late the family wants to stay up the night before, if there is a good game on or something.

It creates zero issues. I think some people just don't want to make the sacrifice of getting up extra early.

Job! It's easy to ignore your spouse and not let her effect you. But a bad job will definitely compromise training at least a little bit.