My Parents Died Recently, Having a Hard Time Getting Back to Normal.

Go talk to somebody. It may seem stupid but a therapist will help you with your feelings. When my partner of 6 years decided to leave me I lost it myself. I know it can't be the same as losing parents, but I found talking through my feelings with a professional was hugely helpful.

i have no experience with anything like that but maybe try dating or even getting a pet? Sounds like you need to find some new things to live for

How old are you?

sjkfifkska wrote:

i have no experience with anything like that but maybe try dating or even getting a pet? Sounds like you need to find some new things to live for

I don't think my wife would approve of me dating other women and I already have a dog. I am in my mid 30s and have a great life and a successful career.

None of these things change the fact that I just lost two of the most important people in my life though.

My deepest, deepest condolences, friend. I lost my dad suddenly. Well, he had been ill for a while but his actual death was sudden. We had been planning to go to Rio 2016 together. He died in '12.

I can relate to your feelings. I was also quite young, still in my mid-20s at the time.

You need to keep working. If it helps, take on some extra work, either in college or on your job (depending on your life-situation) for the time being so that you will have to think about something other than this double-tragedy. It's really important to stay busy in the short term.

Try not to drink or use other depressants; it will only make your situation worse. You want to be healthy in body. If you can do some working out, even if it is very half-hearted, you should. Your parents would not want you to wallow.

It helped me immensely to take on ambitious, long-term projects (sorry, I can't get too specific on this website) that were connected to my dad's memory. I felt that I was working in his service and this helped me through the first couple years, when the pain was most intense.

I'm really sorry for your loss. And it is good that you came here to talk about.

As others mentioned, I would recommend talking to a professional counselor. There are so many out there. Find one that you feel comfortable with.

Also, keep running. Sounds stupid and cliche, but getting out the door on a regular basis will definitely help you out.

First of all, my condolences.

For a long time, when people asked me about any loss.....with the question, WAS IT EXPECTED? I wondered why. Then, having experienced the unexpected death of someone relatively young....and being unprepared, now I know.

There is shock in addition to the grief, and the shock makes things immeasurably worse.

Two months is a very very short time to absorb shock and grief. Give yourself time. I don't think it helps to work yourself into a frenzy and shove the loss and shock out of your mind. In fact, I think that's shit for advice, a strategy that will bite you later. Not everyone is a 'therapy goer' and not everyone is a 'church goer' but those strategies can help. So can art or running or walks in the woods with your dog. Mostly, I think you need time.

My own parent died after a long illness and he was OLD. I got off much easier and I know it. IMHO, when our parents die, we are orphans in some essential sense, no matter our age.

Mostly, I'm sorry.

Thanks for all the advice from everyone so far.

I understand what you mean when you say doing things connected to your father's memory. I recently moved my mother's piano into my house and learning to play it has brought me some peace because I know it is something that my mother enjoyed playing, the same can be said for working with my father's tools.

I feel like all things considered I am doing pretty well, but it does help to talk about it with other people that have been through similar situations.

How old are you? If you're 30, then it should be real hard. 50? Not so much.

I lost one nuclear family member when I was 5, another when I was 15, then other challenges.

If you need help get it. Psychology and antidepressants in the short-term can give you a boost. Good luck.

Sincere condolences.

I agree 100% with the previous posters who have suggested counselling. Even if you have to pay, it will be one of the best investments of your time and money you can make. Don't expect things to get better quickly, but with help working things through, things can and will get better.

All the best!

It is going to take time. First, to process everything. Next to recover. Another poster said something about becoming an orphan....even as you are older. Being that you are 30, people may assume you may not need them anymore....they would be wrong.

Take it a day at a time. Remember the good times and think of how your parents would want you to be happy and go on with your life. Parents always want what's best for their children....even if their kids are adults.

Also, when some time has passed, Google adult orphans. It's a bigger community than you think.

Sorry for your loss......

I was about your age when my mom died, 54 weeks after my dad died. Both were from natural causes, but kind of abrupt.

Lean on your wife, kids, friends more than you might normally. Don't be afraid to cry for no reason other than you are sad over them being gone. I didn't seek professional help, but it might be a good idea.

It DOES get easier with time, but it is a void going forward. I still cry about it sometimes, like writing this reply, but I'm not ashamed.

I'm sorry. It sucks.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me enough though it was tough to write.

What has been especially hard for me is that is was from Carbon Monoxide poison in their house so it should have been easily avoided.

If anyone reading this doesn't have a Carbon Monoxide Alarm in your place, please get one.

WhitePony wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me enough though it was tough to write.

What has been especially hard for me is that is was from Carbon Monoxide poison in their house so it should have been easily avoided.

If anyone reading this doesn't have a Carbon Monoxide Alarm in your place, please get one.

Weird Al Yankovic's parents passed away the same way :(

White Pony.... Do you have children?

I do not, but I am a teacher and a coach so I work with kids daily.

Hey there,

I don't have much advice but I think you've gotta be one tough person to handle the situation. I can't imagine the shape I'd be in if I lost my parents. Best of luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd second seeing someone to talk with.

First of all please accept my sincerest condolences on the death of your parents.

My dad died of cancer in '96 at the age of 65. I was 35 at the time and took his death pretty hard. I still miss him and think about him everyday. What helped me through a very long grieving process was my wife and her parents (my father-in-law around that same time lost his parents to cancer), the support of the congregation of the small church we go to, and my faith-- although I initially went through a phase of anger against God but that too passed. I also made a point of re-connecting with my dad's family and that helped too.

It's going to be hard but you'll have to carry on and it will eventually get easier. One more thing: my dad's death made me truly aware, for the first time, of my own mortality and that's been a positive thing.

My deepest condolences. I lost my mom when I was about your age (she was only 58 and had cancer) and it does get better though I admit that at certain milestones in life such as the birth of my children, the pain is more profound. Expect the good days and the bad days.

The oddest thing was that one of my friends told me that it must have been easier for me to lose my mom because we didn't live close to one another. As if that makes any difference.