THE TEXT OF THE SECRET MEMO HAS BEEN RELEASED!!!!!
"Secret Memo:
I, the Honorable Devin Nunes of the state of California, certify and pledge that the following information is accurate and true:
Classified evidence shows that former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama unlawfully obtained an FISA warrant to spy on President Donald J. Trump's transition team. Secret recording devices were even placed in the bathrooms. The FBI, under the direction of James Comey, was complicit and employed Christopher Steele (Secretary Hillary Clinton's first illegitimate love child who was conceived, birthed, and discarded when Clinton was still in high school) to compile the illegitimate evidence in the form of the fake news dossier. Creepy James Comey demanded the secret spying devices be placed in Trump's bedchamber and bathroom by undercover agents posing as McDonald's delivery men.
Classified evidence shows that Killary Rodham Clinton did Benghazi with malicious intent.
Classified evidence shows that Robert Mueller is a secret Democrat whose irrational hatred of Trump knows no bounds. Mueller formed a secret FBI anti-Trump society to remove him from power after he was appointed to head the special investigation by Rod Rosenstein. (Note: SUSPICIOUS LAST NAME)
Classified evidence shows that Russia actually wanted the Democrats to win and they're innocent of everything anyway so just shut up about Russia already, jeez.
Classified evidence shows that President Donald Trump has a big ol' dick. Rock on, Mr. President!
End of Secret Memo"