He was a wonderful kid, described aptly by someone as "the brightest kid in all respects." Not sure why cool factor would trigger anything negative or otherwise. He was just a truly good and beautiful person.
He was a wonderful kid, described aptly by someone as "the brightest kid in all respects." Not sure why cool factor would trigger anything negative or otherwise. He was just a truly good and beautiful person.
My condolences and thank you for your insight into young adult suicide. I believe I heard about your son's story in an NPR piece and it never left my mind, especially when my own son was going through a very hard time his sophomore year in college. Thank you for sharing your story.
Heartbroken Mom wrote:
He was a wonderful kid, described aptly by someone as "the brightest kid in all respects." Not sure why cool factor would trigger anything negative or otherwise. He was just a truly good and beautiful person.
Yes. I was just making an observation. It means nothing relative to the topic. Take care.
Heartbroken Mom,
Thank you for sharing your insights from the tragedy of your son's death.
Point of clarification to readers of this thread:
Since Heartbroken Mom said:
"My prayers are with this young man's family.",
it should be clear that Hale Ross is not her son.
Hale Ross was also not a Yale freshman - he was a junior (class of '18).
Heartbroken Mom might be the parent of Zachary Brunt, a Yale freshman who died in April 2012:
http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2012/04/20/campus-mourns-brunt-15/
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your valuable wisdom and insights. I lost a good friend to suicide a few years ago and cannot understate the importance of and truth to all of your words.
To all who have posted about Hale Ross, let me say that my son died by suicide while a freshman at Yale. I appreciate the thoughtful remarks about the difficulties and pressures of college life, especially at top schools. I want to add a few thoughts that may help some of you process this and perhaps make a difference in others' lives. Suicide is unthinkable in circumstances where a person seems to have it all--as my son did--looks, charm, energy, intelligence, and cool factor. It simply does not occur to anyone that suicide is possible--except people who are trained to understand the risk, This is what I learned in the most dreadful way possible--a true clinical depression can take a person down and do so astonishingly fast. in fact, an untreated deep, clinical depression of just two weeks places a person at risk of suicide. If you or someone you know goes through some major changes (poor grooming, changed diet, changed sleep patterns, a loss of lightness and ease, criticism of himself/herself, and comments about feeling hopeless or like things are not worth the effort), do not ignore this. Do not be afraid to ask if the person has considered harming himself or herself. This does not increase the risk of suicide, but rather makes it safe to speak truthfully. Be calm and do not be judgmental. Do not try to cheer someone up. This is way beyond, "things will get better," or "I support you." If you are truly concerned someone is at risk of suicide, reach out for help from a trusted agent--parents, professor, TA, the mental health center. I truly believe that if someone had done this, my son would be alive. Clinical depression is treatable. While I admire the doctor who posted about the difficulties of being from a poor family, depression really doesn't care if you are rich or poor, have a supportive family or not. My son was totally aware of the many gifts and blessings in his life, but depression swallowed him up. If you want an understanding of this, please watch this compelling lecture by Stanford professor Robert Sapolsky on suicide. Last few comments: please learn about suicide, its risks, and the realities associated with it. You can find a great deal of information at the AFSP website and the NAMI website. For those of you who have any control or influence on campuses, please research the excellent work Cornell has done on teaching staff (ALL staff) to recognize danger signs. Do not inherently trust any mental health expert your friends or family members may see. While many are excellent, there are some incompetent people out there (I can't elaborate, but trust me on this one). If the person receiving care is not improving, keep looking for a service provider who can help that person make strides. One poster said that suicide has long-lasting effects. Nothing could be more true. I was told after my son died that a suicide is much like a bomb that is detonated, with the highest impact on the family and closest friends but with concentric circles of impact reaching far and wide. My prayers are with this young man's family. They are in for the fight of their lives as they grapple with this terrible loss. Thank you to all of you for being civil and human on this topic.
Thanks for posting, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I had some difficulties myself along the way, but am in a good spot these days. I have young kids of my own now, and I'm a college professor. I recognize the pressure in many of the students I have. I'm definitely more aware the risks now than I was in my younger days.
First off Heartbroken Mom, thank you for sharing your story. This must have been very difficult to share but at the same time, you gave us valuable information/insight into yours & the current situation. I think any parent, sibling, family member or a friend who've lost someone to suicide can try to understand this unspeakable incident. As a mom of a college freshman daughter who've had some worries in the past of their child can appreciate your candid response. Again, thank you very much. I really appreciate it..:)
I echo the condolences and thanks for your posting here. I have a question relevant to the circumstances of young high-achievers and suicide: to what extent do you feel perfectionism (in all areas of endeavor) plays a role as a cause and/or symptom in this kind of tragedy?
