So I just finished law school in may.
Got a job in nyc that started a few weeks ago.
my girlfriend and i met in california last fall. and have had a great relationship over the course of the year.
she loves california. her job opportunities are pretty squarely there in the tech world. she doesnt like the pace of nyc that much.
i asked her to move with me at the beginning of the summer. it felt right. something felt like she was the one. that we were best friends, and she would be the right person to be my partner on many different levels with many different shared motivations and interests. i was ready to take the leap of faith in committing to living with her, saying that we were in it for the long haul and really starting a life together. (this was after i tried to stay in california for a while)
the summer was hard on us. with her trying to find a job in nyc and just not knowing what would come of us. the stress wore us down. lots of arguing. we share such good spirit and heart connections but our minds/logistics/ just how we process different events can be quite different.
now she has gotten a job opportunity in new york. its got a lot of perks, but i can tell she is still not super excited about the city or the particular job.
and on top of that, im confused. the relationship has felt different for the past few months. it was never to the point of me proposing in order to get her to move here, but now, im not sure if i can look her squarely in the eyes and tell her: i want you to move here because i see us being together the rest of our lives. its not that i dont see that. its just hard for me to dive into that life commitment view right now. i had felt it. but now it feels overwhelming.
right now, i still want her to move here. but i want her to, so that we can finally have a stable life together again. not one where we were constantly having to worry about us not being to be together. our relationship just needs time to chill out and grow still. but timing and moving would have it, that these big leap of faith decisions are pressing down on us whether we like it or not.
so now, if she is going to move here, at some level i want it to be because she has an excitement to be here in her gut, for her life's journey. if i knew for sure in my heart that i was ready to marry her, then maybe i would push to have her move no matter what, just because we would totally be in it together. but to push any harder right now, feels unfair. just because its not to that point yet.
do i take a step back? do i let someone who is so so special to me go because im not certain and promising anything more doesnt quite feel right. do i just think that, love will work out if it is supposed to in the future.
or is this just cold feet and should i power through to get to that stable place we had been working for for so long?
any advice appreciated. especially from the elders who have seen love and life play out a number of times.