I would like to read some good jokes. Anything like that 5-Star chile tale (Quaker State & Lube?) gets bonus points.
I would like to read some good jokes. Anything like that 5-Star chile tale (Quaker State & Lube?) gets bonus points.
There was once a mule. As a child he found he had a gift, an ability that no mule ever had. He could create memes from anything given to him. Give him a topic, he can meme it. He did this casually for a long time, eventually it turned into his profession. He moved to an isolated mountain, where the storms never ceased. Nothing serious, just some semi-heavy rain. He didn't mind it though, the mule grew to love the rain over the years. He lived atop this mountain for 19 years, people from all around came to give him raw materials from which he would create his memes. After creating them he placed them on a conveyor belt which took them to the bottom of the mountain to a small airport that delivered the memes to the rest of the world. Kind of like a much less appreciated Santa Claus. Eventually, someone from PETA heard about people using this mules abilities for human gain, so naturally they sent a representative to march his radical liberal ass up that mountain with the goal of "liberating" the mule. It was an especially strong storm that day, so the representative made sure to tweet about his journey up the stormy mountain, as to show his worldliness to all of his followers. He reached the top and said "mule! No longer must you serve the cruel tyranny of humans! I am here to deliver you to freedom!" To which the mule responded "uh, this is my life dude. I love doing this and I can't see myself ever want to change or do anything else." The representative was like "well... Can you meme something for me then?" The mule agreed, for such is his purpose. The representative held up a picture of a lamb being slaughtered, and said "I want you to turn this into a meme that raises awareness about animal cruelty, and how you should hate yourself and shame others who eat veal or any other animal products." For the first time in his life, in the pouring rain atop the mountain, the mule had a doubt. A doubt of whether or not he could meme this. The mule said "I can do this on one condition. There must only be one copy. I cannot make this meme and place it in the conveyor belt to be shipped out." The representative agreed.
Why, you ask?
Because wet mule can't belt veal memes.
I don't get it.
Bubba and Earl are driving back to Athens from Atlanta when they notice they needed some gas. They start looking for a gas station and see a sign that reads "Free Sex with Fill-up." They pull in and tell the attendant to "fill 'er up." After he's done the attendant goes to the window and says that it would be $18.00 for the gas. (This is an old story.)
They pay and as the attendant starts to walk away Bubba yells "What about my free sex?". The attendant rolls his eyes and goes to the window and says, "OK, but you have to guess the magic number. It's a number between 1 and 10." Bubba said, "6." The attendant says "No, the number is 3. Sorry."
As the attendant starts to walk off Earl says, "Give me a try." The attendant says "OK." Earl says, "7." And the attendant says "No, I told you the number was 3."
Bubba then speeds off and Earl looks over and says, "I think that game was fixed. There is no way to win." To which Bubba replies, "Uh uh, my wife won two times last week."
A man walks into his doctors office and says "Doctor I have five penises" Doctor says "thats terrible, how on earth does your trousers fit?" Patient replies, "like a glove.
Boudreaux and Trosclair were sittin on dey poarch, when ol Thibodeax drives up wit his pickup full of nutrasweet. Boudreaux says, "hey, Thibodeax, where you be goin wid all dat nutrasweet?" Thidodeaux says, "I goin' nutria huntin'." Trosclair say, "Thibodeaux, you ol cajun fool, you ain't gonna catch no nutria wid nutrasweet. You crazy." So Thibodeaux drives off, and comes drivin back by a few hours later with a truckload of nutria. Boudreaux and Trosclair looked at each other, and just shook their heads.
Next day, ol boys is out on da poarch again, and Thibodeaux drives up wid a truckload of duct tape. Trosclair say, "Thibodeaux, what you gou all dat duct tape for?" Thibodeaux say, "Man, I goin duck huntin'." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, you can't catch ducks wid duct tape - you about one dumb-arse cajun." Thibodeaux drives off, comes back by a few hours later with ducks jus fallin outta his truck, he got so many. Boudreaux and Trosclair look at each other in disbelief.
Next day, Thibodeaux drives up with a truck full of ussywillows. Boudreux looks at Trosclair, and in unison they say, "Wait, Thibodeaux, we goin wid you!"
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered."Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
Why does a shark swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes it sneeze.
Ummm..... wrote:
I don't get it.
Wet mule can't belt veal memes
Jet fuel can't melt steel beams
This lady visits a gynecologist for the first time. He starts the exam and says, "You have an unusually deep vagina."
She says, "You didn't need to say it twice."
He says, "I didn't."
Hillary Clinton
Mickey and Minnie are having marital difficulty and are seeking divorce. The divorce judge says to Mickey, "I can't grant you a divorce just because you claim your wife is a little crazy." Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f'cking Goofy."
VA is for Lovers wrote:
Mickey and Minnie are having marital difficulty and are seeking divorce. The divorce judge says to Mickey, "I can't grant you a divorce just because you claim your wife is a little crazy." Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f'cking Goofy."
Show us the pictures
Why do women have cleaner minds?
They change them more often.