Very sad story indeed and thank you for sharing. As an educator it is alarming the number of young adolescents and adults struggling with these pressures. What kills me is society is putting undue pressure on children today. In first grade they are expected to read and write. In high school the AP classes, SAT, perfect GPA's are out of control. Children don't sleep struggling to keep up.
It's our fault as a society. It needs to change but I don't see the machine slowing down. I sincerely am worried for my kids.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
My condolences wish you the best ---pray for you
Lost one of my best friends to suicide while in college. Much like the OP, it was amazing how quickly he went from seemingly happy and normal, completely well adjusted to dead. Obviously he was fighting the depression as best he could, putting on a brave face. But one really bad night, a fight with his girlfriend, alcohol and he thought the best option was to hang himself with a belt from his bunk.
Hindsight being what it is, we all knew he was struggling, but just didn't think it was that bad. And that's the problem, as a friend/parent/sibling you don't say anything because you don't want to be viewed as overacting. But the truth is if the person is aware you know there's a problem, they're much more likely to come to you when inevitably that really sh/tty day arrives. You might just think they're coming to you to bitch, but you might have just saved their life.
My apologies for departing the discussion. Yes, my son is Zach Brunt. While I know that perfectionism can play a role, in Zach's case I would no. He was a relaxed person and things (life, school work, friend relationships) were easy for him. If I can help anyone in any way, please let me know. Those of us who have suffered the terrible loss of our children acknowledge that we are in the worst club of all.--regardless of how the death occurred. Until you are there, you simply don't get it. It helped me to meet other moms who somehow survived. They gave me hope when I honestly did not think I could go on. Since then, I have found myself helping others whose losses are fresher.
Thank you to all who offered their condolences.
Please hire better moderators here at letsrun to prevent cries for help - like the one posted on 10/25/16 - from being deleted. Google Cache still has it - I took a screenshot
JBlache wrote:
Please hire better moderators here at letsrun to prevent cries for help - like the one posted on 10/25/16 - from being deleted. Google Cache still has it - I took a screenshot
We take talk of suicide very seriously.
Our policy for threads like that is to delete them put an alert to that IP address so when they come back they are greeted with a message telling them life is precious, to contact a suicide hotline, a suicide website or email us.
As a forum amin on a different site i unserstand lrc's position right now. We have lost 2 members to suicide and while one was unexpected, the other had posted clues to their situation and while we didnt ignore them, we didnt actively help either. I dont think the blame was fully on us but i do think that had our forum operated differently that maybe one or both of them would have had a better chance and for that we will always be sorry. At the end of the day, people in those kind of horrible circumstances often reach out to online sources because the anonymity makes it easier and with that in mind, web forums should be accepting and ready to help with these cries for help. Our forum is pretty anything goes but now with one exception, suicide talk is takin extremely seriously and anyone who wants to talk about depression always has a listening ear. Those seem so obvious i know but as a forum administrator its hard to fully unserstand sense of duty and that its more than just discussion you allow or disallow on your site, its about what could possibly be a persons last chance to be saved and potentialy saving a life. I would hope whoever deleted it feels terrible and has learned a valuable lesson just like i had to
LetsRun.com wrote:
JBlache wrote:Please hire better moderators here at letsrun to prevent cries for help - like the one posted on 10/25/16 - from being deleted. Google Cache still has it - I took a screenshot
We take talk of suicide very seriously.
Our policy for threads like that is to delete them put an alert to that IP address so when they come back they are greeted with a message telling them life is precious, to contact a suicide hotline, a suicide website or email us.
I'd question that policy. If someone wants a suicide hotline, they'll find one. But if they're looking for community (which is what this board at its best offers) and they come here, I imagine having their cry for help be deleted deleted feels like being rejected by the community whose support you weee seeking.
JBlache wrote:
Please hire better moderators here at letsrun to prevent cries for help - like the one posted on 10/25/16 - from being deleted. Google Cache still has it - I took a screenshot
I wouldn't be surprised if the constant negatively on Letsrun and the many deletions of good posts, has resulted in considerable depression, and worse.
One of my friends was upset about his posts being constantly removed and guess what happened? He got banned. Fortunately in his case, he stayed away from the forum, he calmed down and his depression went away.
LetsRun.com wrote:
We take talk of suicide very seriously.
Our policy for threads like that is to delete them put an alert to that IP address so when they come back they are greeted with a message telling them life is precious, to contact a suicide hotline, a suicide website or email us.
It would be sad if these victims had deleted postings on LRC.