his may be a bit of a ramble but please bear with me. A few weeks ago I noticed a txt appear on my wife's phone from a gym instructor at the local gym. She joined a marathon training group there targeted at a spring half and fall full. Not a team in training program but not any elite thing either. Kinda for elite hobby joggers. Anyway It was late at night but wasn't salacious in any way. However it felt, to me, to be a strange time to send somebody a txt - basically it raised my suspicions.
Since then I've noticed a few things - she never leaves her mobile phone down (and she use to), brings it to the bathroom (even late at night) and has it on vibrate only (I hear it go off in her pocket but she doesn't answer it). She goes to her classes in the gym and then stays on to work out - coming home late. She's over-nice to me - really looks like she's trying to make up for something. Other txt messages have appeared here and there but none of which I could read as the phone would be in her hands. However, I saw a text saying "I can't stand seeing you with him" one night but decided that was not the time and place to confront her. I don't know who that was that sent the text so it could be work related or something.
A week ago we were out and she got very drunk (unlike her). When we got home she feel sleep and that gave me a opportunity to check her phone. Up until now I've been trying to say to myself no, she wouldn't cheat on me, I'm just imaging in it. But I had to know for sure. Using her phone I accessed her online phone account - I hated myself for doing this but I had to know for sure and felt the end justified the means. To my horror I discovered she had indeed been txting this guy trainer at the gym and another of her girlfriends for the last month over 350 txts a month. It seems like the three of them are on most of the texts and I don't know if it is sexting but a lot of flirting and innuendo talking about their bodies. Some you could call training I guess but some is either inappropriate or not professional talking about tight glutes etc
Our kids are in a daycare program most days at the same club and she must see him a lot.
I have no idea if she has a physical relationship with this guy but my gut Is twisting. What makes it worse is that he's just separated from his own wife. And my wife's girlfriend is also recently divorced and quasi bitter toward family - she has no kids.
I've been putting off approaching my wife about this as I wanted to make sure my suspicions were correct. I love my wife. She's a great home-maker and fabulous mother to our kids. I know she was bored at home but this was the last thing I expected. I thought taking up a running program would be beneficial.
I'm pretty sure she's never been unfaithful and feel it may be a bit of a "bored house wife" thing. She was a urging when we married. I have let my physique go a bit but not terribly so. We've had financial issues lately which have played on my mind a lot - she lost her job and some self-esteem last summer. In different circumstances I don't believe she would be unfaithful. We have stopped going to church - more because of being tired from the kids than anything else.
Am I overreacting or fooling myself here? I don't want to leave her and don't want her to leave me. I know I have it in me to forgive her (even if I'll end up watching her like a hawk for a while!). Has anyone got any good practical advise on how to approach her and not undo 14 years of marriage either because she is cheating or because I mistakenly confront her?
The biggest thing that gives me the gut feeling is that she won't run with me, she used to and we would talk and really connect. Now she says all her training. Is by the program and running with me is outside the program.
Sorry for rambling