when i read this, i felt uncomfortable, because it was almost like i wrote it.
stormed out this AM, not angry, but with a strong sense of frustration.
its not like she and i haven't had these conversations before... and like you, i surely could work on my delivery... but after saying the same thing over and over and over i just feel like nothing ever changes!
it IS hard to change though... as hard for her as it is for you. and i doubt she doesn't want things to get better... but maybe like my wife is so tired of the daily routine, exhausted because kids are hard, that when it comes time to not be doing that "regular stuff", she wants to unwind, relax, try to sap some bit of enjoyment out of life rather than "think hard and work on things".
i get that.
us runners get to work through things on runs... i know i do, at least.
i couldn't leave my kids. i won't leave my kids.
what i DO think you can do is start to live your life in a way that makes you happier. don't ever sit on the couch and watch tv. do something constructive (when not running). work on the house. learn a new language. read books. learn to play an instrument... whatever it is that would seem fun to you.
if you put your energies into yourself... she might do the same. if she does that, she might feel more alive... she might "come back" from the dead, put some energy into your relationship.
for those kids, you do it. but all you need to do right now (on top of all the regular shit) is take care of yourself for a bit.